Think about the biggest ask you've ever made. Perhaps you were asking a loved one to make a huge sacrifice for you, or you were making a really big pitch at work. You felt as though a lot was riding on their decision, and you knew how important it was to some aspect of your future or performance.
The proposition seems simple enough. You make your case, providing evidence as to why it is needed and why your proposition is the best one and worthy of being adopted. We think that if we provide enough evidence, then surely they will agree, acknowledging the soundness of our argument. Unfortunately, human decision-making doesn't usually work that way. We've all been left wondering why we were denied or unable to get buy-in on an idea we felt so confident in. That rationale seems so clear to us, and yet we were unable to convince others of it.
This is where trust and affirmation enter the equation. These are elements in a relationship that grow over time. I am unlikely to immediately trust after meeting you for the first time, but if I have a chance to work with you over a period of time, my trust has the opportunity to grow. Throughout the development of that relationship, I can make smaller asks that involve less risk and be sure to thank you genuinely for your commitment and support.
Those smaller asks allow me to build trust between us, and also give me an opportunity to positively reinforce the support you gave me. In the process, we are developing a repour with each other, and you are being given more opportunities to trust me along the way. Thus, when it's time for me to make a much bigger ask of you, you are assessing that request through the lens of the positive relationship we have built and the affirmation you received earlier for smaller asks.
This process seems pretty intuitive when you stop to think about it, and yet we so often fail to execute. How many times to we read about large policy and personnel decisions made seemingly out of the blue. They leave people caught off guard, unable to trust the organization, and ultimately less engaged and effective in their work moving forward. More over, they feel more inclined to hold onto a contradictory idea or option as optimal.
The applications here touch every corner of our world and behavior. As an educator, consider assigning shorter readings earlier in the semester and praising students for completing them before moving to longer, more advanced content. As a supervisor or manager, consider giving your team a number of smaller tasks that are still important but provide a swifter path to successful completion. Your praise of their strong work creates in them a mindset that they are capable of achieving even greater success on even larger projects.
Whatever your final ask might be, I would encourage you to think backwards and facilitate smaller "yes" moments that set you up for an easier sell on the larger ask. Sometimes you need to avoid the clickbait and burry the lead.
