Dating Magazine

Rules of Engagement: Things We Do In Relationships That Are Not Fabulous

By Shauntee @shaunteebattie

Rules of Engagement: Things We Do In Relationships That Are Not FabulousBefore I started blogging, I spent some of my free time every week on Yahoo Answers. I liked reading the questions posted about matters of heart and relationships. I started answering questions and to my surprise most of my replies received the top answers vote. I remember one question that I specifically answered involved a woman who was having problems in her marriage and as she explained the situation I picked up on several things that raised red flags for me. It was a question about her husband and how he wanted to spend time with his friends one weekend. She felt that he should spend all his free time with her including the weekends. So she basically bitched, moaned, and nagged him about it until he got pissed and decided to stay home with her. She then asked the question, why was he so upset with her because he should want to spend all his time with her as her husband. This question actually inspired this blog of things we do that aren’t so fabulous when it comes to how we treat our significant other.

Bitch & Moan – There’s nothing worst then somebody who bitches and moans all the time. You didn’t do this, you didn’t do that. I don’t want to do this; I don’t want to do that. Now don’t get me wrong, I love someone with some edge that will give me some lip every now and then, but there’s a line between having some edge and being a flat out bitch for no reason. I have seen so many women and men too, bitch about unnecessary things until I wonder how the hell did you get in a relationship and my ass single? There’s always something wrong… So what I bought the wrong size thrash bags, just chill. I know that we all have our moments but if you’re having a moment everyday 24/7 then something is wrong.

Telling Your Business- I am a firm believer in keeping my matters of the heart private. I don’t brag about how good my partner is to me and I don’t tell the ins and outs of our relationship. When there’s a problem between the two of you, you should not run to the phone and call your friends and dish on the issue at hand. Any problems that may arise should be worked out between the two you not between you your partner and everyone else. A wise elderly person once told me never tell of the goodness of your significant other and never tell your problems because you never know who’s waiting for your shit to fail. If you have one trusted confidante, that’s all you need. Keep your business off Facebook, I don’t need to know that you came home and your boo was naked waiting for you….really?

Inch High Private Eye- I swear there are some people that would put Inspector Gadget to shame. You go through their phone, their wallet, their pants pocket, and everything else you could think of. For what? If your partner is always accounted for and present and is respectful enough to alert you of their whereabouts then what the hell are you snooping for? Even if you suspect something’s not right, I’ve learned that whatever information you’re looking for will normally reveal itself, if it’s anything at all. I don’t know if it’s insecurity or just plain nosiness but if you got to snoop through your partners shit you don’t need to be together. Think of it like this, how many times have you looked for something and couldn’t find it? Just when you thought it was gone, one day you’re cleaning or looking for something else and there it pops up.

Not Listening, No Support, & No Motivation- Communication requires more than just talking it also involves listening. If you don’t listen to each other then how would anything get resolved? You should take each other’s comments and concerns into consideration. People require validation; they want to know that their concerns are taken seriously by you. This includes any concern, whether it is concerns about the relationship, family matters that may be bothering them, or simply a bad day at work. Everyone at some point needs motivation and support, especially when venturing into a new endeavor, dieting, or starting a new project. Be encouraging, no one wants their dreams and ambitions shattered.

A Change Is Gonna Come – If you’re dating someone, you pretty much know if the person you’re dating has dreams of becoming the first successful middle age rapper. If you enter into a relationship with this person, you have accepted that this is what they want to do. Don’t enter a relationship with someone thinking you can change them to be who you want them to be. It doesn’t work that way, you either accept them for who they are or you don’t. Trying to change someone ruins a relationship and both of you end up miserable. I don’t know what’s worst desperately trying to change someone or changing yourself to make someone happy. Trust me a change ain’t coming any time too soon!

My Buddy, Wherever I go, You go – If I can’t go to my local Walgreens and pick up some toiletries without you tagging along, then we don’t need to be together. I wholeheartedly believe that a healthy relationship involves a little space. A little space means some time away from each other without you calling my phone every 5 minutes to see where I am. Some couples are fine being adjoined at the hip but me on the other hand, I need some space to move around. Both of you should have friends, some may be mutual some not, but you should both maintain healthy friendships with others and each should have space to hang out with others as long as you’re respectful of the relationship. Maintain your identity because if one feels like it’s lost from being wrapped up in the relationship things can go bad. If you tag along because you don’t trust your partner, you basically have no relationship. If you don’t have trust and communication, you have absolutely nothing.

I strictly blog from my point of view and my opinion. Each relationship has its own dynamic in which some of these things may be acceptable and the norm for you. In the past, I’ve been known to do a few of these but as I grew and as I matured I learned how possessing some of these traits can put a serious strain on your relationship. As I told the assumingly young wife who asked the question, if your partner is doing all they can to please you and if they’re respectful of your needs and wants then why mess it up? Relationships require communication, respect & trust coupled with love, compromise, and understanding, if you have these things then what more are you asking for?

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