Do you remember when you were younger and your primary goal was to learn how to ride a bike? You started off with training wheels and then the training wheels were taken off. You now found yourself having to balance yourself and hold the bike steady as you tried to guide it. No matter how many times you fell off you got back on again. Sometimes you bruised your knee or scraped your elbow in the process but you got up, knocked the dirt off, and got back on. Well relationships have a similar process, no many how many times they may fell, you learn from the process and you get back up. The problem is that some people simply forget to get back up! They may have fallen off or maybe seen others fall off and they simply check out. When you fall off a bike you may bruise your knee and you may even bruise your ego a little but when you neglect to get back on the bike after relationships and people have failed you. You lose the one vital thing that makes us human….your emotions.
I’ve been known at one point in time to be emotionally unavailable, in fact we all have at some point. Life and relationships will bring you to that point, but after a year I got up and opened myself up to the possibility of right one instead of finding the right now. I chose to shut my emotions down as I processed things that were gong on in my life at the time. I controlled the people I dated and I controlled when I seen them and the activities that took place when I did see them, I answered my phone when I felt like it and I didn’t even bother to form any type of attachment. Too put it mildly I simply didn’t care! I once read that living a life without emotions is like being half dead and keeping everything bottled up on the inside will eventually drive you crazy. Now I don’t know about you, but I will break every plate in my house, yell and scream, and pull a Florida Evans moment (Damn, Damn, Damn) before I let anything or anyone drive me crazy.
There are different forms of emotional unavailabilty and some people combine them and never display one particular form. Some people constantly date because they feel like no one person is ever enough to meet their needs. They constantly search for something that isn’t there and the sad part about it is they don’t have the slightest clue as to what they want. Searching for something and you don’t know what you’re searching for seems crazy. They will terminate the relationship if they feel they are getting to involved. Others will enter into relationships based off how that person feels about them as it does something to their self esteem. These people can be in relationships for months or years, they are more interested in how you make them feel rather than you. When the thrill has worn off and you’re no longer feeding their ego, they terminate the relationship and quickly move on to the next thing. Sadly, these people never truly knew the person they were involved with which to me equals wasted time. Lastly, we have people who avoid it all together or they may enter into a relationship and stay for an extended period of time. They are often introverted and display forms of passive aggressiveness, they avoid conflict and confrontation at all cost and build massive walls around themselves so no one can get close to them. Some use alcohol, TV, exercise and other distractions as away to cut out the reality of their own lives and the people around them. They refuse to acknowledge they have a problem and pretend that everything is cool when the people around them can obviously tell it not.
I was told by a friend of mine, that when I write blogs I should provide healthy solutions to the problems I write about. In this case I cannot provide a solution. Anyone who suffers from extreme cases of emotional unavailabilty can correct the problem but only if they want too. I’m a fan of therapy, especially if you have insurance, although I know many people will refuse to seek out the help they need. I”m here to tell you that if at any time I feel like I can’t deal with something, I will find the best therapist I can and deal with my shit. Life can be a challenge, people dissapoint you, people die, people lie to you, and people break your heart. The pain that life brings is inevitable but you don’t have to suffer unless you choose too. I would rather go through all these things and let my emotions take me over then to live a life half alive because I refuse to acknowledge my pain. You only get one life why waste it by being half dead! Turn the answering machine to your heart off.
If you have a friend who you know has emotionally checked out, don’t turn a blind eye. Encourage them to get help and remain supportive!
