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Report: Man Tries To Sleep With Cash Machine In Bar

By Nottheworstnews @NotTheWorstNews

QMI Agency reports that an allegedly drunk man in Tennessee allegedly tried to have sex with a cash machine in a bar.

The police were called, and told him to wait at a picnic table.

And then the man allegedly tried to have sex with the picnic table. Remember, everything you just read is real news.

3 Things That Could Have Made This Worse For All Involved

1. The man could have had his P.I.N. number tattooed on his genitalia, resulting in everyone in the bar learning how to empty out his bank account if he tried to run a bar tab by inserting his debit card into the men’s room urinal.

2. “Of all the lousy days to have a picnic,” a family of bears might find themselves thinking on their way back to a nearby campground.

3. The police station could have had an automated photo booth to take mug shots, and we all can wager what the man would have allegedly tried to do to that.

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