The Exit Strategy.

Ladies. It’s time we sat down and talked about it.

Oh don’t be coy with me. You know exactly what I’m talking about.

If your man hasn’t brought it up in the bedroom already, then your girlfriends have definitely shared their horror stories with you. Shudder.

If you haven’t cottoned on by now, I’m talking about taking the back door, you know, the bootyhole bump – aka, the ultimate form of birth control.

I don’t know what it is, but men everywhere are obsessed with the idea of getting a piece of that action. Okay, well I do kind of get it, what with the size and all – penis’ all over the place are crazy keen to get up in there. But for girls? It’s not all that appealing.

Why you ask? Well, for starters it’s an erogenous zone for the fellas – not for us. Taking the size struggle out of the equation I’m not saying it definitely won’t feel good (I’m not exactly an authority on the matter), you may find it does after a while, but it must be noted – there can be consequences, like with any sexual act.

The skin in that area is thin, and more prone to tearing (so protection is a must - even though you can’t get pregnant that way). You better believe that a baby doesn’t look so bad when you’ve got a nasty STD on your hands – just sayin’.

Besides that, that area of us isn’t naturally lubricated, so it can be a lot more uncomfortable when his love sausage takes a wander down south and around the corner if you know what I’m saying. So make sure you lube up, or fear ending up like a girlfriend of mine, who kissed the floor when she finally saw a #2 appear – after a week.

Of course, a lot of girls take their boy’s interest in the more untraditional form of intercourse as a sign that he doesn’t think you’re tight enough, vaginally. Let me say that in most cases, that just isn’t true. Boys always want to up the stakes a little, it all falls under the guys need to explore and conquer – so don’t take it personally.

If you are a little worried though, take part in kegal exercises. You know, the little exercises girls can do all throughout the day (even when you’re sitting at your desk) to ensure that those interior muscles tighten right up. Follow my lead with 100 a day – you know, just to stay on top of your game.

But girls. Keep in mind, the booty bump is an add-on, not an essential. If you and your partner both agree it’s something you’d like to try, take it slow. Work up to it, and indulge in a little (or a lot of) foreplay first. This isn’t the type of thing you can just jump into – so ensure you’re both comfortable and willing participants before you take the plunge (pardon the pun) and fellas? Please note that when you accidently ‘slip’ up there during regular intercourse, please keep in mind that we are totally aware that nine times out of 10 that was not an accident – and you’re just trying your luck. That is not the exit strategy that will get you what you want – trust me on that. Surprise is not your friend in matters such as these – so be smart – you cheeky little love monkeys.

The Exit Strategy.