Diaries Magazine

Shopping for 2 Vs. Shopping for 5

By Parentalparody @parental_parody
Yesterday I went shopping with a friend - a D.I.N.K (Double Income No Kids) friend.  I had managed to offload the kids for a couple of hours, so we figured we'd make the most of it by catching up while shopping.
Shopping for 2 Vs. Shopping for 5
First we went through the clothing boutiques (also known as Target and K Mart), where she flicked through racks and grabbed whatever took her fancy.
I looked at the childrens' bargain bins in the middle of the aisle, where everything was tossed in a great heap as frenzied budget buyers rifled through to find the mega bargain before someone else nabbed it.
She ended up with an arm full of clothing.
I ended up putting back everything I'd picked out, as I gradually talked myself out of needing any of it more than the family needed food.
Except for shoes.  Shoes are sustenance for the heart, right?
Then we went to the supermarket.
Shopping for 2 Vs. Shopping for 5
I totally out-shopped her.  So much so, that I had to use her trolley as well as my own.
She bought expensive free-range, grain-fed, eco-friendly, organic everything.  In fancy packaging that probably killed the minimal environmental footprint the manufacturer was going for with the whole tree-hugger style of food they were spruiking.
I bought in bulk.  Everything.  Toiletries, nappies, baby food, meat, lady products, tinned food.  Everything.
She was totally disgusted by this, vowing never to ever get to the stage in her life where she had to swap Fillet steak for Five Bean mix.
So I asked if she was saying that she's decided not to have kids?
Of course not, she says.  She's just not going to change her lifestyle one bit once she has them.  She's going to live exactly the kind of lifestyle that she enjoys right now.
BAHAHAHAHA.....*ladylike snort* *ladylike snort* BAHAHAHAHA...
To quote my exact reaction.
Then we went to the bottle shop.
Shopping for 2 Vs. Shopping for 5
She went for the bottled wine, and only perused the top shelf.
I went for the bargain bin and the cask wine section.
She bought two bottles, for the weekend.
I bought about 12 litres, for my sanity and survival.
Then I went back for Vodka, after realising I was soon to be left to look after the kids on my own for 2 weeks.
She said I should be the poster child for birth control and planned pregnancy.
I said one ass cheek looked bigger than the other in the pants she was wearing.


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