I had been dreading Xmas for weeks. I had wanted to be at home with my kids and lots of food, fun and family.
My father in law died at the beginning of the year and Xmas plans were made without me. My partner decided we were all going up to his sisters and taking his mom. It was made clear Xmas was about his mom. Not the kids, not us, his mom. It caused a lot of rows.
I didn’t want to be forced into anything so looked for a compromise When I tried to compromise I got the silent treatment for a week. So I resigned myself to going and tried to make the best of it. I got my kids everything they wanted. At least they would be happy.
The days before Xmas eve my stomach was in knots. I was frightened of leaving my home, stressed about my kids behaving in someone else’s house, worried about what his family would think of me. I tried to talk to him about it but he shut me down. I didn’t matter. His mom did. I wasn’t consulted on anything. Had no say.
Xmas Eve we packed the mini bus and the dog and my two cats. I wasn’t going to leave my 16 year old cat alone for anyone. Got the kids in, picked his mom up and off we went. The journey took three hours. The scenery was nice over the moors and the kids behaved. I was relegated to the back. His mom sat in the front chatting away. Nobody spoke to me.
When we got there the kids were frustrated and hyper. I barely had time for a coffee before one of my dreads came up. My sister in law has no kids, therefore has no real idea of safety. Ornaments left out. Staircase unguarded. Kitchen unguarded. Two year old demons heaven.
He was straight up the stairs while three other adults were stood there and he fell down them. Then they noticed. Somehow that was my fault. I was left to cuddle him.
We had stew for dinner and while everyone was happily tucking into theirs I was left with the five kids. It took me two hours and three attempts to eat mine. Nobody would take my two year old.
Then my brother in law came home whos not used to kids. He wasn’t impressed. Noisy, excited, boisterous kids and my two year old screaming because he was so tired. I tried to settle him, I told the adults if we were sleeping in front room he needed calm and quiet. They drank and laughed and left him to me. He screamed and screamed for the entire night nearly. At 12 they went to bed.
My son wouldn’t settle, by now he was over tired and couldn’t nod off. I got shouted at. I got him settled at 2 am with me on sofa but he was dropping off, crying, dropping off, crying every ten mins. I was told to sort him out.
At one point I asked my sister in law to put milk in his bottle as it helps to settle him and she put vodka in with it. He was sick.
Then she told me what she had done. He dropped off like that till half four when my brother in law came stomping downstairs. My sister in law followed, he knew we were all asleep but loudly stated that he had been kept awake all night by my son.
In the kitchen next to the living room with no door the brother in law and sister in law rowed about it. Endless coffees were made. Rustling. All my kids woke up. I was exhausted as my brother in law left for work and I laid there crying.
Then my sister in law started to prepare Xmas dinner and fill stockings at 5am. My two year old wouldn’t go back to sleep. He just lay with me, clinging on to me crying.
She stopped at 7am and went for a bath so I went back to sleep with my son. Ten am everyone woke up. Kids were excited and were made to eat breakfast and wait till the adults were ready to open presents.
By 11 am they were all washed and dressed and fed and anxious. I stepped in and gave them their presents. All four of them as I wasnt allowed to bring more.
Then at 2 pm xmas dinner was served. Nobody listened to me and I was last to eat mine at 3pm.
I was given wine despite not wanting any. I had to drink it. It gave me headache and I was already feeling rough from lack of sleep. My Xmas was spent stopping my son from killing himself on the stairs, desperate for sleep and a break and being in pain with my head.
Xmas day at 5 pm my sister in law announced the kids were to no longer to play with their toys. They were made to put them away. They were upset. I pointed out that they wouldn’t settle for bed at 5:30pm but no I was ignored. They were expected to sit in silence.
An hour later they realised it wasn’t going to happen and I took them all for a walk. When we came home I put my 7 year old and 4 year old in bath. They loved it. Then I needed milk so asked my sister in law to keep watch on my 2 year old who was in the bath alone by then. She was happy too. I was gone ten mins.
I walked in to all the adults sat in front room. I saw my son wasn’t there and ran to the bathroom.
His head was under water and his face full of bubbles and I could see him struggling to get up but he was slipping.
I pulled him up, wiped his face and he was choking and screaming.
They came running in and I was red with rage.
I was told he was singing away and had been fine. My partner turned away. He knew how angry I was. I calmed my son down and got him dressed and when I was sure he was OK I got him to sleep. I made my sister turn down the lights , and help me settle the others then put my son in his cot asleep next to my sofa. He slept all night with me checking on him a lot.
Boxing day morning he woke up and was smiling at me and gave me a hug. By mid morning we were getting ready to go home. My sister in law had my son while I put stuff in mini bus with partner and he started crying. She hit him. He screamed and I ran into him. She told me she smacked him and I took him off her. I knew then that he wast leaving my side. So he stayed with me. He didn’t cry with me. Just looked relieved.
By mid afternoon he was tired and screaming so they shouted at him. I took him for a walk. He splashed in the puddles and held my hand and counted. I got back to find my four year old crying as he had been hit and my seven year old crying as he had been called a name. I made my partner call time and we got sorted to go home.
The journey home was long. My partner wasn’t talking to me. He had been drinking the night before and had headache. Was blaming me for my sons behavior.
We had had words Xmas day when I begged him to take us home. I sat with my son. In silence.
At home I made sure my kids opened all their presents. They were so excited and happy. My partner opened his and was unimpressed. I opened nothing. I had no presents.
I put the kids to bed, my two year old took time to settle but eventually slept nine hours. I went bed and slept too.
The next day I went shopping. I bought myself Xmas presents.
My son went to bed at nine and woke at 12:30 the next morning and has settled now.
This Xmas has been the most stressful time of my life. Im glad its over. Next year im staying here. They can come to us. My house. My rules.
This inspirational post was written anonymously by a mom who is a member of myFacebook mums group. I have full permission to share her story. If you can relate to this post and would like to share your own anonymous post please contact me.
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