Diaries Magazine

The Logic of Love According to a 14 Year Old

By Parentalparody @parental_parody
In an attempt to free herself of my childhood crap all evidence of my early years, #1Nana has shuffled crap from her abode to mine - which is technically also her abode, but I have claimed it in the true sense of “possession is 9/10 of the law”.
I cracked open the first box of crap nostalgia, and found various posters and clippings of 1990’s boy bands I’d rather not name, lest I incriminate my cringe-worthy teenage music tastes of that decade.
Would hate to ruin my street cred, yo.
I also found a list I’d written at the tender but very recent age of 14, detailing why Robbie Williams and I should be together.
Because before George Clooney was deemed hot, there was Robbie.
Just to clarify, we’re talking early years Take That Robbie The logic of love according to a 14 year old
Not podgy UFO chasing recent Robbie: The logic of love according to a 14 year old I thought I’d compare my reasoning or justification for a long distance celeb romance back then at age 14, and now at an ever so slightly older but far wiser age.
14yr old me  :  I want to hang out with Mark Owen Current me   :  I could totally do with some fashion advice from Mark Owen
14yr old me  :  Maybe Mark Owen is cuter? Current me   :  Mark Owen wouldn't be interested, unless I butch it up a little
14yr old me  :  Robbie wears black and so do I so we’d look totally hot together Current me   :  Black makes me look slim…slimmer…slimish…fairly non-pregnant
14yr old me  :  Robbie’s rich and I’d never have to work.  Like, ever. Current me   :  Robbie’s rich and I’d never have to work.  Like, ever.  And I could tot’s afford the household of staff that I believe I deserve.
14yr old me  :  Robbie could sing to me, like every day. So awesome. Current me   :  I’d let Robbie sing to me on special occasions, to humor him.  And only if I can choose the songs.
14yr old me  :  I have a killer signature worked out for when I do autographs Current me   :  Could probably practice that and perfect it.  Only my younger self neglected to leave notes on how I was going to become autograph-worthy?
14yr old me  :  If we had a fight he could sing “Back For Good” to me and mean it.  Cool. Current me   :  Ensure pre-nup works in my favour should we argue.
14yr old me  :  He’s soooo cute. We would have the cutest babies. Current me   :  Will be able to pay for kick ass boarding school, so we can instead focus on being a loved-up couple, jet-setting around the world’s tropical islands (once he loses the weight and regains the 6 pack).
14yr old me  :  OMG, he has the best abs! Current me   :  OMG, where have his abs gone!?
That was some profound shit right there. 
And there were others.  Had Robbie not seen my logic in our romantic future together, I was prepared with a whole list of other options, ranging from MC Hammer to Vanilla Ice to the entire cast of Dead Poet's Society.
I was both deep and totally logical and realistic at 14 years of age.
The logic of love according to a 14 year old Totally irrelevant pic.  I Googled Robbie Williams bent over. Not like that peeps, I swear.
I was hoping to finish up with a pic of Robbie faux proposing to me, on bended knee - hence the Google image search. But instead, I got this.  Granny's got moves, so I figured she deserved to be included.

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