Humor Magazine

S*it My Kids Gave Me and Won’t Let Me Throw Out

By Mommabethyname @MommaBeThyName

I have three preschoolers, and when you have three preschoolers, you collect a lot of junk – uh, gifts. I meant gifts. Given with wide eyes and open hearts, I acknowledge, but we’re not really expected to keep these tokens of affection, are we?

Children are truly hoarders of the worst variety. Anyway, here’s a(n unfortunately) partial list of things that have been quietly making their way to the trashcan, but haven’t quite reached it yet. Shhhh!

A ripped brown maple leaf

A dime

A cherry my son picked and then scraped a sad face into with his fingernail

Seventy-five to ninety pieces of original artwork

A ceramic bat, painted green, with both wings broken off

A wallet-size portrait of myself from the day I graduated with my Master’s degree

A small bloom of fake purple flowers

A coupon for 20% off at Kohl’s (not even the coupon part)

A broken barrette

Three more cherries 

A cat collar that was stuck in our couch for over a year

A rubber banana

A “Nice Work!” sticker that no longer sticks


Quick! What do you do with this stuff? They’re not looking.

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