Trying to understand why your best friend or your partner does what they do can take years and no shortage of investment in time, energy, and a wee bit of frustration. That is, of course, assuming you make it that far! Trying to understand the "why" behind the actions of the countless other people in your life can feel like even more of a daunting task. Behavioral economists, organizational psychologists, and many others spend their entire careers trying to figure out the patterns and expectations in human behavior and are often still left with mere speculation at times. However there are a few general rules that tend to be true more often than not, and can probably provide some insight for you when you are asking why your partner or best friend made the decision they did!
Law #1: Behavior tends to follow the status quo unless it is acted upon by a decrease in friction or increase in fuel.
We've all heard the phrase "creatures of habit", and there's a reason it's so common. It's true. We prefer things to stay the same and go out of our way to make sure that is indeed the case. This status quo bias can be a powerful predictor of our ability to change habits. Think about how often you've bailed on your New Years resolutions after only a few week. The urge to return to the status quo is powerful! The barriers that prevent us from doing what we want to do, i.e. the friction, are those things that get in the way of our desired behavior. Perhaps we really want to start running in the morning, but that means getting up earlier and most likely going to be earlier. I can certainly relate here! The increases in fuel are the additional motivators that make that behavior more rewarding. My partner and I have been learning French using Duolingo for over a year now, and the gamification of the app is most likely just that little bit of extra fuel that pushed us over the edge and allowed us to start. After more than a year, the inertia is strong and we practice every day.
Law #2: Behavior is a function of the person and their environment, B = F(P,E).This was one of the first lessons we learned in my student development theory course in graduate school. Even without the larger context, we came to easily understand this to be true in the work we were doing with college students, and it remains true for the broader population as well. Our behaviors are the result of who we are (our ideas, believes, values, attitudes, memories, etc.) and the environment in which we experience those elements. The fact that I have continued to practice French for over a year now is explained not only by my desire to learn and commitment to learning, but also to the environment in which I'm learning. In other words, having a partner who is also learning and encouraging me to learn daily factors into my overall behavior as well. When one of these elements is removed (I'm very tired, or she is away), the behavior becomes less likely to occur.
Law #3: For every decision made, there are tradeoffs and the potential for unintended consequences.If you've ever contemplated a job change or a significant family move, you've no doubt weighed the pros and cons of such a decision, whether it be in your head or on paper. Every decision we make has costs and benefits. In choosing one thing, we are, by default, not choosing something else. We are electing to give one thing up in favor of something else. The opportunity cost is the cost associated with not enjoying the benefits of the options we didn't choose. In other words, how much is not practicing French worth to me when I decide to give up that option in favor of practicing?
The unintended consequences involve the unanticipated effects of making a decision that you think is in your best interest. I have a pretty significant love of chocolate, and when no other chocolate is around, I've perhaps been known to eat the dark baking chocolate my partner keeps on hand for baked goods and other delicious treats. On more than one occasion, she has been unable to create something which I know I would thoroughly enjoy because the chocolate was gone. I am certain I enjoyed eating that chocolate at the time, but you better believe I wasn't thinking about denying myself a delicious chocolate muffin! On a larger scale, the widespread bans on plastic grocery bags present another excellent example of these unintended consequences.
There are of course limits to how much these laws can inform our understanding of human behavior but they present an excellent foundation for considering why people do what they do, what we can anticipate them doing, and how we can anticipate them reacting to things being done to them. Perhaps you can consider these three laws the next time you are struggling to consider why your partner always leaves that one light on or refuses to make the bed in the morning!
