As ex-special forces, I am an expert at “blending in” with my surroundings to achieve the most important goal of rogue ginger warriors – surprise.
I demonstrate this in my latest book, “Béchamel Death Squad – The Lasagna Years”. Here is an extract from Chapter 4, “Sweat The Onions – Then Decapitate”.
“In the mountains for 64 days. Still no sign of The Evil Terrorist. Sent our sharpshooter sheep Stevenson into a forward position with the orders to watch the road for any sign of activity.
“Baa.” He replied.
I had wondered about a sheep’s ability to be a sharp shooter and how in the name of Oliver North and all things shady, a ruminant had passed the selection tests. Let alone pull a trigger. Still that is for the Brass to determine.
But at least a sheep does not draw attention as it traverses the lonely mountain cols armed only with a bazooka, big gun and a love of one’s country.
Point Man Jellytits O’Loon, recommended we eat Stevenson. No. Orders were Orders and I’m not much of a mutton man in all honesty.
On day 65 The Evil Terrorist and his motley crew of cutthroats and knaves ambled toward Stevenson.
ET cried,”Sim salabim, eye of a goat, tail of a coat, a beast that yields a tasty, nutritious snack at a price that won’t break the bank! It is a sign from the heavens of the righteousness of our heroin supply business.” (My Farsi is a bit rusty and this may not be the 100% correct translation).
“Baa.”
In the ensuing gunfight, The Evil Terrorist was slain. In the movie that was made of this action, Sharpshooter Sheep II,(Stevenson was played by Mark Wahlberg) the sheep is credited with firing the shot that slew The Evil Terrorist. It was me actually. Who after all seriously believes a sheep can pump an evil terrorist fulla lead?
Oscars Being Mentioned!
Stevenson is now Foreign Secretary.
