This is a guest post from my friend and single dad, Brian Gallagher. Brian works in the arts and is raising three great young men (triplet boys in fact) as a single, full custody, parent. He knows quite a bit about dating while having kids at home so I'm thrilled that he's decided to share some of his knowledge. Connect with him on Facebook, Twitter, or email at [email protected]
Tina: Oh, I didn't realize you weren't married. How often do you get to see your kids?
*sigh*
My name is Brian, I have identical triplet sons who are almost 17, and I am not an alcoholic...yet.
I have full physical custody of my sons and have since 2010 when my ex-wife surrendered the joint custody of them to me when she returned to her hometown of St. Louis. In 17 years I have never missed a field trip, back to school night, camp out, parent-teacher conference, doctors appointment, bike ride, soccer game, tee-ball game or football game. I've sat on uncomfortable benches in the cold and listened to awful middle school band concerts. My sons are in the top 15 in their class, maintain AP classes, they volunteer for not-for-profit organizations, are Eagle Scout candidates, work 12-16 hours a week, do laundry, cook, clean and are very polite. Overall, they are over-achievers and are very humble about it.
My ex-wife has one weekend a month for visitation, two weekends in the summer, every three-day weekend and we rotate every other Christmas and Thanksgiving. In total she has the boys about 65 days per year.
The boys are working so they can't take off for a weekend to my parent's house in Ohio so a weekend away with you is going to be hard to find.
I work in the entertainment business so when we have a show I have to work at night or I have to cover for a sick co-worker. We may need to rain check a date or two...dozen.
I need to go grocery shopping. I need to make sure they eat or I at least text them and point them in the direction of food. Of course when we go out they'll text me and I'll have to check my phone. That will get annoying.
Did the laundry and dishes get done? Man, I used to have someone who helped me with this stuff including paying the bills. I have the money for them; I just forget to pay them some times.
Damn! The pug. I need a pug sitter if I leave for the night. Yes, she does have to sleep in the bed once in a while and since she is a pug she will shed on anything you have. Don't wear black when you come to the house. The snoring isn't anything she can help...you need to learn to love her grunts, snoring and wrinkles. She is awesome.
Did I make my bed this morning? I usually do but this morning Isprung out of bed to watch A.J. drive away with his brothers in the car. Then I cried a little. I do that. It may be allergies. It may also be me realizing that in 20 months they'll be gone from my home and I'll have to figure out how to live with out them for the first time in 18 years.
Where was I? Time. Yeah, I don't have a ton of it.
What if you are flexible in your schedule? Can you roll with last minute schedule changes? What if you roll the dice and try dating a single dad?
You get a man who knows dedication.
You get a man who knows what he is worth and what he deserves.
You get a man who puts you right beside his children and loves you all.
You get a man who values the time that you give to him because he doesn't have a ton of it himself.
You get a man who shows you respect because his children are watching.
You get a man who moves heaven and earth to celebrate YOUR accomplishments and won't leave you waiting for the party.
You get a man who has fallen in love with smiling faces every day on his children and would love to see yours every morning.
You get a man who answers your phone calls with the anticipation of saying "Love you, see you soon" at the end
You get a man who can change a diaper while putting together reports for work; cooking dinner and checking the clock to see how soon you get home because he wants couch time.
You get a man that has cartoons, zombie movies, comedies and a couple of romantic movies already in his DVD collection.
You get a man who can change a tire or tell you how to over the phone...wait, where are you? I'll come and help. I need to get cereal anyway for breakfast when I am out.
You get a man who has bought EVERY feminine product on the market and never blushes about it.
You get a man who already has nine pillows on his bed and six extra on the kid's beds in case you want to build a fort.
You get a man who is a great decorator because he watched home improvement shows with his ex-wife for sixteen years.
You get a man who knows the difference between stripper heels, pumps, flats and shoes you can dance in.
You get a man that will CALL YOU ON THE PHONE and ask you out on a date.
You get a man who will always open a door for you because his mother taught him that was the way you show a woman respect.
You get a man who will cook dinner for you, rub your feet, massage your shoulders and expect nothing in return.
You get a man who, if he loses his job, will not quit hustling every day until he becomes employed again because he has kids to feed and shelter.
You get a man who will put you first because he is ready for a future full of adventure, caring, cuddling and growing old together.
You get a man who wants his sons to see what a stable, loving and secure relationship is like because he chose you and you are a role model.
Oh...you also get my three amazing sons who are raised but are in need of a friend who they can talk to, learn from, honor and appreciate. A momish.
