We are constantly surrounded by a barrage of questionable ethical decisions. The news media, some could argue, has become an announcement mechanism for uncovering the greatest breaches in integrity around the world. From wars to political scandals to dishonesty in relationships, we are confronted with evidence of the consistent fallibility of humanity. In addition to death and taxes, we might as well add ethically questionable decision making to the list of near certainties.
Dr. Kathlyn Hendricks of the Hendricks Institute speaks of the 4 pillars of integrity. These pillars are:
- Radical Responsibility/ Healthy Responsibility
- Feeling our Feelings/ Emotional Literacy
- Candor/ Conscious Communication
- Impeccable Agreements
Here, we talk about integrity as the state of wholeness, congruence or alignment. The idea is pretty straight forward, but the execution not so much. Many of us find ourselves feeling as though our actions or decisions are out of alignment with our espoused beliefs or values. We experience cognitive dissonance on a near daily basis as we navigate an increasingly complex world. Thus, considering these 4 pillars can offer us insight into how we more fully find congruence between our beliefs and our actions.
Social and cultural change isn't easy. If it was, we wouldn't be dealing with the onslaught of seemingly insurmountable problems that overwhelm us daily. We often forget that, for the most part, people want to do the right thing. They share a sense of common decency and kindness, but get trapped in an ideological tug-of-war that prevents them from allowing their actions to reinforce their beliefs. Most people recognize the evils of racism and sexism at this point, and yet we are still burying people and looking the other way when faced with blatant discrimination or harassment. In a sense, we have ceded our integrity to those very systems and power brokers who profit from our cognitive dissonance.
Examining the 4 pillars of integrity is then an opportunity to take that power back for ourselves. We'll start our exploration with the notion of radical responsibility. Here, we are talking about our ability to fully take responsibility for all of our experiences. We've become quite accustomed to associating others' actions with our feelings, which shifts responsibility off of us and onto them. This is often a core idea in therapy. The goal is to recognize that emotions themselves are neither good nor bad, and others can't make us feeling any sort of way. We decide how we feel and what value we place on that emotion as we react to others' actions and thoughts.
Establishing radical responsibility allows us to shift our focus away from a defensive posture. It allows us to be curious as to why we are feeling the way we are, and thinking through the answers to that question. Ultimately, we strive to take 100% responsibility for our physical, emotional, and mental well-being, and allow others to do the same.
So, what areas in your life are you not taking 100% responsibility for, or blaming others for? Who am I not allowing to take 100% responsibility for their own life? This second question often stems from the best of intentions. We care about others and want to support them in any way we can. That support can quickly spill over into dependence, however, if we aren't careful.
Challenge yourself today to take 100% responsibility for something happening in your life? What might that mean for the relationships connected to that occurrence? Tomorrow, we'll feel our feelings as we explore emotional intelligence.
