This post is two excerts from Weightless about the inner voice that is part of a lot of mental health illnesses and how to manage them. Worth reposting for my readers. I really like the bit about saying “Oh I’m hearing the critic now”. Sophie was taught to say “Oh it’s that anorexia voice again, it’ boring”. We learnt that pushing or arguing with the voice just adds more fuel to the fire. Taking away it’s power to hurt you by ignoring or downplaying it can be far more effective.
And yes the asperger post is next.
Distinguishing the Inner Critic – http://blogs.psychcentral.com/weightless/2014/10/how-to-distinguish-your-core-self-from-your-inner-critic/
- It’s harsh and mean. If you’d never say these things to someone you love, it’s your inner critic.
- It’s black and white. You are either beautiful or ugly. Your dreams are either possible or impossible.
- It’s the voice of reason. It mentions things that are supposedly in your best interest, such as “If you go forward with the book, you’ll ruin your reputation. Your work isn’t ready for that level of scrutiny. Better hold off for a while.” I’ve realized that, today, my inner critic is largely made up of this voice. It’s the voice that says, Are you sure you should be the one writing this book? Can’t you think of 50 other writers who should be writing this book instead of you? You’re not very good at public speaking. Let’s never do that, OK?
- It says, “you aren’t ready yet.” “You need more time to prepare,” or “You need more experience.”
- It spews self-critical thoughts about aging or your weight, shape or size. It says that you look too big or too old. It says you need to lose weight or shouldn’t be wearing this or that.
- It rehashes negative core narratives.
- It attacks you with critical thoughts, and then shames you for having those thoughts.
- It sounds like your parents, siblings or your boss or anyone else who’s been critical.
- It sounds like your company or culture.
What to do when the Inner Critic is LOUD – http://blogs.psychcentral.com/weightless/2014/10/what-to-do-when-your-inner-critic-is-roaring/
- We never win an argument with our inner critics.
- Instead, when we hear self-doubt, name the inner critic: “Oh, I’m hearing the critic now.”
- Explore the inner critic’s motives. We can ask: “What are you trying to do? What are you trying to prevent or protect me from?”
- Tell the inner critic in a sincere way: “Thanks, but I’ve got this one covered.”
- Separate yourself from the inner critic. Instead of saying “I’m having a freak-out right now,” say “My inner critic is having a little freak-out right now.” This helps to train our minds to realize that the inner critic is just one voice within us, and “not the primary one.”
- Seek out humor. Ask yourself, “What is absurd or funny about what my critic is saying right now?”
- Pretend that you’re putting all the inner critic’s thoughts away into a cup, box or bowl. Then move it into another room. Get back to whatever you are doing knowing that the inner critic is no longer present.
- Notice where the inner critic’s voice resides in or around your body. Then picture that voice withdrawing, or moving away from you.
- Picture a volume dial for the inner critic. Simply turn it down.
One thing she does miss in the ‘what to do’ is using your distractions toolbox. Friends, movie, doing something different or active can be like changing the channel on the TV. Removes you from the place where the inner voice was trying to get attention.
