Seeking approval of others is something I have always done. I have lived my life always trying to please others and always striving to be accepted. The problem was I becoming exhausted and friendships were to prove fake when I learned I was used for their own gain. I was far too busy worrying about others perceived me that I was no longer living, I was merely existing.
Its impossible to live up to others expectations.
I fear rejection and this I have now learned refers to a time in my childhood. This fear has grown and followed me into my adulthood. I have had many people in my life let me down and I grew to expect this from everyone I would meet.
Seeking approval of others is something that I was conditioned as a young girl to feel. Learning where these feelings came from has enabled me to take a look at why I do this and began to allow me to challenge the negative thoughts.
Having always felt that I was in the way and unwanted I never knew how it felt to be accepted. Despite having relationships in my youth and adulthood where I was accepted by others, I pushed these people away and forced myself to believe I was not good enough for them. Some friendships were lost due to my negative thinking patterns and my own self’-loathing.
It was time to tackle my self-loathing problem and I began to read and research and ask for therapy, that would allow me to learn how to be positive. This was a life changing experience.
It was during this new learning curve that I was able to see how easily I was manipulated. Certain family members and friends had used my weakness for their own gain. They knew my personality was to please others and never say no. Seeking approval of others made me an easy target, from borrowing them cash, babysitting or allowing them to walk all over me and treat me badly I accepted all of this because my aim was to please them. My own happiness came second to theirs and their own gain was what they wanted from me.
I have learned that despite what I may think others think of me, how would I ever really know the truth? Even if they did think badly of me, is there anything I could do to change their minds? Nobody can control what others think, so why worry so much about it?
I took a step back and looked at how much time and effort I was putting in to help others and then looked at what they were giving me back. In many situations I was doing all the running and giving and received nothing in return. I also found when I did ask for a favour, they were far too busy. Their own gain was far more important than true friendship.
Now I have learned the word no and if something is going to cause me inconvenience, money I can not afford then I use that word. If I know the person asking is doing it for their own gain then I am far too busy these days to lend a helping hand.
Seeking approval of others is no longer something I worry about and yes there are times when I find myself in the position of worrying of what others think of me. It is then I remind myself who cares what they think? Are they really that important if I feel I need them to accept me?
Seeking approval of others – Do you find yourself doing this?
