Stupid Human Tricks, Part 2

As I said a while back in my first installment of “Stupid human tricks,” before there could be “Stupid pet tricks,” there had to be stupid people to train them. But stupid people don’t need no stinking pets to be stupid! No, they just need to, well, all they’ve got to do is … breathe.
Now, before you start shaking your head in disbelief or disgust here, just consider this – you think you could do this? I didn’t think so. Now, consider this – why the hell are you even thinking about it?
You know, we hook this guy up with the woman above and POOF – we have two people who just can’t seem to eat on their own but together … she can get a drink and he gets the cookie. They might call it sympatico. Or maybe stupidico.
George! George, wake up … have you seen my broom? I just had it a minute ago and now I can’t find it. Dammit George, wake up and get out of that recliner and help me find my broom!
Sorry, this was supposed to be a photo of “The Tortoise and the Hare” but the twerp in the rabbit suit took off. Which just leaves this twer… er, tortoise.
Anybody with a horse can stage a steeplechase, but how many people would even come up with the idea of a peoplechase? Not many, for sure. And if that horse don’t pull up his hind hooves a little higher real soon there’s going to be one less of them. Go, Nellie.
OK, so you’ve been spending the whole day at the zoo, walking around and around and around. Man, could you use a nap right about now. Oh look, there’s the tiger cage. So what should you do – sleep on the floor, or sleep on the tiger? Sleep on the floor, or sleep on the tiger … sleep on the floor, feed the tiger …