Check out my mad Paint skillz.
Because it was safer than pinching a real Kim Kardashian pic.
Seriously, this took me an hour.
Is it just me? Am I the only one who feels a teeny tiny bit sorry for Kim Kardashian?
Now, just hear me out before you start to faux vomit and unsubscribe...
Yes, she’s having the baby she says she’s always wanted.
And she’s even scored her dream baby daddy:
1. His name starts with the mandatory K 2. He’s filthy rich 3. He thinks the sun shines out of her generously rounded arse
But, already, her personal trainer is talking about how her body is going to look better than ever after she’s had the baby.
Saying how important it is for her to get back into exercise as soon as the Doctor releases her from hospital.
As in, let’s assume, a few days after the birth of her first child.
I don’t know about you – but days after having fat-headed Miss7 naturally, and a big gaping c-section for the Twin Tornado (you’re welcome for the visuals, by the way) – I was absolutely bouncing out of bed and frothing at the mouth at the prospect of pole vaulting my sleep deprived, post-birth, nursing self into a hard core exercise regime!
I mean, really, WTF?
Aside from that, Kim herself has admitted to giving in to pregnancy cravings for French fries and giant cookies.
Oh hey, she's a normal pregnant woman!
But only one single bite.
One. Single. Bite.
Oh wait. There you go. No she's not.
Cookie Monster say WTF?
Who the hell can hold a giant cookie - not just a regular sized cookie - and have one single bite?
What does she do with the rest of it?
Why can’t she just buy mini cookies and down the whole bite sized morsel in one mouthful?
And don’t even get me started on only eating one or two French fries.
That’s pure sacrilege.
Ronald McDonald say WTF?
I’m just wondering where the joy is for Kim, in the whole pregnancy process?
She’s fraught with fear over what will happen to her body. The people surrounding her are feeding that fear, while assuring her it’ll be ok….as long as she’s back in the gym within days of giving birth.
When she’s not obsessing about her infamous body, she’s probably got her Mumager, Kris, in her ear about how much they’re going to make from the first baby pics, and which magazine is currently offering up the highest bid.
Sorry Kim, you’re not allowed to be like so many other new mothers, sharing pics of your newborn bub with your friends and family via Facebook, email or text message.
Not unless they’re prepared to pay handsomely or sign an iron clad disclaimer promising to delete the image within 30 seconds of receipt, lest the media somehow get their hands on it.
Be sure to get one (disclaimer) from each of your siblings, because that shit could spread like wildfire among your family - it only takes one of them sharing it with a well-meaning friend and suddenly it’s all up on TMZ for free.
I wonder if Kim’s had time to consider baby names?
Has she chosen a color scheme for the nursery?
Or will that be decided by the highly sought after Interior Designer to the stars?
Do you think she's started buying baby furniture?
Or will that be another deal, with [insert world's most exclusive furniture manufacturer keen on scoring a spread in Life & Style magazine]. All carefully selected and co-ordinated by the world’s most prominent interior designer.
The perfect for potty training step for a golden child
This step/stool is solid gold and will set you back a cool $1.3 million
Despite the fact that she’s got what she’s always wanted, has she really got what she’s always wanted?
So, yeah, I’m saying it – I feel sorry for Kim Kardashian.
And bitch better be sporting a muffin top in at least one leaked post-baby sneaky paparazzi photo, or I am going to feel decidedly less sympathetic.
