Virginity is a destructive, heteronormative concept.
Society obsesses over the concept of virginity. Young girls are taught that they must meet standards of “purity” and “cleanliness” — standards that are determined by whether or not we have had sex yet. But placing so much importance on a social construct essentially designed to perpetuate a culture of slut-shaming and rape culture is dangerous to young girls’ health and well-being.
The truth is there is no medical or biological definition of virginity. The dictionary defines virginity as “the state of never having had sexual intercourse,” but this definition is largely meaningless. While the dominant understanding of “sexual intercourse” is penetrative sex, this ignores all of the people who have plenty of sex that isn’t penetrative. Can they not lose their virginity? How “far” can you go until you’re engaging in sex? Does masturbation count? Oral? What about the use of sex toys? The truth is: Different people define sex differently, so there can’t be a single definition of virginity.
If there can’t possibly be one true definition of “virginity,” then it seems the concept only exists to serve a larger societal problem: namely, the a heteronormative standard of sexuality. Heteronormativity diminishes the experiences of people who identify as LGBTQ* or other. Many women in relationships with other women have never had penetrative sex, so how could they ever lose their “virginity”? Men who are in sexual relationships with other men may also fail to meet these standards. The concept of virginity, therefore, erases their sexual experiences by continuing to perpetuate the idea that the only “real” sex is penetrative and involves individuals who identify as different genders.
Additionally, this understanding of virginity creates a society hell bent on slut shaming. Girls who keep their virginity until a certain age (perhaps until marriage) are seen as “pure” and “good,” whereas girls who lose their virginity earlier than society has deemed appropriate are seen as “dirty” or “slutty.” We tell women that choosing to engage in healthy, consensual sexual relationships makes them dirty, yet tell men that doing the same thing makes them “cool” or “players”?
This also adds fuel to the fire of rape culture. When we perpetuate the idea that girls are “dirty” whenever they are penetrated, women who have been assaulted receive the message that they have been marred by the violence they have survived. Instead of helping them, society tells them that because a man felt entitled to their body, they are no longer “pure” or “good.” We wouldn’t tell a victim of gun violence that they are dirty or unclean for how someone chose to attack them, so why do say that to survivors of sexual assault?
The concept of virginity is sexist, non-inclusive and contributes largely to slut-shaming in our society. By continuously telling women that their worth is determined by whether or not they have had sex, we reduce them to sexual objects instead of people. Virginity is a broken social construct that needs to be abolished if we are ever to achieve gender equality.
