Diaries Magazine

Shopping Bags Vs. Bra Twirling

By Parentalparody @parental_parody
#1 Nana is a fickle creature. That's my positive spin, at least. We went to Ikea the other day.  We enjoyed the foodhall.  We spent a few hours trying to find the bloody exit.  We picked up a few necessary  impulse  items on our epic journey through the  rabbit warren  winding corridors, on our way to the  light of day  exit.
Shopping Bags Vs. Bra twirling
It was a lovely outing, until she was told she had to buy a bag in order to cart her various  impulse  necessary purchases to the car. She proceeded to  bitch and moan  complain to the checkout operator about how disgusted she was that, after spending money in the store, she was required to pay for a bag to carry her purchases out.
Because the checkout operator makes the big policy decisions.  Apparently. She complained to me, loudly, while waiting for the lift to the carpark, ensuring the half a dozen other people also waiting for the lift were apprised of her feelings on the matter. Because other shoppers are going to join her in a mass boycott of Ikea based purely on her passive aggressive  whining  complaining.  Apparently. Then she complained to me while we packed our cars and said our goodbyes. Because I'm totally in a position to make shit happen, and change Ikea policies.  Apparently. Then, her last ditch act of buyer outrage, was to request I write a blog post about it. She then asked me to make sure that I pointed out that she would be happy to pay 95 cents for a bag, if the proceeds went to a charity. What a philanthropic gesture on her part. I would seriously consider campaigning for that, if it would shut her the hell up  appease her.

Shopping Bags Vs. Bra twirling

I know which one I'd be happy to pay 95 cents for

To put this into perspective.... This is a woman who quite happily accepts disposable shopping bags from Woolworths.  But bemoans the state of our environment.  She would gladly purchase a set of hemp, organic, corn fed, farm bred, tree-hugger approved reusable shopping bags - if only they could be magically transported to the checkout for her.  Because she's forgetful.  And she lives in the country, so if she was to forget them, it would be a bloody long drive back home to collect them.  The ice cream would most definitely have melted by the time she got back. This is a woman who refuses to pay 10 cents for a shopping bag at Target, because the bags are bad for the environment. Yes, that's right.  After accepting the same bags for free at Woolworths, she declines the 10 cent bag at Target. When called on this, she finally  breaks down after much interrogation  admits that she really just resents having to pay 10 cents for a plastic bag, after buying the merchandise in the store.  Especially when the shopping bag is emblazoned with the Target logo.  Because that makes her a walking advertisement for the store, and therefore she should be able to invoice them for her advertising services.
She eyes mobility scooters with envy, because of their internal storage.
Shopping Bags Vs. Bra twirling
I'm not even joking.  I have walked out of Target with her - many times - and she's balancing a pile of knickers, books and homewares, while swinging a new bra off one arm.
It goes without saying that I always walk a few steps behind and to the left. 
While we're on the subject of bags, I thought I'd leave you with this baby :

Shopping Bags Vs. Bra twirling

The Wine Bag
Take note anyone enamoured with me enough to consider buying me a gift at any point : I wants me one of these!

The lovely Bonnie from Three Tomatoes Short thought of me when she saw this on Pineterest.  I heart Bonnie for that.  Because it is so totally me in every way : wine storage and a handbag - what else does a girl need?  I'm going to try and find one to take to the Digital Parents conference next year.  And I'm going to make sure it's fully stocked.
No promises about using a glass.  Not sure I could fit it in the bag once it's loaded with wine.

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