Dating Magazine

The First Date

By Tobehitch

I went on a handful of first dates this past year, trying to see if any of the girls had potential to stick. FIRST DATES ARE AWKWARD AS HELL! That’s the first thing I want to say right off the bat. How do you interact with someone who (for the most part) you’ve never met? Let me clarify here that this does not apply if you end up dating someone who’s been your longtime friend. Obviously, if you guys are already comfortable with each other, the first date is more of a formality than anything else.

One of the most notable first dates I went on was when my parents (lovely as they are) tried to hook me up with a girl who doesn’t speak English. WHY!? During the date, we literally just sat there and SMILED AT EACH OTHER, trying so hard to communicate with each other only to realize that it’s pretty damn difficult to do that when YOU DON’T SPEAK THE SAME FREAKING LANGUAGE. AWKWARD AS HELL MAN.

Here are some useful things about the first date that I’ve learned along the way.

1.) Don’t worry about the second date! I think most people go into a first date inevitably concerned about whether or not there will be a second date. Let’s be real here – the first date is an interview, and sometimes when you go to interviews, YOU FAIL. This is especially true if you’re so concerned about whether you’re going to fail or not, that you can’t even perform!!! (PUN INTENDED). Instead of looking ahead to the future, stay focused on the present. Whether it works, or fails, thinking too far ahead is only going to make the experience a lot worse than it should be. Besides, you DEFINITELY don’t want to sweat from nervousness like this guy:

2.) Have some conversational topics in mind. When you go to an interview, you go prepared (or you should anyways). So why not go prepared for a first date as well? Let’s be real…you need to get to know each other on this first date. What you feel about each other, and how you interact together on this date determines whether there’ll be a second one. Have some interesting things to say (some stories to share?) and some things you want to talk about. BUT DON’T BE DUMB about it. Don’t talk about stuff that SHOULDN’T be talked about on the first date. For example, if you have sleep apnea and have to wear one of these NIFTY MASKS, or you have some major issues with bowel control while sleeping, then probably not the BEST idea to bring that up on your first date. Instead, trick them into falling in love with you so by the time they find out…TOO LATE!

3.) Start small or go big (mostly for guys). If you REALLY want to date the girl, and you’re absolutely certain, then make the first date a very special occasion. Try to impress her a bit. Take her out to a very nice restaurant. Have something cool planned afterwards (only if dinner was a success and not super awkward), like going to an observatory, or, something. However, if you’re kind of on the fence, then start small. Do something simple, light, and unassuming so that you don’t waste your FREAKING MONEY when you realize that you DON’T want to date this girl. I’ve spent a crapload of money on a few first dates that ended up going NOWHERE. FML.

4.) HAVE FUN MAN. Girls: ENJOY YOUR FREAKING MEAL. If you figure out right away that there’s probably not going to be a second date, THEN JUST GO ALL OUT. Order the freaking most expensive dish on the menu, and get some bomb ass dessert while you’re at it. Shoot, might as well if you know this is probably the end…hahaha. Guys: Don’t be a sucker. If a girl orders the most expensive thing on the menu, and doesn’t seem at all interested in you, DINE AND DITCH, MAN. DINE AND DITCH.

On the real though…have some fun. If you have fun together, there’s a pretty damn good chance there’ll be a second date. And if there isn’t? Well, then it sucks to be you.

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