Right from the outset, keeping it real and all that jazz, my family is far from perfect when it comes to squabbles and bingles. My two lads who got along famously for the first 11 years (and had lulled me into false security, mind you!) now have me role-playing referee far more often than I’d like to and it can be truly tiresome. Let’s face it though families sometimes argue, disagree and quarrel. It’s unpleasant, but it’s normal and often unavoidable.
[Please note that I'm NOT talking here about major family breakdowns which can occur as the result of dysfunctional behaviour and or serious/complex mental health issues. It is always sad hearing of family feuds that last generations and I think that in these situations there are often few, if every any, winners. I AM, though, talking about the niggly "pissing each other off for a bit" types of family squabble, you know, the stuff that all families have experienced at some time or another and are downright annoying rather than damaging.]
Low-level family conflict, if handled well, can even be a good thing. In the process of resolving differences family members can often emerge from a scrap with a clearer understanding of one another and a resolve to interact more positively, so here are some approaches that may be helpful
- if there’s pride that needs to be swallowed, you may just have to do it. Remember that the relationship is more important than being right all the time.
- congratulate family members who are willing to back down from a position in order to resolve a squabble. Help them restore dignity and the need to save face when you can.
- offer to negotiate and make concessions – a willingness to meet half way can work wonders.
- acknowledge that many family conflicts are caused by misunderstandings rather than genuine disagreement, so make clear communication a family focus
- stick to the issues and the facts when solving a conflict and avoid the temptation to resurrect old battles – it’s irrelevant who gave who’s Barbie a haircut 25 years ago! If the focus is on repairing the present and fixing the future rather than naming and shaming about the past, you’re on the right path.
It’s Tuesday! So, again I’m linking up with Jess’s IBOT …… over at the purely awsome Essentially Jess!
Have you checked it out yet, because it’s awesome!!
photo credit: coffeehistorian via photopin cc
