Dating Magazine

Sex & Love: Does No Sex Lead to a Deeper Commitment

By Shauntee @shaunteebattie

Sex & Love: Does No Sex Lead to a Deeper CommitmentThere are many reasons why one chooses to abstain from sex or practice celibacy. By definition abstinence is refraining from sex for a particular amount of time. Maybe you’ve met someone and you decided to you want to wait awhile to have sex. Celibacy however is a deeper commitment, mostly due to religious reasons, that a person decides no sex until the words “I do” is spoken. Not that I needed to explain the difference as I’m sure most people already know. The question in my head is does sex or abstinence leads to a successful relationship? Well in this brain of mine that seems to work overtime 24/7, I’m inclined to think hell no, bullshit!

I do understand that the whole “we’ll get to know each other on a more emotional level rather than physical “comes into play here. But I don’t think it guarantees that you will be respected, a long term commitment will be found, and you will become the light of their life. Maybe in your dreams this is how it plays out but in reality, it doesn’t work that way. Why? Let’s be clear here, sex is not the unspoken taboo that people don’t discuss anymore. People are very open about their sexual desires and sexuality these days. Just hop onto many of the websites that’s solely established for people looking for sex. Hell, if I started a website dedicated to such, I’m certain I wouldn’t have to keep my day job! If you’re not giving it up, trust me somebody is. While you’re holding out thinking you’re being respected, there’s a strong possibility their getting it from someone else. As far as getting to know someone on some stronger deeper level, I agree that there’s a possibility that this can happen, but let’s face it, people change! The person you meet in the beginning quite often becomes someone you don’t know in the end. Regardless of how long you wait, it doesn’t guarantee anything.

I’ve seen both ends of the spectrum; I’ve known women to have sex early and it turned into a relationship. I’ve also seen women wait only to have it fizzle within a year or so. In the words of that dreadful Chico Debarge song….No guarantees.

If you choose to abstain or become celibate, do it for the right reasons. Don’t do it thinking someone will miraculously fall from the heavens and carry you off into the sunset; live in the real world. Do it because you have a greater respect for yourself, do it because of your religious values, and do it because you feel like you have something better to offer than sex (please make sure you do) because your charm, personality, and good looks will have to be perfect to the power of 10. The positive about with holding is that when they do act an ass, you will feel much better about yourself knowing you didn’t give it up. Use your best judgment and use it wisely. People should respect your decision but they don’t have to continue seeing you. People say sex is not a big deal but realistically speaking it is.

I’m not saying that anyone should be an easy lay but you shouldn’t have the expectation that with holding will gain you a long term commitment.

Have you ever practice abstinence? If so, how did it work out?

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