The Last Few Day's Has Really Messed Me Up.

I Don't Even Have The Right Or Feel I Am Worthy Of Refrencing The Living Hell of This Weekends Event's but I can't stop crying and I never cry so here it goes for now. I will take it down in few days.
I am not even sure I have the right or ....I am gonna cry again...every time..
What happened this weekend on the news - that is all I going to say -
I can't even begin to understand what these people will have to wake up feeling and knowing....I can't. I have limited dialog about this but I feel like evil and serious lack of control isn't being recognized. All joking aside, people need to wake up and listen to their gut. If someone is seeming different or you gut says someone is not right, before you stop being around that person tell someone. Call the cops, your therapist, leave a message without a signature something.
There is a lot of misconception about gun control and I am not going to start that up but personally, I wonder what would happen different in every different state? If in my state this happened (God forbid) and my dad or uncles or a lot of men and women I know are considered average...they are licensed and owners and carriers and would have had their weapons. Would it have saved them? Who knows? We know that even if there was a weapon going against him in this case the other circumstances along with fear, panic and who knows what other life living nightmare victims...I can't stop and I don't cry...I can't stop..I don't know anyone or connected to anyone in the tragedy.
I don't want to live in a perfect world I just know that if a group of people and their families almost just or as much affected by this mentally, can lose their family like this-I can too. I will never know what or how these 100+ member audience, 500+ family members of the members not affected physically but mentally, the estimated 1-20 victims and the last but just as affected-the 100+family of the victims-can have there loved one stolen.
They will wake up and wonder if it's a dream and that is not fair. I am lucky so lucky to have my loved ones around and what this shows us is that we can't prepare, and we can't live in fear but the only thing we can or might have to do or face is this again to us.
My prayers go out to every single member involved in this nightmare hell that will take weeks to sync in and I am just a person who can't stop feeling lost from this for no other reason but my gut told me in a since to feel it hard and I want to say this in the hopes that I can express my sadness and fear and more than that, I got a reminder of not taking things for granted but people taking people from us. I can't...I can't take it if someone takes them. I just can't. Wow. People who don't believe in God even, need to make an exception and pray to someone tonight because that will at least let your energy for a moment say, oh God please don't let anyone take them. Take me instead.