The Hardest Part About Being a Stepmom

My latest post at Moms Fort Wayne
It's rare that I admit it, but sometimes being a stepmom is really hard. This has been one of those weeks. For me, being Momish is like having the job I always dreamed of and finding out the benefit package has a couple of major things missing but I work around it because I love it so much. I work with the best people, love what I do, feel like I'm at my very best when I'm doing it, find personal satisfaction in doing the job, and believe I'm making a difference. It's the role of a lifetime and yet sometimes its still hard to do, not because I don't love it but because sometimes even the job you love takes work and patience.
I have no doubt that the lesson in patience I receive as a stepmom is the direct result of my inherit lack of patience before I became a parent(ish). The part that takes the most patience? Learning to be patient with "the other family" and understanding that when things are said that are hurtful and short sided, they're said out of insecurity, misunderstanding, miscommunication, or misplaced fear. Its so easy to blame the stepmom for something mom's family doesn't like or understand. Its simple to think that she can't love or care for the family as much as mom's family did or still does. Its only logical to think that she must be the cause of all of the difficulties that come up in a divorced family. Blaming the stepmom is easy but not always the right answer. 
I'm in no way looking for pity or even sympathy from parents.  Being a parent is the hardest job you'll ever love. I get that. What I hope to remind any bio-parent out there is that being a stepparent comes with even less glory and gratitude then being a parent. Stepparents are always second place. It's like being a bridesmaid for the rest of your life. You're happy to be included, love the bride dearly, and couldn't have accepted the duties faster when asked to join the wedding party. But like a bridesmaid, you'll always be on the sideline and never the focus of the picture. You get to walk down the isle in a pretty dress but you'll never wear the gorgeous couture gown. And to be honest, that can knock down a girl's ego from time to time. 
If I could remind bio-families of anything on behalf of momishes everywhere, it would be that we likely didn't cause the changes you're experiencing or blaming us for. Change would have happened no matter what; after all, its inevitable. And just like you have the capacity to love more than one child, your child has the capacity to love more than one parent.  It's not a competition, we're not trying to take your little ones heart. We simply want to provide love and affection the best way we know how and if we're doing it right, they're going to love us back. So the next time you find yourself saying something hurtful or not supporting the stepparent in your child's life, please think twice. The faster everyone learns to work together the more love and support the children will feel. And that's what really matters.