Dating Magazine

Switching Teams: Becoming a Lesbian as a Last Resort

By Shauntee @shaunteebattie

becoming a lesbian Becoming a Lesbian as a Last Resort

Yesterday, I read a very interesting article that caught my attention. The author wrote about women becoming lesbians as a last resort. The article Emotional Nudity: The Truth about Swearing off Men appeared in Essence online and touched on how the lack of suitable male mates has women feeling as though they need to be lesbians to have companionship. The article was based off a Facebook status posted by well known celebrity Jada Pinkett Smith.

“In the last month, three women, in their 40s, coming out of long term relationships with men have confided in me that they now feel that their last resort for companionship is with a woman. These are women who have never engaged in or even desired to be in intimate relationships with other women. Now these women feel as though they have no other option. It seems as if there is a spike in same sex love all around. What is changing in how men and women are relating to one another, that is creating same sex love as a LAST RESORT for heterosexual women?”

I can relate to her status comment because I’ve had women tell me the same thing. I’m not necessarily sure as to whether they were joking or not, but nonetheless it was stated to me. When we have options our very last option is normally something we DON’T want to do but feel as though we have to because we have no other choice. That’s what last resort means to me. No one in the world would want to know that they’re someone’s last choice. This goes for anyone whether gay, straight, lesbian, bi-sexual, black or white. I damn sure wouldn’t want to know that I was not your first choice. It is not fair for any woman to date a lesbian just because they can’t find a suitable male. The world doesn’t work like that; you don’t wake up one morning and say “I’m going to be a lesbian today”.

I think that one of the issues here is a result of straight women thinking that being with another woman is somehow easier. Because women know other women. Relationships are hard, and regardless of whether it’s a same sex relationship, interracial, heterosexual, or whatever; it takes work. The same types of problems that exist in hetero relationships exist in same sex relationships.

It takes a lot of work for some people to be their true “authentic” self and our sexuality is not a last resort. No one should be with anyone as a last resort. It’s selfish and hurts both parties involved. Instead, we should focus on the reasons why we have failed relationships and reflect on how we may have contributed to the lack suitable men. Becoming a fake lesbian as a last resort because you can’t find a man is not a feasible option.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

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