Diaries Magazine

Suck It

By Parentalparody @parental_parody
#1Nana is currently off on yet another overseas junket.
In order to distract me from her reckless spending of my ever diminishing inheritance, she bought me these:
Suck it
The straws, not the child.
Ridiculously long straws, as evidenced by the fact that they dwarf Miss3.
#1Nana said they were for my own health and well being.
To keep me further away from the cocktails, so that it takes me slightly longer to drink them.
With the added benefit of perhaps tiring me out earlier from all that extra sucking.  Which can only mean clearer skin, better pores, less wrinkles.

Suck it

While I certainly appear intoxicated, I am not.  I'm simply concentrating really hard to get that sucker in my mouth.

Clearly it does nothing for my frizzy hair. Pity.
I may also need to see a Chiropractor on account of the bodily contortions required to hold my drink far enough away to use the bloody straw.
She was undoubtedly taking the piss, but it is possibly the best smart ass gift I’ve ever received.  Also, I will save at least one for when she's old and decrepit and is living on a liquid diet, taking all sustenance via a straw. Heh. Payback is a bitch, even if I'll have to wait 20 years for it.
Suck it

One down, 24 to go. 23 after I save one for #1Nana's old aged care and sustenance.

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog