Real Life Humorous Anecdotes Facebook Updates

". Means, The land rates must be cheap in the Sun. I wish I was in the Sun, because I could have bought a 4000000 squarefeet of land like I buy a candy for my kid.
"An average person speaks around 123 words per minute and a successful salesperson speaks 253 words per minute and my mom speaks 309 words per minute. Now I realize why "mothertongue" is called so.""I suspected burglars (Thieves) last night. But I'm scared to get off my bed. So, I made loud noises to let the burglars know that I'm in. It worked!""I wish people follow what they say. Last evening, I had a doctor's appointment. I noticed "smile please" poster displayed on the doctor's cabin door. I thought, let me give a try and with an animated vibrant smile I got into the doctor's cabin. He said "YOU MUST KNOCK THE DOOR BEFORE ENTERING. YOU UNDERSTAND?" with a rude tone.""My mind always gets attracted and pulled towards other person's dish when I'm in a restaurant. Last evening, I ordered a south Indian dish and a stranger on the other side of table ordered a north Indian dish. As usual, my mouth started watering and I said to myself "you made a stupid decision by ordering a south Indian dish, you will never make good decisions in life"""nobody is prefect in this world...sorry, perrfect...sorry...perfcet...oops...it is repfec....""Questions that make you think" of this week: You discover your wonderful one-year-old child is, because of mixup at the hospital, not yours. Would you want to exchange the child to try to correct the mistake?"Questions that you think" of the week: Which is more important; actual experiences, or the memories that remain when the experiences are over? Why?"Sometimes, I have no control over the way my body behaves. It works great until I get an important phone call and during the call I sneeze thrice, cough twice and yawn unnecessarily.""Time has changed ! Those days, during my childhood, my mom and dad used to yell at me if I write something on the wall. Now, I write so many stuff on the wall (Facebook) and nobody to restrict me."A 90 year old author has written a book "2 minute tips on time management". A 90 year old author. He will have to renew his birth certificate if he were to write a book titled "Time management in 30 days"A friend of mine has a peculiar memory power. He remembers everything about a person except their names. I met him last evening and he goes, 'hey...s...well, how is your new role at office suresh.? Sorry sandesh.? Sorry about that, i know that your name starts with 's' but....'A presenter gave me a tip on how to conduct an effective presentation, and here he goes "While you present, please don't repeat what you say, because repetition can annoy people, so please don't repeat what you say, because....you know... it can annoy people, So my point here is don't repe..."A real estate agent said "Sir, buy this house, it is close to the hospital, close to the town bus stop, close to the international school, close to the office you work." I asked him, "how much does it cost?" he said "Rs 65,00,000/-" I said "Let us close this conversation as it is no way close to my budget"A thorough investigation is needed before giving the final judgment while my kids play. Last evening, the elder one slapped the younger one and started crying as if he had been hit.According to global monthly search stats of google, the phrase “How to impress a girl” gets 135000 monthly searches, whereas the phrase “How to impress a boy” gets 12500 monthly searches. I bet that google must have manipulated the data of the second by increasing the number so that boys don’t get demotivated.Adding table salt to my dishes has always been a big challenge for me. Last night, the dish I was having was tasteless. So I added a pinch of table salt—no effect--still tasteless. I carefully added another pinch— a little effect. Cautiously added another half a pinch—bah…the dish had become salty.Advice for the weekend: never bite a fruit by judging its outer skin. last evening, I happily bite a healthy looking mango only to realize that the fruit is rotten inside.After almost 6 years I'm back on Facebook. Had a good long break from gadgets. Thinking that my facebook profile would've got deleted, I created another account in Facebook, and guess what, the new account suggested my own old profile under, "people you may know column". I was like, "who is this guy looking just like me"After Marriage, I had two options in life. 1) Be quiet 2) Be quiet. Though, initially, I had tough time choosing one of the above generous options, after serious considerations I opted for the second because the first option is little difficult to live by.Akila Shenbagavalligreat. very talented friend. say hai to him.akkuhn...My kind advice: Do not speak while chewing...akkuhn...gum. you may swallow it. I did it last evening...akkkkuhn...All my life I've been buying things at discount prices. "Buy one get one free", "end of season sale", "save Rs 1500/- on all your purchases", “a never before offer”, and still end up having nothing in the pocket end of the month. Where does all these saved money go? I still wonder.All my life i've been observing this. The majority of dining tables, in restaurants, office canteens, and hotels, i will ever sit at will wobble (shake).All my life, I have been shifting my residence--9 different places--at various locations. And I found something similar in all these rented houses that I have been relocating. All these houses have one light switch with no function whatsoever.All my life, I'll never forget this question asked by my son yesterday, "Dad, when you were a kid, were you a boy or a girl"All other fruits are fine but when it comes to banana, my 3 year old son gets confused. He doesn't know how many 'an's to add. He goes, 'banananana....?.'All roads lead to Rome. What a lie! My office bus takes a different route which always lead to the office.An author has written a book titled "18 ways to keep your wife happy". Few months later the Author's wife wrote a book titled "18 reasons not to marry a writer" and their kid writes a book "18 disadvantages of being a kid to the parents who write a lot"Are doctors that busy? Last evening, i had been to a clinic, waited for 30 minutes in a bigger room, then nurse took me to a smaller room where i had to wait for another 20 minutes. finally, i met a junior doctor. he examined and gave me an appointment for next week to meet the senior doctor (whom i actually wanted to meet last evening).As a family, me, my wife, and my children have one common habit. We kick each other in our sleep.At home, life is spent on unnecessary things. For instance, kitchen cabinets; the closing of one cabinet causes another to open, and I spend another few minutes playing with these cabinets.At last, pressure cooker did the trick. Last evening I was playing with my 3 year old son. The game was to scare him to fright. I tried several methods such as wearing a ghost mask, hanging my tongue out, widening my eyes, screaming like an evil. Nothing worked. As I was tired, I was about to give up, but meanwhile, suddenly, from the kitchen, the pressure cooker got realized, "brsssss"; my son goes, “buuuhh”; I won.At least next time when god creates human beings, he should add some extra features. For instance, a feature of controlling involuntary human behavior. Last evening, I found it very difficult to control my sneeze in an overcrowded office elevator. After controlling my sneeze for approximately 2.4893 secs, I gave up. However, instead of going, “aaaaaaaaacccccccchuuuuuuuuu’, I tried my best to go, “aaaaakkpppss”Being a married man, I would never forget to wish my wife Valentine's day every year because I forgot it once and I had it.Being in a big family, I, recently, found one similarity among my wife, my mother, my brother and my two children. They all hate me at an equal degree. I secretly asked individually, "In the scale of 1-5, 1 being "Hated least" and 5 being "hated most, which one do you choose". All of them chose 5. In fact, my brother asked, "Is FIVE is the highest degree?"Being married for 5 years, me and my wife must learn to come to an agreement quickly. Last evening, I wanted to go to a cinema, and my wife wanted to go shopping. By the time we made the decision, the tickets were sold out and the shops were shut.Between potato chips and me, potato chips always win. I: “Ok, don’t look at it, it is irresistible, I’m sure you can, you know there is fat content in it, avoid it”. Potato chips: “That is fine, taste me, I’m salty, crispy, crunchy” I: “No, not this time, I’m on diet”. Meanwhile my hand would have already taken one of the potato chips.Bharath Nagabhushanwow its truely amazing cartoon....i do remember d comment...Bills are always confusing. Everymonth, I submit medical bills to my employer (Bosch) for reimbursement. This month, without noticing, I attached a provision bill, that contained detergents, pulses, toothpaste etc, along with 10 other medical bills.Both my mother and wife have this habit while shopping; they silently disappear into shops while I end up talking to myself when walking along the busy streetsBoth of my sons(4 year and 2 year old) are very cooperative and always work in team. My first son removes and throws my cellphone, and my second son puts the cellphone in water.Branded shirts are expensive even after discounts. Last evening I saw this sign board which said, "75% off on the branded shirts". I curiously checked the cost of these shirts to realize that it still takes half of my salary to afford this brand.Business InsiderYou Can Tackle 40 Household Tasks With Only Five Itemshttp://www.businessinsider.com/tackle-40-household-tasks-with-only-these-5-items-2012-8Business InsiderYou Can Tackle 40 Household Tasks With Only Five Itemshttp://www.businessinsider.com/tackle-40-household-tasks-with-only-these-5-items-2012-8By keeping superficial incidents, my 4 year old son has concluded that my office is the best place to work. Recently, the company I work had organized an "Open House" event where the employees can bring their families to the workplace. Fun games, activities, and delicious snacks were arranged for the families. As my son was enjoying the evening he said, "Dad, when I grow up, I'd like work for this company along with you because it is so much fun. You have exciting games and activities." He thinks this is what I do everyday.Came up with a Mnemonic "S My CAPS" to teach Count nouns to kids. So, the confusion of when to add the letter "S" in certain words is cleared to certain extent. "S My CAPS" stand for, Society, Measurement, Container, Animal, Abstract, PersonCelebration differs from person to person. After hearing so much of bursting of crackers on diwali, my 3 year old son was little confused about what is happening in the world. He asked, 'why are people bursting crackers?' i, 'they are celebrating', he, 'that means, they don't have to go to school anymore and have as many chocolates they want?'Combing my hair before leaving to work is waste of time. Every morning, I comb my hair, take my motorbike, wear the helmet, reach the office, remove my helmet; hairstyle changed ~()+=:-|Dear friends and family, i'm happy to let you know that i've started earning money through my passionate hobby; writing. I cordially invite passionate budding writers to join me. You can write on any topic of your choice, at anytime, and get paid for it. Visit my blog www.sridharchandrasekaran.blogspot.com to know moreDo you know, "Humans blink over 10,000,000 times a year!" Now...blink....I know...blink,blink...where all..blinkkk...my time is...blink,blink,blink...going..blDoes feelings differ between adults and children? My child 3 year old son doesn’t feel the way I feel. For instance, my son doesn’t get the kind of body reaction I get when he runs his fingernails down a chalkboard. Krrrkkrrkkrrr! And he does this with an animated smile to irritate me!dry the clothes in the washingmachine before we leave for a meeting.During job seeking days, I was always wondering how to answer this popular interview question "tell me about yourself".So, came up with 4E formula. Education, Experience, Employer, Enthusiasm-mnemonic of the weekEngineering behind communication skills is simple. SQIL mnemonic. Be silent, ask questions, be informed, listen to your co-engineers. Your behavioral skills is as important as your technical skills.Engineering behind communication skills is simple. SQIL mnemonic. Be silent, ask questions, be informed, listen to your co-engineers. Your behavioral skills is as important as your technical skills.English learning verrry verry easy. See, now only I learnt full englis properly well. Two matter everybody keep in brain whenever English you learn. Correct Grammar sentence structure should be there for everybody. Awaid speling mistak in englis. That is all, matter is simple.Even cockroaches have become very bold these days. Last night, it stood right in front of the toilet door waving its antenna as if it said "Hey, what's up? haven't slept yet?"Even god is becoming creative now-a-days. Last evening I bought potatoes and one them was so deformed (shapeless) that even Archimedes (father of mathematics) would find it difficult to understand its shape. He would say "Wow, I've never seen that shape before. I doubt my formula 'sum of n=0 to the power 1/4 with a upper infinity limit' would really work."excited:-)))Facebook doesn't behave what it seems--specially those three moving marks that blink. I wanted to watch one of the videos my friend posted on my wall. I clicked the video, there were three blue marks blinking and moving rapidly. The way it blinked—so fast--I thought the video will be loaded in seconds. But it took 25 minutes to load. Hey blue mark, RELAX! You are not as fast as you think!first, I must fit a light bulb along the staircase of my house. Last evening, I was climbing the staircase in the dark and as usual the topmost thread of the staircase had disappeared.For guys, cooking should be part of college syllabus, because it is one skill that is essentially needed especially after marriage. No, it is not as easy as physics or mathematics. It is tough! Quite tough! In fact, multitasking skills is required. Last evening, I was happily cutting vegetables, cherishing my newly acquired cooking skills, while a pan of water was burning to fire as I forgot to switch of the gas.For my two year old son(Sushrith), "s" is refusing to enter his tongue. He says "k" instead of "s". He calls his mom "kowmi" instead of "sowmi". I want him to say "she sells sea shells on the sea shore", guess what he says "khe kells kea khells...." and I requekt my fakebook friendk not to publikike thik pleak. I hope that kukrith will improve koonForget about me cutting my own finger nails, cutting nails of others is extremely difficult. Recently, I was helping my 8 year old son clipping his nails, he started screaming even before I started to clip. He, "aouch" I,"I didn't even touch your nail" he, "I thought you did" as I continued, he, "ahh" I, "son, you've to trust me, I'll clip it carefully, relax", And after few seconds again, he, "auhhaouch", he screamed again, this time I've really clipped his skin but I didn't believe until I saw his finger bleeding.Freezing AC temperature at my office today, I guess it is 15 degrees or so. With this freezing temperature, my productive hours are lost as I have to comfort myself going to the toilet frequently. 18 times since morning. Undoubtedly, my office is the coolest one ever.Friends and family, who are yet to join the group of mine(lazy columns), It is time for you to reconsider my invitation. Lazy columns is going so strong that it met its first group's goal. laziness! No activity has been happening for the past many months by any of the group members.Friends, Family, I have been observing that there are many things that can be reused or put to another use. For instance, an old newspaper can be reused to wrap around a glassware. I feel that all of you have more creative ideas of reusing stuff. I like to post one material, everyweek, you can give creative ideas to reuse it. Person who gets highest "likes" will be the winner. This week, Ways to reuse an old helmet?From next time, I better stop asking questions without having full information. Recently, i met my friend with his dog. I go, 'cute, can i pet him? Sorry can i pet her? Er can i pet it?From now on, I should never make a grocery list in front of my three year old son because it affects my budget. Last evening, I was loudly listing my grocery list, "Refined Oil, 1/2 litre, detergent powder, 2 packets…mmm…fruit jam, one bottle…mmm…" beside me, my son, "FIVE STAR chocolate, 5 pieces, butter cookies, 2 packets (small), icecreams, 4, (two for me, and two for my brother)…mmm…Cadbury…."From now on, I will never ask my 3 year old son for any suggestions. Today, I bought two identical toy cars for both of my children. Little confused about how to differentiate it, i asked my 1st son for suggestion. He took his brother's toy, broke the tire and said, 'the broken one belong to him, and the good one belongs to me'From now onwards, I've decided not to answer any of my five year old son's questions because, offlate, it is becoming too challenging for me to answer. Last evening we're having an orange fruit and he asked, "Dad, what is the name of this fruit?", I, "Orange" he,"I didn't ask the color of the fruit, I want to know the name of the fruit" I,"The name of fruit is Orange too", He,"That can't be. You don't know the name of this fruit. apple is the name of the fruit and is red in color, pineapple is the name of the fruit and is yellow in color and this fruit is orange in color and it must have a name"Ganesh KaveripakkamNice.....he looks like Sowmya is it? on second thought, I think its a mix of you and SowmyaGanesha festival reminds us elephants. How about initiating a festival to remember tigers, so that we can cut costs on "save tiger" advertisements. People will not only save tigers but celebrate its presence too. Om tigeraraaya namah. tiger poojayami. But care must be taken not to tie tigers in front of temples to collect alms as you end up collecting arms.Gayathri SantoshThats Kwel Sridhar :)Generation has changed. Those days, when I made a mistake, my mom use to pinch me, slap me on my face and say, "If you repeat that mistake, You will be dead." recently, I spoke to my elder son, who hit his brother, and politely asked him, "May I kindly know why did you hit your brother?", and he goes, "Dad, you are so rude, I hate you"Glue works on shirt buttons too. last evening, one of the shirt buttons weaved off of my favorite shirt and I had no time to stitch it. So, I applied glue to paste the button on the shirt and used safety pin from behind so that it looks as if the button is doing the holding. it worked!God could have saved our time by designing us better. Whenever I sneeze, I sneeze twice. Instead, god could have made it as one long strong sneeze. AAAAAACCCCHHHHHUUUUUUU…done, go back to work!Good that Obama visited India. Last evening, his speech had been telecasted live on one of the news channels. Obama said that he likes Gandhi's principles. Obama specially believes in the non-violence approach of Gandhiji. I couldn't concentrate much on his speech because I was busy resolving my two children's (Sushrith and Sushang) conflict on who owns the new toy that I bought for them last week.Google is inefficient, I say! Type google in google search engine and it takes 0.10 sec to find its own identity. 0.10 SECONDS. A superbrain search engine must say, immediately, without thinking even for a micro-milli sec that "You are typing in google". Ask my name, I would say "SRIDHAR" even before you complete the question.Google is like my wife. It is difficult to understand my wife. Here is what google has done to me. Google prefers something else other than repeating the keywordGreat news. My friend is a cartoonist and I requested him to come up with a cartoon using one of my old facebook status. Here is the result. The cartoon version of my old post(feb 7 2011). Thanks my Friend:). see the "comments column" to read my old post.Happy to start a blog on "Grammar for Kids". The idea is to teach English grammar using simple acronyms, Mnemonics, shortcuts, and abbreviations.Have you heard of a person who lost his mobile phone, which was kept in the trouser's side pocket, while riding the bike? you guessed it. I lost my mobile phone. Moral of the story: :~(((((((((Hazel VinithaIf this is your first son, do you have any other son or daughter??????Heard of a car which costs just Rs 20,000/-. Brand New. Air-conditioned, attractive interiors, and has a high quality music system. But the company suggests the customers to buy one important accessory along with this new car -- EngineHey inventors, do something about the Sellotapes. The harder I try to cut it the longer it becomes. Then, bite! Now, it has stuck on to my chin.Hey, thanks for all my facebook friends who had time to read my column. First time, I'm seeing 35 facebook likes for my article. Thanks buddies and family and I know you are searching for me with an uncontrolled anger.Pardon me please, I will not write for another month. Promise!Hi Friends and Family, I felt like sharing my recent achievement. Today, my website www.think-behave-speak-write.com reached 25,000 hits (visitors) from across the world. Partly, the credit goes to many of you who visited my website and read my articles everytime I posted it on my wall. Thanks to all of you who visited my website and encouraged me to succeed. I'm excited and motivated.Hi Shanbagavalli, nice to see you in facebook:)Hoping to be punctual, I set my watch 15 minutes fast. Now, whenever I look at my watch, I say to myself in a relaxed tone "Be cool, it is 15 minutes fast" and end up going late to the meetings as usual.How to persuade someone using 5 C mnemonic: Calculate, Care, Command, Consider, Calm, Compensate. So, whether it is your life partner, your kid or your manager, try one of these verbal communication I am keen to find a girl for my son than to find a kindergarten or a schoolI avoid showing pictures in my presentations during office meetings. Picture speaks a 1000 words and the point that I have to say is lost.I bought a book "how to become a millionaire in 6 months". But, 6 months from the date of publication the author became a millionaire. Now I know how to become a millionaire -- write a book on "how to become a millionaire in 6 months"I bought a new toothbrush but I misplaced it. I know it is there somewhere very safe but I forgot place where I kept it. After unsuccessfully searching it for 2 days, I finally decided to buy another tooth brush. Guess what? I found the lost toothbrush immediately after I bought a new one. My doubt is, is this how life works or mine is an exception?I bought an adhesive last evening. It says "bonds anything and everything". In that case, the adhesive should have bond its own cap of the bottle.I bought an ink pen. I have decided to use only ink pens for the rest of my life.I bought this revolutionary book "Improve your super power memory" last week but I forgot were I kept this book.I bought this tooth brush that is recommended by 95% of the dentists in the world. Quite expensive! but I don't see much difference. I think 95% of these dentists must have used this tooth brush even before I bought it. I need a toothbrush that is not used by anyone. Hygiene please!I came across a self-book titled "This book will change your life" and I didn't buy it as my life has already changed after marriage. I can't undergo another catastrophic change in such a short span.I came across this book titled "Creative Ways to Bring Up your 1 Year Old Kid". It is 1015 pages. By the time I finish reading this book my kid may be old enough to say "Dad, do blue-ray CDs work on the same principle as DVDs work?"I came across this dirt spot on a window, spent 10 minutes trying to remove it before discovering that the dirt is actually on the other side of the glass.I came across this fact "Mosquitoes have 47 teeth." I wonder how they counted them. "Say eeeeeeeee, ok, 1,2,3,..36..oops, lost the count, say eeeeeeeeeee again, pleaseI can easily take both my manager's and my wife's calls simultaneously, one on my left ear and the other on my right ear, because for both of them, my response is always, 'Yes yes...','You're right...','I can definitely do that for you...','I can understand that'I carried TV remote control instead of my cell to the office yesterday. No wonder I haven't got any promotions for the last four years.I cleaned up my blog, finally and posted my first article. Hope I will be a consistent blogger from today.I did a big mistake of taking my son for a bike ride on a main road that has a circle. Last evening, I took him for a bike ride and we came across a circle. Just for fun, we took 4 turns around the circle. Now, at home, wherever I sit, he assumes me to be the center of the circle and rides around me with his imaginary motor bike and I’m not able to concentrate on my work. Drrdrrddddrrr,pommp,…pomp…kinngghh…drrdrr..I did better buy a magnetic direction needle (compass) before I go to the supermarkets next time. I was stuck in the 4 floor of one of the supermarkets last evening. I walked straight, took a right, and then left, again left, yet another right and walked a few yards to realize that I had reached the same place where I was before.I did many odd things during my school days, for which I have no answer even today. Last evening, I found an old pencil of mine, which I had been using during my school days. It has teeth marks all over it.I didn't know some of the involuntary behaviors of human could also be altered. Last week, We made our 4 year old son to take off from school because he had acute cough. By weekend, he was completely cured. Last night, I was talking to my wife, "Our son seem to be fine and healthy, fit to go to school tomorrow. What do you think?", Even before my wife responded, we could hear him from his bed room, loudly, "uukkkkuuuuuhh....kkuuuuu...hhhh".I do not know how to explain it to my son that every rule as an exception. Last evening, at the supermarket, two to three strangers wished my son, "Happy new year" but he didn't respond. Further, at the billing section, the cashier wished him, "Happy new year" for which he didn't respond neither. The cashier starred at me. To avoid the embarrassment, I told my son, "Son, wish her, 'Wish you the same'" and he said, "Dad, but you always tell me not to talk to strangers"I don’t know about elders but kids in India have enough independence. Yesterday, we were getting ready for a family invite at my office on the occasion of independence day celebration. I wore a blue shirt--in fact, I am a bit sentimental towards this shirt as my mom gifted this to me long back--and asked my son, “How do I look in this shirt?”. He, “Hahaha…you look funny and look at your hair!...I can’t stop laughing” further he called my mother and said, “Grandma, the shirt you bought for my dad looks funny.” Freedom of expression.I don’t know from where my three year old son learn all these skills. For instance, being politely smilingly rude. Last evening, I asked told him, “Whenever you drink water be careful so that it doesn’t spill on your clothes.” He politely said, “heheheehehe, I can’t, hehehehe…mind your own business, heehehe...I hate when people give me advice..heh..”I don't know when did my 3 old son developed this habit; Hugging people around him when he hears a good news. Last evening, in the supermarket, I thought of buying him a chocolate for his good behavior. I told him, "Son, go, buy any chocolate you want". He, "Yaaahooo" and unable to control his excitement, he hugged a strange woman who was standing beside him.I don't know why I become so happy when I get a tax refund. After all, it is my money to start with.I don't know why my mind behaves like this. My mind stops, everytime, when it comes across "Push", "Pull" doors. My mind gets confused for a moment and ask me, "Push is like this?? or...like that????" and I end up spending few more seconds telling my mind "PUSH is like this and not like that, PULL is like that"I end up dancing in front of shopkeepers while searching for money in my pockets. I:"How much?" Shopkeeper:"20 bucks" I:"A moment please" hands on shirt pocket;no money. hands on left front pant pocket; no money. hands on right front pant pocket; no money.hands on left back pant pocket; no money. hands on right back pant pocket; money but torn.I expect shopping malls to use less technology so that they avoid confusing the customers. Last evening, this lady with a beautiful smile, bowed down in a friendly manner, and said, with a polite voice, “Good Morning, welcome to xyz(shop name), wish you a happy new year”. I said, “Thanks a lot, wish you the same”. But I realized that it is a doll only when she repeated "good...wel...happy..."I experience one disadvantage of a long weekend. I tend to forget all the passwords that I use at work. Log in passwords, office email passwords.I find it very difficult to make my son go to sleep. Last night, to make him go to sleep, I started with a story, "Once upon a time...", secretly watching him to see whether he had fallen asleep or not. after 20 minutes I could see that he had gone to sleep. In a soft low tone I closed the story by saying, "They lived happily ever after". Then, there was voice, "OK, now, tell me another story dad"; MY SON'S VOICE!I go blind without spectacles. And, I should avoid removing my spectacles especially while waiting for bus at the bus stop. Last evening, I was waiting for my bus. After noticing no signs of any bus, I removed my spectacles to clean the dust. Meanwhile, a bus arrived; by the time I wore my spectacles to read the bus number, the bus had already left; it happened to be a bus of my route.I got a call for which I responded something like this "hello...oh hi...ok...ok...ok..........ok.....certainly.....you are right......ok......ok.....I agree......ok....ahn...ahhan....yeah...correct...ok....that is right...ok bye..." guess who called? you guessed it right. My wife.I had a business lunch with one of my clients today. He said as our food arrived, 'oh, there's no way i can finish all of that' and he did.I had been to an art gallery last evening and I had to spend minimum 3 minutes in deep concentration at each picture though I understood nothing about the pictureI had been to one of my close relative's marriage last evening. In the marriage hall, I had to smile at many strangers whom I don't even know. For instance, my wife.I had given a notification to my bank for the change of address. They have sent a confirmation letter saying, 'Your communication address has been changed successfully' to my OLD address.I hate telling jokes to my 4 year old son because he embarrasses me. Last evening I was sharing a joke, "Son, you know why did a boy bring a ladder to school? because, he wanted to go to high school...ha...ha...ha...", My son, "Dad, can you explain the joke?"I have 12 different sized suitcases at home, but their handles are broken. So, I always end up carrying these suitcases either on my shoulders or on my head while I travel with my family. I feel it is much easier to carry the family burden than to carry these family suitcases. Please! Inventors, Please! stop worrying about Iphones and Androids for sometime and do something about the suitcase handlesI have a bad news and a good news. Bad news-my 3 year old son's mouth is badly hurt. Good news-he can't talk for atleast 2 daysI have been noticing this since my childhood with ready-made clothes. These ready-made clothes come with sizes that are either little big or little small for me. For instance, if I go for shirt size 40, it is little big for me and 39 is little small. I would be happy if these garment guys could come up with sizes like 39.3, 39.6, 39.8, 40.3...I have been observing this behavior of mine when ever I play bowling game. I try to control the released bowling ball by twisting my body in the direction I want it go.I have been working at the same desk in the same office for 4 years and have my own ideas why I've been continually passed over the promotion.I have bought at least more than 250 pens in my life time, but I always end up borrowing one from others.I have close to 13 books lying all over my bed. People think I read a lot. Actually I use these books as head rest instead of pillow, leg rest instead of pillow, hand rest instead of pillow.I have come across this situation many a times at work. Last evening, i tried everything i know to fix a computer problem. Finally, after half an hour of effort, i realised that it is impossible to solve the issue by myself, i begged my IT support guy to come, and he tapped about two keys and the problem is solved!I have found a new way to send my child to school. Everyday, he starts his day by saying, "I WON'T GO TO SCHOOL TODAY". Even after trying many techniques like promising him a chocolate, assuring him buying toys or allowing him to watch his favorite cartoons, I found it very difficult to convince him. Today, as usual, he started, "I won't go to school today", I, "I won't go to office today", He, "So what?", I, "Simple, if I don't go to work, I will sit at home and play with your toys and the chances are I might break them", He, "I will go to school from today"I have heard of humans going through mixed feelings and emotions but I haven't experienced it. Today, I'm going through it. A mixed feeling of joy, sadness, anger, surprise, and a confused state of mind. I'm celebrating my fifth wedding anniversary today. I feel like both laughing and crying at the same time.I have just started reading "how to stop worrying and start living". But I'm little worried if I will be able to complete it."I have learned that i should stop hating my job. Last evening i met my friend's dad who got retired from his job recently. Now, he feels so bored sitting at home that he actually misses the job he hatedI have learnt a new skill today; how to suppress yawn. it is simple; while you yawn, close your mouth by tightening your lips, and take the yawned air gently through nose. The art of suppressing the yawn is helpful while attending important department meetings."I have no clue if my son is taking the right approach to study English alphabet. Last evening I asked him to repeat the alphabet; he goes in reverse alphabetical order, “Z-Y-X….”I have noticed that, when I search for something, I re-look at the same places where I looked once already. Lost my Office ID-badge? I search for it looking in the drawer, in the TV stand, and in the book-shelf. Now, I hurriedly go back and check again in the drawer, in the TV stand, and in the book-shelf and ask myself "gone nuts?"I have noticed this habit of mine whenever I travel on a car as a passenger. As if I have the control, I step on the brake on the passenger side of the car when an obstacle is noticed. Or I hold the driver tightly.I have some friends who curse interestingly. This guy cursed me last evening "May all the hair on your head fall but one and let that one hair grow grey"I have this bad habit of popping my head up over the wall of my cubicle to see what is going on in other cubicles.I have this habit especially during summer seasons. I turn my pillow over and over, looking for the cool spot while sleeping in the night.I have this habit of shouting at foreigners in the belief that the louder I speak, the better they'll understand me. I should stop this and learn their language instead.I have used "procatalepsis"(figure of speech) humor device in my recent lighthearted humor article.I heard a fact. "You can't sneeze with your eyes open". That is an eye opening fact. Isn't it?I heard a strange fact, “80% of our brain is water”. Now, I know why I had been failing so many times, in so many subjects, in so many exams during school and college.I heard a weird fact “Human teeth are almost as hard as rocks!” known this fact, I have a great idea for the next Valentine’s day. How about carving something on my rocks(teeth) like “Happy Valentine’s Day” and go stand before my wife and say “eeee” and she goes “Thanks, how romantic!”I heard an amusing fact "Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying." I wish this also works when I'm crying while my wife is blasting me.I heard that Thomas Alva Edison failed 10,000 times while trying to invent Light bulb. But that kind of story doesn't work for me. Last week, I failed in one of my office tasks; within no time there was call from my customer blasting me saying "How could you go wrong"; my colleague called me and asked "What the hell is going on"; meanwhile, my manager sent a mail "If you don't fix it NOW, you will be fired."I heard this fact today morning: "The sun is 330,330 times larger than the earth!I heard, according to statistics dogs and cats consume over $11 billion worth of pet food a year! BILLION?...I think it is tastier than human food.I heard, in one of the small villages in Africa, people rub nose with each other in greeting. So, ideally, one must remove their spectacles while greeting. For me, it is difficult to survive in this village because I'm afraid that I might rub the wrong nose--or even ears--because I can't see anything when I remove my spectacles.I heard, like our body muscles, even brain muscles grow if the brain is trained with exercises like solving puzzles, or engaging in creative mind activities. If this is the case, I’m sure, great inventors like Einstein, Thomas Alva Edison and Isaac Newton must have had six packs in their brains.I hope god learns this idea and apply it next time while creating human beings. The idea of of restarting the computer when Windows Operating System fails to operate properly. Imagine this, today morning, I wake up, and fight with my wife, Restart. My child spills a cup of coffee on-  my office shirt and I’m disturbed. Press Restart. My boss blasts me for bad performance. Restart or—switch off.I hope our scientists and inventors do something about these plastic shampoo sachets. While taking bath, I do all the unsuccessful circus tricks to open these shampoo sachets and finally end up opening it by biting off the corners. And I wonder how senior citizens manage it with their set of dentures. AaaaKKKK! dentures broke or Poof! kicked the bucket!I hope some of my 3 year old son's negotiation techniques work with my boss too. For instance, last evening, in the super market, my son, 'Dad, buy me that chocolate, otherwise I will scream and gather the crowd'; I bought him a chocolate without saying a word. So, I should go to my boss and say, 'Boss give me a promotion, otherwise I will scream in the office and gather the crowd'I jumped out of the chair with surprise, when I heard this weird fact; "Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.I know where to look for, if I lose something at home. Last evening, I was searching the electricity bill of this month. After 10 minutes of search I found that it has been chewed by my second son(10-month old). Now I realize why some small parts like pen caps, broken toy car tyres, and safety pins disappear from home.I know why people don't laugh at my jokes. Hastily trying to impress people, I always give away the punch-line way before the jokeI lead a disciplined work life but not a disciplined house life. At work, I send customer reports on time, reply every business mail promptly, be punctual in almost all office meetings, take responsibility of all the office tasks assigned to me, keep my desk neat and tidy. At home, I am lazy to even refill the ice tray.I learnt that I should never blow a bubble gum in front of my 2 year old son. He has this overwhelming desire to reach out and pop the gigantic gum bubble billowing from your mouth. I got a punch from him last evening when I tried blowing the bubble gum.I learnt that i should never take my 3 year old son for a walk after rain. Last evening, after a heavy rain, i took him for a walk, and he jumped on every pot hole of stagnant rain water on the street, splashed water on the street dogs, looked at me and said, 'doesn't want to join with me in the water game?'I like facebook to be more advanced. Like, they could have provided an option of another ‘like’ function so that I can ‘like’ people who ‘like’ my wallposts as I really like these people who ‘like’ my wallposts. But it is unlikely of facebook that they introduce this concept of another ‘like’ function. Perhaps, they like to keep the ‘like’ function as simple as possible like any another social networking sites.I like my son's aspirations but his intentions behind the aspirations are kiddish. Last evening, I, "Son, what you want to become when you grow up?", He, "A doctor or an engineer", I, "And then?, He, "Earn more money", I, "Ok, what will you do with that money?" He, "Buy more toy cars"I live in mosquito prone area. I tried mosquito coils, mosquito mats, mosquito sprays and mosquito nets. Nothing works. In fact, the money spent on these stuff has exceeded my house rent. Now, I'm left with only one option. Kneel down in front of Mosquitoes and say "Please leave us alone. I beg you" I hope this non-violence approach work.I lost many friends because of this bad habit of mine. I borrow a pen and then put it in my own pocket.I love to go green but I go red when I hear the prices of these go green products. After enquiring the price of an eco-friendly rechargeable emergency lamp I have decided to stay in dark instead.I met this beggar last evening who accepts only credit cards. No cash please!I must avoid talking to strangers, especially in railway stations. Recently, I was waiting for my train. I was little bored and thought of cracking a conversation with an old person sitting next to me. I go, “So, new to town..” and our conversation went on for some time. Meanwhile there was an announcement from the railway authority, “Dear passengers, do not entertain relationship with strangers as they turn out to be robbers..” the old guy was confused; I was embarrassed.I must be really quick while I’m parking my bike. Last evening, this young guy zoomed in to a parking space I’m about to pull into.I must change this bad habit of mine when I’m shopping in the supermarket. Last evening, while shopping, I took a packet of ghee off the grocery shelf, after sometime, decided I don't want it, and then put it in another section—toiletries.I must do something about my bad memory. Last evening, at work, I was introduced to a new colleague and he mentioned his name. But I forgot his name during the conversation. I was obsessed whether his name will be repeated. Finally, I had talk to him without taking his name, "I understand, SIR…yes, my PAL…how nice of you..Mr.mmmm...I mean how nice of you, FRIEND…you are right…uhh…BUDDY"I must quickly do something to improve my memory, because it is costing the company I work for. Last week, my office has provided a laptop lock to me to protect against theft. But, lately, I realized that I religiously lock the laptop everyday but leave the keys right next to it.I must realize that my kids are growing. Last evening, to impress my kid, I tried acting like an elephant by hanging my one arm on the forehead, and the other arm behind and made sound of an elephant. He looked at me with an expression, “Dad, grow up, why are acting kiddish?”I must stop using my CD player batteries until the last bit of battery power as it alters and spoils even the best song. Last evening my CD player was running out of battery and the song with a phrase “It is a beautiful life” was sounding something like, “oooottss aaaaaaaaaaa ..B…ooooot..fful…luuuuuuuooooooooooffffe..krkkrrrr..kk” “ooot……………..ffffeeee”. time to change the boooottry!I must teach my 3 yr old son how to eat an icecream; otherwise he is not going to stop contributing to our water scarcity problem everytime he has one. Recently, he had an icecream; the only place the cream couldn’t reach was his eyes. The icecream was dripping all over his face. To add on, he squeezed the icecream cup to stain his shirt and shorts. I had to pour 2 buckets of water to clean this guy.I must teach my son some better ways to do the daily activities. Yesterday, while he was taking bath, he was sliding himself back and forth in the bathtub in order to mix the too hot water with the cold water.I nominated three people in my life who yell at me the most; 1) My wife, 2) My Manager, and 3) My mother. You know who won? Take a guess?….Yes…you are right…My Son.I noticed this behavior of mine recently. I have the act of purposefully taking more napkins than necessary at a fast-food restaurant.I recently attended "Communication Skills Workshop". The presenter started "Effective communication is KISS-Keep It Short and Simple." And the workshop lasted for solid 5 days from 9 AM till 6.30 PM -- no coffee/tea breaks. They could made the duration of the workshop little shorter -- say, 3 weeks.I should have bought power inverter before buying a refrigerator. Half the time, there is no power at home and all that stuff I keep in the refrigerator is rotten and spoilt.I should never take my 4 year old son in a lift/elevator, because he embarrasses me. Recently, i took him into one of the crowded apartment lift, where people were quietly waiting for their floors to arrive. My son, with a loud voice, 'Dad, why everybody is silent, tell me, dad, tell me, why everybody is silent, did you hear me dad? Why eve....'i should not have taught my 3 year old son how to say 'thank you' because he uses it everytime in all possible situations. I say, 'boy, can you please get me a glass of water?' he, 'thank you', my wife, 'son, let us go to supermarket', he, 'thank you', i, 'stop saying thank you for everything and everytime', he, 'thank you' i, 'dont you understand? I said dont thank for everything', he, 'OK, I UNDERSTAND', I, 'thank you', he, 'thank you'I should stop listening to kids. They confuse me. Last evening, my son was talking to one of my neighbors’ daughter(three-year old). He, “Does god exist?”. She, “God only knows whether god exists are not”, He, “True, true”.I should stop my son being too creative as it affects my quality of living. Last evening , he was using my shirt hanger as a bike steering. I say "Son, please return the shirt hanger, I must hang my shirt" he goes "Dad, how is my new bike, drrrrrrr....." Now I hang my shirt on one of the door knobs.I should stop promoting and exaggerating the health benefits of having apples everyday because my 3 year old son thinks that this fruit is THE solution for all health problems. Recently, while having a bad cough, he said, 'dad, bad cough, get me some apples'I start my presentation using SPECTACLE mnemonic: Short stories, Proverbs, Experiences, Current affairs, Theories, Amusing facts, Common expectations, Laughing Jokes, Evaluating questions.I still remember those school days when one of my teachers use to start the class saying "Good Morning students. Those who have not completed the homework, get out of the classroom and kneel down, and students who have done their homework, check the spelling mistakes before submitting the book. One spelling mistake, I will kill you". My question is, "Why, GOOD morning?"I still remember, during school days, I was picked by my school captain to the team only because I was his best friend. I know, my team knows, my captain knows that I was the worst player any cricket team can ever have.I still remember. During school days, i volunteerly raise my hand, to the series of questions teacher ask, and answer them wrong. 20 questions, 20 wrong answers by me. What joy in volunteering?I still remember. During school days, while answering true of false questions, out of guess, I use to tick "True" for nine of the ten questions. And then, start wondering whether any test would ever have that high percentage of Trues.I still remember. In school days, There was an attempt by half the classroom to claim a physics test paper, that scored 94%, but with no name on it. I was one among the class who tried to own this test paper.I still remember. Those days, my dad was very good at repairing electronic appliances. When the radio doesn't work, he used to follow three steps to repair it. Step one, shake it. doesn't work? whack it. still doesn't work? drop it!...lalalala..lalaa.it worked!I stillh rememberL, Dthose daysz whenm I triedt learning,.. typing, my typing teacherrrr correctedjj my paeper n said, "Good, youu yhave an error ratee tthhhat exzceeds yourh typingk speeed"I take a moment to thank everyone who "Like" my updates. It is been 4 years now and I've had some very interesting, exciting moments in facebook. My Heartily thanks to my friends and family.I think even newspapers love shopping. Last evening, this piece of newspaper had stuck on to my shoes all through my one day shopping.I think I am smart, but I am not. Last evening, I parked my friend’s car in a very narrow parking area. I was so happy and proud about my parking skills. After cherishing my achievement, I tried opening the car door to realize that is impossible open it unless I take the car out.I think I should buy a transparent cell phone pouch. For the 3rd time for this month, I brought the empty cell phone pouch to office thinking that there is cell phone in it.I think I'm boring. I had a small party last evening where I made a new friend. I spoke about my school days, college pranks and marriage life. But he was frequently looking around then talking to me, to see if there is anyone more interesting than me.I think kids who live in Coimbatore, India, don’t really need a vehicle to commute. This city is so windy these days all that kids have to do is stand outside their homes and they can fly off to the neighbors’ house.I think my second son (2 year old) believes, "Action speaks louder than words". Recently, both of my sons were heatedly arguing with each other and, at one point, the younger politely walked up to the elder and bit him.I think this is what they call mind-reading. Last evening, at office, in a meeting, my boss asked each of the 20 team members to share a joke. While the jokes were shared, I prepared myself and mentally reserved one joke to use. As usual, I preferred to speak after everyone. Now, 19th person came on stage, proudly presented the joke that I reserved in my mind.I think, this is what is called "Bad" attitude in me. Rice flakes (Indian name: Avul Upuma) is one of the breakfast dishes I hate. Last week, my wife prepared rice flakes and I said, "RICE FLAKES, Impossible, you know that I hate this dish. I am sorry, I don't want to have breakfast at home today. I will have it in office. You know, I get variety of dishes such as Dosa, Idly, Vada etc...so, forget it. I don't need it." and guess what was the breakfast at office that day??....RICE FLAKES!I think, this is what is called information overload. Last evening, I bought a gas lighter. It came with a 20 page instruction manual. 20 PAGES?!! Even without reading the manual I know what to do; press and it goes "TICK"I told an interesting and amusing story to my friend. After the story, he turned towards me said with a curious voice, "Sridhar, I was the person who told the story to you last week". Now I know why my wife gets angry when I forget her birthday.I unknowingly slapped a person on his shoulder thinking that he was my old friend. He turned back and gave me a how-dare-you-that look. I better not touch anybody from now and use my voice instead "Hey, my frien...Oh!..I'm sorry, you resembled my friend"I was reading this “10 tips to build good relationship with your wife” and the fourth tip said “listen to her, people love people who listen, so, listen to her very actively looking into her eyes and acknowledge her views” while I was reading this sentence my wife had been actually yelling at me saying “THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME I'M TELLING YOU TO GO AND BUY SOME MILK FOR OUR KID"I was shopping last evening and I saw this sign that displayed "Visit Again" in front of the shop door. I visited again. You know why? I had forgettably left my keys inside the shop.I was wondering what do I do with my money. And i classified it into: PDISC I protect it, I donate, Invest it, I spend it and I Cut the cost.I was wondering why I scratch my head in order to help me remember something I have forgotten. I mean...why not stomach? or may be the other hand of mine? why only head? Strange human behavior...I was wondering why I scratch my head in order to help myself remember something that I have forgotten. I mean...why not stomach? or may be the neck of mine? why only HEAD? Strange human behavior...I wish I could satisfy some of my 4 year son's imagination. Today morning I was illustrating a dream that I had last night, which I felt would be of my son's interest. I said to my son, "Son, I had a dream last night and I'm sure you will love to hear. I was in a city that had huge colorful toys, delicious chocolates, different variety of cream biscuits. The city was full of joy and kids like you were playing endlessly" He thought for a moment and said, "Did you take a photograph of your dream? Next time if you have such dreams take a photograph and show it to me."I wish I had three hands. Because, my nose itch only when my hands are busy carrying bags of vegetables(righthand) and groceries(lefthand) while shopping in the supermarket.I wish I knew mind reading, especially to read my 3 year old son and his friends’s mind. Last evening, I was watching TV, someone poked me from behind; I turned around, and I saw my son and his other five friends sitting with absolutely no expression on their faces. I wish I knew mind reading.I wish life is as easy as my children think. Last evening my two kids were playing hospital role-play game. My elder son was the doctor and younger the patient. Doctor, "How can I help you?, Patient, "I have pain in my eyes" Doctor, "But, I'm a stomach doctor, I don't know how to treat the eyes". Patient, "Don't worry, you can study how to treat eyes and then treat me, till then I'll be in the waiting room." Doctor, "Thank you, I'll be back in 5 minutes"I woke up little late today. Around 12.45 PM. Still feeling sleepy, brushed my teeth, lazily grabbed the newspaper to see today's star sign predictions. It said "Pisceans(myself) will be extremely lively and active today, loads of fun, energetic day..." ZZZZZ... I've gone back to sleep even before completing to read the sentence.I wonder how dogs maintain the moisture on its nose 24 hours a day.I wonder how to make my mom understand technology. She even answers the recorded messages of my mobile phone service provider. tring-tring, tring-tring! My mom picks the call and the call goes "Hi, get the caller tunes by sending an sms to 2435 with fre..." my mom interrupts, "No, but sridhar is not availab..." and recorded message continues "...or call us to get a free.." my mom "But, listen..."I wonder on what basis my three year old son makes his buying decisions. Recently, I asked him, “What would you like to buy in your first salary when you grow up?” He, “Ambulance! I like that red light that revolves on top of the vehicle”I wonder what they reserve in a reserve bank after giving salaries to billions of people.I wonder whether the attitudes of all humans are like mine. I still remember one of my stress busters before attending any exams during my college days. I go to the examination hall and ask few of my close friends, "Prepared for the exams?", and when they say, "No ways, I didn't even touch the book! I am sure I will not be able to make it", my mind becomes cool and relaxed. And I go, "Thank god, thanks for accompanying me, my friend"I wonder why I behave like this. Today, at office, I got from my seat, walked quickly thinking about something; paused for a moment; turned around and went back to my seat. I have no clue why I did that.I wonder why people blow on the tip of a pencil after sharpening it.I yelled at 5 of my friends who called me while I was reading the book "how to make friends and keep them all through the life"I'd better not help my friends anymore. Today, I was inside the office elevator and one of my friend was approaching to get inside the lift. With an intention of keeping the elevator door open, I pressed the close-the-door button. The door closed even earlier than the usual time it was supposed to take.I'd better safe guard my money until my sons (4-yr and 5-yr old) understand how money transaction happens in reality. Last evening both of my sons were playing selling using toy money. My first son, "How much is this chocolate?", My second son, "5/- (Rupees)" First, "But I've a 10 Rupee Note", Second, "That's OK, tear it into half; 10 will become 5"I'd better safeguard my mobile phone, because, last night, in my dream I saw my 4 year old son dropping my cellphone in a bucket of waterI'd better stop fighting with my wife in front of my kids. They watch us fight as if they are watching Tom and Jerry show--popcorn in hand.I'd better use staircase instead of elevators. Last evening, my office elevator was crowded and I couldn’t move myself an inch. Meanwhile, my mom called and she hates if I don’t pick the call in the first 4 rings and she doesn't listen to excuses. I called her back after getting out of the elevator; she goes “WHY DIDN'T YOU PICK THE CALL? GOT STUCK IN THE ELEVATOR AGAIN?” as if she is going believe me if i say "Yes".If I get a chance to talk to Barack Obama, the first question I would ask him is "What do you think about Sridhar Chandrasekaran?"If I get a chance to talk to Barack Obama, the first question I would ask him is "What do you think about Sridhar?"If population cannot be controlled at least they should increase the size of elevators. So saffocating :::{}if they also allow us to bring these items inside the office. ImagineI'm becoming very bold now-a-days. I had a dream yesterday in which a gigantic dinosaur(carnivore) stood right in front of me showing its sharp claws, roaring at my face with those big teeth. gggrrrrrh. I said "go ahead, eat me if you want. I know it is a dream"I'm excited to tell you that my blog as been published in one of the training and development website. They have included my mnemonics and have given a short introduction about myself and my blogI'm feverish today but the thermometer is refusing to show it.I'm going to return all the questions of my 4 year old son to himself when he grows up and see how he manages to answer these type of questions. Last evening, "Dad, will you buy me fish and chicken to eat because my friends suggested it is tasty and delicious?", I, "Son, we are vegetarians; fish and chicken are non-vegetarian food", He, "That's ok. buy vegetarian fish and vegetarian chicken"I'm happy that my 8 year old kid is good at geography, it's just that he is learning it inside out. Last week, in a family together, I was getting introduced to a person, I, "Hello, nice to meet you", he, "Nice to meet you too", I, "May I know where are you from?" He, "From Bangalore". As I was brought up in Bangalore, I was curious to know more specifically. I, "Which location in Bangalore?". Meanwhile, my son who was listening to this conversation interrupts, "In Karnataka, obviously"In my office, the only one who always listen to me is the coffee machine. Always. no questions asked. latte? there he goes.In spite of technological advancements, One thing about Televisions never changed for the past 20 years; The amount of time it takes for the picture to appear once the set has been turned on. Both, the old TV and the new one takes the same time--20 seconds.Inventors should do something about sandals and slippers. Last evening, this small stone got stuck between my foot and the slipper. I tried to remove it by kicking, walking on one leg, adjusting my feet etc…nothing worked. Finally, I removed the slipper and the stone fell. And, this always happens when I’m really in a hurry.Is being a kid such a shame? Last week, in my office, there are an event in which you could bring your child to office. Excitingly, I shared this news with my 2 sons, (4 yr and 5 yr old), "Hey, today, I can take kids to office. Sons, would you like to join?". My first son with an elderly tone, "Dad, I'm not a kid anymore. I'm 5 yrs old. You can take my brother. He is still a kid". And, I turned towards my second son and he started crying, "I'm not a KID. How dare he calls me a KID. I'm not a KID"Is it weak or week? I always go wrong. Now, I've a technique to remember it. on weekends I will be all happy and cheerful, showing my teeth eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, week.It is difficult to make my 3 year old son understand the difference between toys and real instruments. Previously, I had warned him saying, "Kids should not touch instruments like knives and scissors". Recently, I bought him toy-doctor-set, which contained toy scissors and toy knives as a part of the set(along with stethoscope and thermometers). He religiously returned it saying, "Dad, kids should not touch instruments like knives and scissors"It is quite easy to communicate with my mother. She puts a question to me and answers it herself. My mom goes "Sridhar, why are you late? It's 11.30pm" and I go "mom, I was..." she goes "I know what you are going to say 'mom, I was having an important meeting''' I go "No mom, what I want to say is..." she goes "shut up your mouth and tell me why you are late & I know what you know want to say..."It is time to teach my 4 year old son the name of the place where we live. Recently, we were traveling in a public transport bus. The bus conductor asked my son, "Ticket, where do to want to go?", He, "To my home" Bus Conductor, "WHERE IS YOUR HOME?" He, "Next to my friend's house, Avinash"It seems that people are very happy these days. I had been to a second hand book shop last evening and this book titled "How to lead a happy life" was lying in a corner, all dusted and cobwebbed. I asked the shopkeeper why is it so and she said "Nobody asks for that book". I feel, though it is a bad sign for the shopkeeper's business; it is a good sign for the rest of the world"Kids can understand kids' language. Last evening my two sons (first son is 2 year old; second son is 8 month old) spoke to each other. First son: blarnna? blarrrana? Second son: umgje! First son: Oyuuebjjd!, oykkiollaiek, blarna or blarnaaa? Second son: Umgje. First son gets some water from the kitchen, offers it to my second son. First son:pooekillsi? Second son: umgje. Both of them exchanged a smileKids deserve to be kids but they should be fair at least once in a while. Every time when I play character games such as superman, spiderman, batman with my sons I have been given the villain roles. They always go, "Dad, you be the villain and I will be the superman"Last evening my mom was having a telephone conversation: “Yeah…no…never…ho..w..stupid…no..nsense…are you nuts?...I can’t…I said, I can’t…I don’t care…” guess with whom she was talking to? Yes…with my wife.Last evening my telephone dairy fell into a small unreachable hole inside my bookshelf. It is really a frustrating experience to see something right in front of your eyes but unable to reach it or grab it. I wish, god could have given the option of reshaping my fingers into a needle like hook to reach the telephone book.Last evening, my son was playing an expensive game. After observing my riding the bike, filling the gas(petrol) at the gas stations, he, now, takes his tricyle, zoom it around the house--vroom--stops it at the kitchen entrance(gas station), opens an imaginary petrol tank and, using a broken pipe, he pretends to fill the petrol. With hiking petrol prices, I suggested him to change the game.Last night I dreamed winning a jackpot of Rs 10/-. Recession even in the world of dream.Last night, I slept facing right because of which the hair on right side of my face is sticking out like that of an old used paint brush. I tried shampooing my hair, combing it hard, no use!Last night, there was a power shut-down. The torchlight that I have always works perfectly fine until the power shuts-off. I shook the torch light, it blinked for a milli-second, then I hit it against the wall, now, even the blinking stopped. I reload the batteries. But, by then the power was up already and even the torchlight was working fine. Next time, I'd better buy a torchlight that works specially during power shut-DOWNLast week, it was T words, this week it is K words. 5K reminds what to take before going to office. In fact, I ensure to recall all the 5 K words before I go to office everyday. Kard, Key, Kerchief, Kash, Kalling(:) Phone. A short article on kword mnemonic for this week.Life has changed. My kids are not like I use to be. When I was a kid, the first word I uttered was, “Mummy”. But, recently, my kid said his first word, “Hello”. Perhaps, he saw either me or my wife were on the cell phone most of the time. My wife and I should stop talking over the cellphone in front the kid before he catches up the rest of the phrase; “Hello, why the hell did you call?”Life is a boomarang, whaterever I say comes back to me. Last week, there was a power cut when my 5 year old son was watching one of his favorite programs in cartoon network. He was upset and I, like a saint, advised him, "Relax son, life is like that. cool down! learn to accept hurdles. Cheerup my boy!" and yesterday, he accidentally spilled coffee on my white shirt and I was about to let my frustration out, "YOU...." and he interrupts, "Relax Dad, life is like that. cool down! learn to accept hurdles. Cheerup my dad!"Life is not fair sometimes. I heard, top brands produce high quality products with less quality errors. They say "Out of 10 million products that we manufacture only 1 product will be of bad quality or defect". True! but it so happens that that one defective product always land up into my hand whenever I buy these top brands.Life is way too contradicting between myself and my 3 year old son. Recently, the office , where I work, came up with brand new vision for the organization and they distributed t-shirts, pamphlets and goodies to all of us saying, "Be smarter, accomplish new goals, reach new heights, strive achieving new vision..." etc. On the other hand, the school, where my son studies, insists all the kindergarten students to compulsorily go to sleep during school hours, on their study desks, for at least one and a half hours everyday. In fact this sleeping exercise is part of their school syllabus. I wonder who is lucky! Me or my son!Like dog, god could have created tail for humans too. I believe, our communication becomes more clear with a tail. Imagine this: When my boss says "You will go onsite soon", my tail goes happily toyn..toyn..toyn...toyn...When by boss says "You will have to work little longer today" my tail goes down....doyyyynnnn:( and my boss would understand that I hate working long hours.Many times, I walk into one of the rooms; kitchen, bedroom, or living room and wonder for what I came in here for. And then I realize that I'm in the wrong room. Is this because that I'm married or because I'm a father or because...(I'm sorry, what was I saying?...)Marriages are made in heaven. why don't these couples also make kids in heaven itself so that the earth is saved from over population? I shouldn't be talking about it, though.Mary Joysmart boy he will find a girl for himself u dont worryMaterial of this week's "Put to Another Use" contest : Disposable Plastic Water Bottle: Anybody can suggest how to reuse--or put to another use--an used mineral water bottle. The more "likes", the winner. Contest ends by 1st May 2011Mobile phone service providers are the kindest of all. When I dial my own cell number, they say "please, try again after some time" and never say "you stupid, you have dialed your own number. Have you gone nuts? lost your brain...?..fool...?Movie theaters should spend some extra money to buy chairs that have broader armrests. Last week, I and my wife were struggling, maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.My 2 year old son should understand that I am not God. Last evening, around 6.30pm, Pointing towards the sunset he asked, "Dad, what is that?", I, "It is Sun, it sets now, and it will rise tomorrow morning", He, "Ask Sun not to set because I'm playing now", I, "That is impossible, Son", He started crying and he didn't talk to me the whole night.My 3 year old son doesn't really understand "Happy Birthday". Yesterday I celebrated my birthday. I woke up, My mom said, "Happy birthday", My wife, "Happy birthday", My brother, "Happy birthday", My son hurriedly, "I also want one Happy Birthday", "One for me and for my brother". He thought "happy birthday" is a candy or an ice-cream or a chocolateMy 3 year old son has invented a new game last evening. He picks stuff from the refrigerator by opening and closing the refrigerator door but before the automatic light comes on.My 3 year old son imitates almost everything that he hears. Imitation is fine but that should'nt disturb anyone. Last evening, he was imitating the sound of my motor bike louder than the actual sound. I took him for a ride; started the bike, “Drrr”, he goes, “DDDDRRRRRR”, we rode on the main road; stopped at a traffic signal. My bike, “dubudubudubu”, my son with a loud voice, “DDDDDUUUUUBBBUUUDUUBBUU”, I knew 3 people got annoyed at the traffic signal because of my son.My 3 year old son is performing worse in his preschool than I do at my work. Recently, his teacher asked, "What is your father's name?", He, "My father's name is 'Dad", Teacher, "What is your mother's name?", He, "My mother's name is 'Mom'"My 3 year old son takes full advantage when people give him preferences or choices. My son has been suffering from fever for the last few days. Last evening, our family doctor examined him and found that the temperature was high. In a kind and friendly tone, the doctor asked, “Boy, you seem to have a high temperature, which one do you prefer? an injection or a syrup?”. He, “A syrup! and ensure that it is sweet, because the syrup that you gave last time was bitter.”My 3 year old son thinks a daddy has the ability to do anything. Last evening, he had hiccups and says to me, "Dad, ask..uhp...hiccups to stop. It...uhp..is annoying" In fact, he was pointing hands to himself and was talking to hiccups, "Hiccups, stop it...uhp... else I will tell my dad...uhp"My 3 year old son's clarity about the words "Breakfast, lunch and dinner" made me embarrassed. I defined my son, "You have to have a light breakfast, heavy lunch and mild dinner". Last week we were having dinner with one of my close relatives and my relative was actually hungry and had ordered a heavy dinner. My son said, "Dad, I think he(my relative) is having lunch, not dinner"My 3 year son should understand that there is something called coincidence. Recently, I was yelling at him for one of his bad behaviors; meanwhile, I was also helping him wear his new shirt that has a zipper instead of shirt buttons. While yelling at him, I pulled the zipper and his skin got trapped and wounded. He assumes that I did it intentionally to hurt him. Now, He hates me thinking that I punished him.My 4 year old son is upset with me. Last evening, while glacing through my marriage photo album, he realized that he is not in it, he said, "Dad, I am upset because you never invited me for your marriage". I said, "Don't worry, I will invite you next time when I get married." He, "Do that, otherwise I will never talk to you"My 5 old son watching movies is posing a new problem to me these days. Last week he watched a movie in which the hero dies and yesterday he watched another movie that has the same hero. Confusingly he asked me, "Dad, this hero was dead last week but how is he alive now, in this movie?"My employer,Bosch, gave 40,000/- worth giftvoucherMy first son(two year old) doesn’t obey what I say but my objectives are met anyways. Last evening, I said “Say 'A'”, He goes, “I will NOT say 'A'”, I go, “Ok, don’t say 'A', but can you say 'B'?”, He goes, “I will NOT say B”, I go, “How about C, will you say 'C'?” He goes, “NEVER will I say C”My four year old son has learnt a new art of asking chocolates when we go to supermarket. Recently, in the supermarket, while we were walking across the chocolate section, he said, 'Dad, I will be a good boy, I will never cry or scream in front of your friends and relatives' I said, 'Ok'. He, 'I will also ensure that I will keep my stuff clean and tidy', I, 'Good boy', He, 'And then, I will never hit my brother, I know that I have to take care of him', I, 'Which chocolate do you want?', He, 'Cadbury Dairymilk'My friend is jealous of my old 1995 model cell phone though he has a brand new apple Iphone. I can make calls from my old cellphone but he can't with his new cellphone as he stays in a hill station & there is hardly any network coverage. Now, he is using apple iphone for everything from listening music to watching movies except making calls. Apple Iphone in a networkless hill station, IMAGINE!My friend wants to lose weight. He had a small apple in the morning. He was so proud about it and celebrated his achievement by having a massive three course heavy meal in the afternoon.My guesses failed. Today, being the earliest person to arrive at office, I had to select one among 20 switches to identify the tubelight of my cubicle. I thought of taking a guess. Switched on the middle of 20 switches; not the right guess; tried last left row first switch; wrong guess again. After many guesses I realized that my 20th guess was the right guess.My hannds are shiverring due to exxtreeme colddd AC tempeerature hereee at my office. That is whhhy I'm shiverrrinng and typpping allpphabet more than reqquired. I typed gooooooogle.cooom instead of goooogle.comMy mom gets a call and she responds, "HELLO...tell me...no...impossible...I don't agree...it is your headache...how stupid...but...I will tell you why it won't work...hello...hello...are you there?" Guess with whom she was talking to? Yes, your are right! Her daughter-in-lawMy mom is very kind. She even answers the recorded messages of my mobile phone service provider. tring-tring, tring-tring! My mom picks the call and the call goes "Hi, get the caller tunes by sending an sms to 2435 with fre..." my mom interrupts "no, but sridhar is not.." and recorded message goes "...or call us to get a free.." my mom "but, listen..."My mom keeps cleaning the house and she always wants it neat, clean and organized, but she should understand the seriousness when things are placed at wrong places. Last evening, while cleaning the house, she kept a mosquito killer spray next to my body spray. I was about to use the mosquito killer spray instead of the body spray.My mom was watching cooking recipes in one of those TV channels. It lasted for 2 hours. and then? as usual we went to the nearest restuarant for dinner.My mother is against violence. And she expects me, as a son, to be that way. She politely says to me "I will kill you if you watch violent movies". How kind!My office food is tasty but should I eat it or not is my question. My office provides good food, variety of dishes. But on each dish the calorific value is provided. So, what they mean to say is, “It IS a tasty food, but WATCH OUT, you might put on WEIGHT”My office printer is more like my mom and wife, especially when there is an issue. Like my mom and wife, it starts giving too many instructions during a disaster. Last evening, a paper got jammed in the printer and you should've seen the printer’s attitude, “OPEN the FRONT PANEL”, “ROTATE THE RED SWITCH”, “PULL THE PAPER”, “CLEAN THE LENS”, I mean, why should "I" clean the lens when the PRINTER has problems. So rude!My predicting of my wife's feelings and emotions are worse than meteorologists predicting the weather forecast. They say it will rain tomorrow, and that is when the sun rises early morning 5 AM, shines as brightly as possible and sets unwillingly at 10 pm.My second son, 1.5 year old, has learned to walk but taking turns is still a rocket science for him. He walks until there is no obstacle in his path—usually wall—and then starts crying, which means someone has to pick him and drop him in an obstacle-free path so that he can walk further. And, mostly, that “someone” happens to me. So, now, I have a new pick-drop task in addition.My shoelaces know how to behave especially when I’m late to office. On each shoe, the left side of the lace will be longer than the right. I try adjusting it to the right to proportionate it, but now the right side is longer than the left. I try pulling a little more to the left and now the left is longer, Ok, now, I try pulling more on rig…this happens until I miss the last office bus.My son (Sushrith) stops crying when I cry louder and harder than him. I don't know whether this is some kind of law of physics or one of the postulates of Rocket science, but it works. He goes "umhn:(uuuuuuumhnnnn:(((((" then, I go "uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmhhn:(uummmhhhhn:(:((". He stares at me for a moment and goes back to what he was doing(play)My son relates every incident to his own life. I was upset about the petrol price hike and he says, "I think now you are able to understand how bad I feel when you don't buy me chocolates."My son repeats what I say and I repeat what my wife say. Recently, I, “Hey”. He, “Hey”. I, “Come here”. He, “Come here”. I, “Stop repeating what I say”. He, “Stop repeating what I say”. I, "I said stop it", He, "I said stop it". Meanwhile, my wife entered reading newspaper, “Petrol price hike again”, I, “PETROL PRICE HIKE AGAIN?”.My son saves lot of my energy. He knows exact words and phrases I use when he does a mistake and he says those words and phrases to himself on my behalf. Last evening, he spilt a cup of milk; I looked at him and he continued with a harsh tone to himself, “HOW MANY TIMES DID I TELL YOU TO BE CAREFUL. LOOK, WHAT YOU HAVE DONE. WILL YOU PLEASE BEHAVE YOURSELF?” then, turned towards me and said, “Isn’t it dad?”My son thinks he is hygienic but he is not. Last evening, he dropped candy on the floor and sterilized it by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will remove all the germs.My son(sushrith) is growing up. He has started asking questions, "what is this? why is it like this? who does what?" . But he must understand that I'm not smart. I'm not intelligent. In fact, if I were smart, he wouldn't have been born in the first place.My three year old son doesn’t seem to understand the concept of marriage. He thinks marriage is all about getting gifts. Recently, we had been to a marriage and he saw the couples getting big boxes of gifts. He turned towards me and said, “Dad, shall we get married? After marriage give all toy gifts to me”My today's facebook comment has already been chosen as a staffpick in dailycomedy.comMy Top Profile Viewers are:My two sons have become more civilized after watching a crime movie recently. my first son, holding an imaginary hand gun behind me, "Dad, hands up, don't move, otherwise....eehaha...I am going to kill you", meanwhile, his brother standing behind him, "Brother, hands up, you don't move and leave my Dad, otherwise...eehaha..I am going to kill YOU"My wife and I share one thing in common. Neither of us listen to each other when we speak. Ours is an arranged marriage and horoscopes do work.My wife and I were shopping and she saw this expensive trouser with a small print written on the sides of inside pockets. Do not tumble dry, do not bleach, do not dry clean, handle with care. She said "If 'do not wash' restriction were printed on it, I would have recommended you to buy this trouser'"My wife and I will be leading a very happy life until September 4th 2010. After that? We will meet.My wife and two children share one thing in common--the habit of rolling all over the house while sleeping. last night, me, my wife and 2 children slept together. Today morning I saw my first son lying perpendicular to me resting his one leg on my face, my second son rolled off the bed to the left side corner of the bedroom. My wife? well, I couldn't see her because she rolled herself all the way to the kitchen.My wife is very influential sometimes. She hums music and I end up humming the same melody though I hate the tune. And then I stop myself and ask, “Wait a minute, by the way…why am I humming this song that I hate?”My younger brother, Shiva Kumar, is blessed with a baby girl:)My younger son(1.5 yr old) seems to be bolder than my elder son(3 yr old). Last Evening, my elder son was shouting out of fear, "Dad, cockroach, dad, cockroach, right there, behind that TV table....mom, are you there?....are there someone out there to help?...". Even before I arrived at the spot, my younger son, casually, pulled the cockroach, holding its antenna, threw it off the road". To be quite frank, even I can't do that.Next time I must be careful when I attend office parties, especially those parties that play loud music. Last evening I was caught talking at the top of lungs when the music at the party suddenly stopped.Next time I’d better not take coffee just before I leave to the office. Today morning, I burnt my tongue when I tried taking coffee in hurry as I was late to the office. What a burning day!Next time, I’d better complete any task I take up. Today morning, I was polishing one of my pair of shoes, meanwhile my son was crying. Consoling my child I forgot to polish the other pair of the shoes. At last, I’m left with a pair of shoes, one polished and one dirty, and had no time to polish the other as my office bus had already arrived.Next time, I'd better not invite my friends home when my 4 year old son is around. Recently, I had invited one of friends and he was astonished looking at my book shelf. He said, "Sridhar, you have a great collection of books". Even before I could respond to his appreciation, my son interrupted, "But he never reads any of those books".Next time, when you take your kids to watch movies, choose movies of their interest. Yesterday, for the first time, I took my kids to a movie theater. After the movie started, of about 20 minutes, I asked them how do they like it and I was expecting a positive response, but my son, "Dad, the movie is boring, please change the channel"Nice profile picture. very relevant to fatherhood:). As a father of two sons, I'm using SQIL mnemonic to enhance my communication with my kids. Enjoy SQIL mnemonic to better parenting. It stands for silence,question,inform,listen. Written with a very lighthearted tone.http://www.squidoo.com/communication-skills-humorNo doubt technology is reaching new heights. But inventors can spend little more time and enhance the telephone auto-response system. When I dial a wrong number I would be happy to hear "You have dialed a wrong number, let me dial the right number for you" instead of just saying "you have dialed a wrong number"Now I know how to wake up my 2-year old son. Today morning, I, "Son, wake up, it is time to go to school", He, "ZZZZ...ZZZ", I, "Your teacher will not allow you inside if you are late to school", He, "ZZZZZ....ZZZZ", I, "Don't you aspire toOfflate my office printer has become too talkative. To print a simple word document, it says, 'No paper in tray 1, pls load any of the trays and press ok', I, 'ok', Printer, 'The paper size not matching, would you like to fix it', I, 'Yes', printer, 'Pls enter password' I, 'Enter', printer, 'Would you like to save the pswd' I, 'No' printer, 'In the future you'll be able to log in automatically, press ok to confirm' I 'Forget it, I don't need any print, I'd rather write the entire document by hand'On a Saturday, even water in the water tap is lazy. Today morning while I was brushing my teeth(yes, I too have that habit) , I was observing this water droplet and it took 79 lazy seconds to drop. pppppppppppppppppp....pppongch! Viscosity?One of my articles has been accepted and published in Ezinearticles.com. I also earned expert author status.One of my friend has this amazing skill of Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.One of my parenting secret is out last night. My two sons are afraid of cats. So, usually, in the night, when my sons doesn't go to sleep, I secretly, "meow", and they think the cat is around, hurriedly go to bed. But last night when I "meow", my first son saw my lip movement. The secret is out. Now, I don,t know how to make them go to sleep from today.Only after sometime I realize that my 3 year old son seemingly to be helping while really making things more worse. Last evening, he was helping me in organizing my bookshelf by opening each book and tearing the first page. I asked him, "What are you doing", he said, “I’m helping you dad”Only god knows why I achieve this strange, odd, impossible facial expression only when a passport photograph is taken.Passwords really work.Last evening, my computer insisted me to change the password for security reasons. It said "the password must be alphanumeric with atleast one capital letter,minimum 14 words,should not repeat previous passwords...(another 40 conditions). Today, I was not able to log in to my computer as I forgot the password myself.People should walk the talk. Recently I had been to one of the well maintained hill stations. All through my travel along the hill side, I noticed many sign boards such as “Do not spit”, “Keep the hill station clean”, “Do not litter”, “Do not smoke” and so on. I saw this sign that said “Do not write on rocks” which has been written on one of the rocks of the hill.Playing with kids backfires. Last evening, I thought I will scare my kid. So, I wore a mask, slowly tip-toed towards him and said “baaaaaaahhhhuuu”, the way he SHOUTED, I got scared. Because of that, I am feverish today; He is cheerfully playing with his toys.Pratheep ChantherLet him enjoy the childhood. You shall become his friend in his teenage . You shall help him to select a life partner .:-) cheers.predicting whether to begin a journey during a heavy rain is rocketscience. It was raining last evening; I was waiting under one of the shop’s entrance stretching my hand every few minutes to check whether the rain as subsided. At one point, I decided to start my journey as I was sure that I will not drench myself with those last bits of little rain droplets; Halfway I realized I was soaked into bathe. Wrong guess!Public should understand that I am NOT responsible for everything what my 3 year old son does. Last evening, while walking on a busy street, an ambulance passed by, “iiiiiiiyyymmmm, iiiiiiyyyyymmm, iiiiiiiyyyyyymmmm”, and after its departure, my son goes, loudly, “iiiiiiiyyymmmm, iiiiiiyyyyymmm, iiiiiiiyyyyyymmmm” and three people on the street turned and starred at me.Questions that make you think: You, your mom and your wife--or sister for people who are not married yet--are on vacation together, hiking in a remote jungle. Your two companions stumble into a nest of poisonous vipers and are bitten repeatedly. You know neither will live without an immediate shot of anti-venom, yet there is only a single dose of anti-venom and it is in your pocket. What would you do?Recently, my 4 year old son called while I was in a meeting, so i said, 'Sorry son I'm in a meeting, I will call u back' after few minutes I called and he hung the call saying, 'Sorry dad, I'm at home, I will call u back'Research says that humans have about 60,000 thoughts per day, 59,998 of which they've thought previously. I never thought about it. So, i have one more new thought left for today.Setting alarm is still a rocket science for me. Last night, I religiously set an alarm to wake me up at 6 o clock in the morning but no response. Later I realized that I set it for 6pm and not 6am. I said to myself "Never mind, it will still wake you up while you are in office at 6pm" (AM, PM, too confusing..?)Since childhood I have been noticing this behavior of mine. While watching TV, I watch these repeated ads that are annoying but I find myself unable to stop watching them.since morning I have this sneeze which tickles but never comes.... ! Not ....aaaaa.... abaaaaale.. to....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....to talk.Since my childhood I have this problem whenever I go to cinema theaters. There will be one person in front of me at movies who, no matter which direction I lean in, will follow me and I end up watching his/her head rather than enjoying the movie.Since my childhood I have this problem whenever I go to cinema theatres. There will be one person in front of me at movies who, no matter what direction I lean in, will follow me and I end up watching his/her head rather than enjoying the movie.Slow and steady wins the race. We all know the tortoise and the rabbit story. But today morning I discovered that the tortoise's life span is 255 years. With such a long life span it can win the race by standing still waiting for the rabbit's natural death.Some people are extremely patient. last night, I thought I called my close friend, spoke to him for 25 minutes after which a kind voice spoke from the other end of the phone saying "sir, I'm sorry, I think you've got the wrong number"Some people make me very curious. I saw this man who was loafing about near pedestrian crossing looking as if he's about to cross the road but never did. What a suspense!Some routine habits are hard to break. I routinely take office bus to commute to work. But, yesterday, I took my bike instead of office bus, as I was late to office. While leaving office, I happily took the office bus as per the routine leaving my bike in the office.Somedays, after returning from my busy work, i realize that i have done nothing of relevance, good or bad.Somedays, I am in a mood of irrational happiness with everyone and everything. Yesterday I wife said, “You are lazy”, I: “haha..you are so funny”. My son(two-year old), “Dad, I want another toy car, I broke the one that you bought just now” I: “How sweet”. My manager, “No hike this year” I: “That is fine, I can wait for another 20 years”Somehow I must keep my son busy because he wastes his time noticing unimportant things. Last evening, he was jobless, came to me and said, "Dad, my teeth is whiter than your teeth...see....eeeeeeee".Sometimes appetizers are tastier than the main course menu. Last evening I had so much of tomato soup and bread that I was not able to eat anything after that. I think restaurants should make appetizers less tasty.Sometimes I feel my neighbors are too active. All the loud plumbing work and unexpected nail hammering noises starts from early morning 3 A.M. And by 7 A.M, they calmly settle down with religious prayers and solving Sudoku. How planned they are when it comes to prioritizing the tasks!Sometimes I make wrong buying decisions. Five years back, I bought a multipurpose toolkit; beautifully arranged different sized spanners and screwdrivers. Till today, I have not used it even for a single purpose.Sometimes it is difficult to guess the moves of pedestrians on street. Last evening, i was walking down the street and was about to collide against the opposite pedestrian. We both stopped for a moment. I moved right, he too moved right, i moved left, he too moved left. For a moment i was confused, then decided not to move. Guess what the pedestrian decide? Not to moveSometimes it is difficult to understand my 3 year old son’s intentions. Recently, we were traveling by train and he insisted to sit near the window. I thought, he preferred it because he liked to watch scenery and landscapes. After I offered him the window seat, he was fast asleep all through the journey.Sometimes it is little difficult to guess what kids want. My mom bought a brand new toy car for my first son (two-year old)—packed with a stylish card board box. After few minutes we saw him playing with the card board box rather than the toy car. I think, I should suggest my friends and family members to buy him cardboard boxes instead of toys if they plan to gift him something.Sometimes life is like that. Today morning, it was raining heavily but not even a single drop of water in the overhead tank as there was a 10-hour power shutdown in my area.Sometimes sharing a good news involves risk. Last week, during a fight, my younger son, with his nails, scuffed and left a scar on the face of my elder son. Yesterday, my elder son noticed that the scar has disappeared. Excitingly, he shared this good news with his brother, "Bro, look, the scar that you left last week has healed and disappeared." The brother noticed it and scuffed him again and brought back the scar.Sometimes, fighting with wife brings positive side effects. I have this habit of staying in office for longer hours whenever I fight with my wife so that unnecessary arguments are avoided. Recently, after a fight, I stayed in office for longer than the usual worktime. Incidentally, my manager noticed me working long hours and said, "Good, you seem to put to lot of hard work these days, keep up the good work". I hope he doesn't come to know the real scene behind.Sometimes, I don't understand the behavior of my own mind and body. Today morning, I was not feeling well, I had a sense of tiredness and headache, my mind was talking to me, "I don't think you'll be able to go to work today, call your manager and apply for leave". So I called and manager and the leave was granted. The moment I came to know the leave was granted, I felt great, energy boosted, headache subsided and I could hear my mind saying, "Yaaaahoooo, no office, enjoy, enjoy"Sometimes, I lose the real message while admiring my son's cuteness. Last evening, pointing hands towards my shirt, my 3 year old son, with a fearful face, said, "lizze, lizzee", I was thinking to myself, "How cute, he has learnt another new word, lizze, see his cute fearful face, I wonder how god creates such beautiful expressions on kids. By the way what does this 'lizze' really mean?" Slowly, I turned towards my shirt where he was pointing, right below the collar, "eeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkks, lizard!!!!!!!" I almost fainted.Sometimes, I mistakenly assume that other people find the pranks of my kids as entertaining as I do. By seeing my children's pranks I say to myself, “How cute” but recently, my neighbor complained, “Yours kids are CRAZY, I say, your first son spoilt all my show plants, and your second son screams so loud that I feel like jumping out from top of a 20-floor building. Will you ask them to STOP all these NON-SENSE”Sometimes, In life, some people give back our words and deeds that we say and do to them, AS IT IS, almost immediately. Last week, my 3 year old son, “Dad, would you like to join with me in the cricket match”. I, “I’m sorry son, I’m busy with my office work, do not disturb me, please!”. Last evening, I was shuffling through the TV Channels and I came across my son’s favorite cartoon program Tom and Jerry. I excitedly said, “Son, check out, TOM and JERRY, your favorite show”. He, “I’m sorry dad, I’m busy with school homework, do not disturb me, Please!”Sometimes, it is really hard to attract the waiters' attention in a Restaurant. Last week, I unsuccessfully moved my forefingers and eyebrows to catch the waiter's attention. No response. I raised my arms. Still no response. I got up, moved towards the waiter, he looked at me and said "Don't block the way, please, it will cause inconvenience to the customers". I said "Oh, I'm sorry"Sometimes, life becomes too confusing even when making small unimportant decisions. I had to buy a new toothbrush last evening but had this psychological block when I had choose the color of the new toothbrush. There were 5 colors of tooth brushes: red, green, yellow, orange and white. Then, I had to invent an illogical logic. White teeth; white color tooth brush.Sometimes, my mom gets so involved in TV programs that she feels part of it. recently, she was talking to the television informing the screen character of awaiting danger under the assumption that the character can hear her. She said, “Turn around, turn around, that guy is going to hit you with an iron rod”Sometimes, my son's ideas about handling electricity crisis make sense. I live in a city where the daily power-cut may extend upto 17 hrs. Recently, we had been to a supermarket. My son, "Dad, there is no power-cut in the supermarket?" I, "Yeah, supermarkets will always have power", He, "Can I bring my toys and play here. You come and pick me up when there is power at home"Sometimes, the behavior of science and technology is odd. Last evening, the television reception actually got affected when I moved about the room. While watching a TV channel, I got up; TV reception stopped; brooshhhh….; I sat back; reception started again; I got up; brooshhhh…;Sometimes, time is spent on trivial but unavoidable things. Last evening, I dropped a CD on the floor and it took four minutes to pick it up. I tried several methods to pick it such as use my nails, blow it, drag the CD along the corner…Spending years of life on education, Many times, I felt, none of my school & college degree certificates are of any use to me. But now, I found a necessity. I could fold the certificates and keep it under a wobbly (shaky) table or chair.Sridhar ChandrasekaranI was shopping last evening and I saw this sign that displayed "Visit Again" in front of the shop door. I visited again. You know why? I had forgettably left my keys inside the shop.Stay safe out there! A mnemonic to remember http://scootersport.wordpress.com/2012/08/29/stay-safe-out-there/study hard, come up in life?", he, "ZZZZZZZZZZZ", I, "Ok, I am going shopping to buy chocolates and toy cars for your brother. Which color of toy car do you prefer, red, or yellow?", He, "Yellow, with remote and I want two cars"Survey says, "Young people laugh more often than old people"....hahahahahaha..... what a joke! so funny!. I liked it! LOL!..............................Good Heavens! I'm on safer Side!Thanks to all my friends and family members who wished "Happy Birthday" to me yesterday. And for people who haven't wished me "Happy Birthday" yesterday, I've something to tell you, "Yesterday, was my birthday"...o...ok...ok...I..I...unde...understand...you..fo...forgot to wish ...tha...busy...that's..fine...thanks.Thanks to the digital age. I've forgotten to scribble my signature. I'm not able to produce the similar signature that I'd signed on my driving license 8 years ago. I tried at least 20 times to produce it but all that I got was 20 signatures that are identically nonidentical.The new inventions are sometimes confusing. this electrical switch that i have at home appears to be off in both positions.The only girl who is always friendly with me is the one who guides me in the elevator. she is always kind enough to say "first floor", "third floor", "ground floor". And the best part is, my wife can't stop her by saying "stop talking to my husband"There are certain things in life that are beyond human possibilities. Last evening I was watching my marriage ceremony recorded video. No matter how much I rewind, it stops right on the day of the marriage.There are many truths in life which should not be said or spoken about. One such truth is “There are many truths in life which should not be said or spoken about.”There are so many telephone numbers in my address book which I've never called for the past 145 years. I have no clue why it is still floating around. I know I am not going call these people, I know that they are not going to call me (In fact, I wonder if they are still alive), But I'm hesitant to throw these telephone numbers. I don't know for what joy I'm still preserving it.There is one mosquito in my bedroom that has mastered the skill of being alive. Mosquito repellents, coils, mats…nothing works. I think it is going to celebrate its 3rd year (I have been staying in this house for 3 years now) birthday anniversary in the coming month.There is something seriously wrong with our Indian time zone -- I'm late to office again. It is running faster than other countries. I could have slept little longer if were in Australia today. US is even better. I would have got extra 11 hours or so.These days, I have a new challenge with my 5 year old son: clarifying him on what part of the day it is. My son sleeps twice. Once in the night and another 2 hour nap in the afternoon. But everytime he wakes up he has a confusion whether it is morning or evening. So, whenever he gets up he asks, "Dad, is it morning or evening?"These days, kids get attracted to unconventional professions. Last evening, while I was chatting with my 4 year old son, I asked him what does he like to become when he grows up. He thought for a while and responded, "I'd like to become an ambulance driver because you can zoom into the traffic and everybody will give way to you. It is like playing a video game"These days, red ants(also called fire ants) have become choosy when they bite humans' body parts. Last night, this ant has bitten me between the two little lines which come down from my nose. Today, my lips are swollen and people can hardly recognize me. Even the security at the entrance gate was suspicious to let me inside the office where I work.This author has written a book titled "How Humor Works and Why People Laugh" but in a serious manner.This author is demotivated as his recent book "How to stay motivated in life" didn't sell much.This happens to me even at familiar places such as my home or grocery stores. Sometimes, I take an invisible extra step at the top and bottom of staircases. Usually when I’m carrying a large bag of groceries.This hotel spends thousands of money on drinking water purification to supply the purest water. Ozonised, deionized, double distilled, chlorine free, 100% free from bacteria, blah, blah,blah but forgets to wash the glasses in which the water is served. germs and bacteria compensated.This is what you find in a family man’s bag. I have only one bag, which I use for both personal and official purposes. Today, I was embarrassed because during the regular security check, diapers, kids’ toys, a pair of kids’ sandals, and two baby feeding bottles was found in my bag before entering the office. Now, my office security guards know were I had been with my family last evening.Though I hate TV commercials and ads, sometimes it helps me in parenting, especially while handling my son screaming his throat out loud and crying. Recently, I tried all methods to console my 4 year old crying son. Meanwhile, on TV, he spotted one of his favorite advertisements. He stopped crying, watched his favorite commercial, which lasted for 16 seconds, and then continued his crying.Though I studied in English medium, there are so many interesting rules that I am yet to learn. Recently, I realized, you do not give "Advice" but "Piece of advice", and the plural is "Two Pieces of advice". Here is a list of words that fall under this category: furniture, information, equipment...Though technology is so advanced, my TV still behaves like this. When the button i push on my remote control doesn't respond at first, and i push it again and get channel 33 when i wanted 3.Though the conversation between my two kids were about toys, it was as if they were born to a rich dad. Last evening, while they're playing with toy cars, my first son said to his brother, 'You keep the BMW, I'll keep the mercedes. And, dad has promised to buy a ferrari next month'Three types of mosquitoes live in my house: Type A: Buzzes around my ears from 10pm to 6.23am but never pricks. Type B: Aims a dinosaur prick at sharp 2.03am to make me jump out of the bed. Type c: A mosquito, who is a postgraduate in PFB (prick,flee,buzz) that actively applies advanced scientific techniques to keep me awake all night encouraging me to kill him/her(do they have a gender?) that never happens.to be a great leader use SQIL mnemonic. SQIL stand for be Silent, ask Questions, be Informed and Listen actively. A very simple but elegant mnemonic of leadership skills http://www.squidoo.com/communication-skills-humorto buy any electronic items this Diwali. nice! I would have been happierToday is a special day for me, because I reached 2000 plus friends in Facebook. I take this opportunity to thank each friend and family member of mine for accepting/inviting me to be part of your relationship circle.Today is my birthday and I started my day with an embarrassment. One of the my friends called me in the morning to wish me happy birthday but I was in the toilet. So, my son picked the call. My son, "Hello", My friend, "Can I talk to Sridhar. I like to wish him", My son, "He is in the toilet.", My Friend, "When can I call him back?", My Son, "Call him after one hour because he usually takes really long time to come out of the toilet."Today morning i was woked up from an intersting dream that had a great story line. After some time, I tried going back to sleep in an attempt to watch the climax, no use.Today morning, I was waiting for the alarm to go off. Sleepy and lazy, I said to myself "bright morning, already, alarm will wake me up in few minutes" but no signs. I hesitatingly glanced at my timepiece. I suddenly realized that the alarm had gone off an hour ago. I'm late to office! as usual.Today, I came across a book titled "200 Nicest Things in Life that Doesn't Cost Any Money". Good book but I didn't buy it because it costs too much.Today, I'd like to heartfully thank all my facebook friends and family for all the "like" you give me for my updates. Every "like" of yours makes me excited, motivated and update more. Thank you so much:)Today, it is not about my kid, but my neighbor's: I don't know whether I am dumb or this kid is smart. I am not able to beat my neighbor's 10 year old son in chess. For the past 8 months, I have been beaten by him, 27 times, and I could beat him only once. None of my clever tactics or strategies work in front of this kid. I literally shiver when I play chess with this guy while he watches TV, take calls, have snacks, pull my leg while winning the game.Today, my son is celebrating his birthday. I, "Son, wish you many more happy returns of the day", He, "Thanks dad, same to you".Today, my son's nightmare affected our dad-son relationship. My three year old son is not talking to me since morning. Guess why? Last night, he had a dream in which I yelled at him and punished him.Today, while clipping my nails, I clipped my index finger too far. It pains. the feeling I have in my index finger all day long is like, "Vr...vr...vr...vr...vr..". It pains.Training Newsletter of this week: What to Wear during an Interview. Remember F.O.O.D.S. Fabric, choose appropriate clothing, Opinionated Phrases; Avoid shirts/t-shirts that convey inappropriate message, Old; choosing the style of clothing is important, Dye; selecting the right color for the interview, Size; not too loose nor too tight clothing.Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I..mm..wonder..ww...what you are! Wondering what I'm doing? Of course...preparing myself for the entrance exam for my 2 year old son's school admissions. I heard parents will be interviewed first before taking the child in to school.Valentines Day? But I’m married: Today my wife called. She: Hello, Me: Yeah, She: You forgot something today. Me: Oh,those cell phone bills? I will pay them tomorrow for sure. She: No, not that. Me: The grocery list you gave is with me already. She: No, not that. Me: I got it. You asked me to inquire about the play-school for our kid. She: No. Me: Then? She: Today is valentine's day; you never wished me. Me: OOPS!Very often, this happens to me with strangers in the supermarkets. I meet the same person I've already met in the dairy, provisions, frozen food, beverages and sweets sections. Is that because we both are buying something common or the supermarket itself is designed this way so that I meet strangers as often as possible? I still wonder.Very Public: I go to public telephone booth and all my personal conversations are heard by the public who are waiting outside the booth. I wish we had sound-proof public telephone booths.Want to keep yourself busy? count stars in the galaxy as statistics say If you attempted to count all the stars in a galaxy at a rate of one every second it would take around 3,000 years to count them all. So, Start now before it is too late. I've started already!watching cricket match on LCD TV in your cubicle, sandwich grilled fromWe named our kids Sushrith and Sushang. Now, It is time to come up with passwords. It is *******Website of mine www.think-behave-speak-write.com has reached its 50000 visitors yesterday and still counting. I thank all my friends and family members who spend their valuable time reading my articles.what a surprise Sunitha mam. Very happy to see you in facebookWhat to say during an interview? remember 4Es: Experience, Education, Enthusiasm, Employer.When I was young, my mom once said in a parental warning voice "Never lie, god will prick your eyes if you lie" and I believed her.When it comes to self control I admire this sweet stall shop keeper, whom I know for two years. Though, the high calorie sweets, snacks, and pastries are right in front of his eyes--day in and day out--he never puts on an inch of weight since two years.When it comes to watching TV, my wife likes watching movies, the first son likes watching cartoon network, my mom likes watching family episodes, my second son likes watching advertisements, and I like keeping the TV switch off in order to save electricity bill. But you know who wins? Myself. How? Half the time there is no power in our locality. God exists.When will I improve my English? Oxford English Dictionary lists about 500,000 English words. Should I by-heart all these words to be a competent English speaker. I wish I were coffee machine; it has only 5 words to by-heart. tschff...ssstp...gboggle....trrrnn...tbooft. How Easy.Whether you are giving a business presentation or having a conversation with your loved one, VPRACTIS Acronym should help you to deliver the best using your effective voice.Why am I born? Why do I die? and what am I doing spending so much time in between loosing cell phones, going for haircuts and typing on facebook?With crackers costing a bomb I've planned to settle down cracking Diwali jokes with my children and family this Diwali. Please don't arrive at an impression that I'm going green saving the environment by not cracking the crackers(what-else). Actually, my budget is little tight this Diwali. Wish you all a happy damal-dumil DiwaliWith rising fruit price, An apple a day not only keeps me away from the doctor but from the bank too.Yeah! I got most of my Robert Bosch BSA friends back. Rujutha, Karthik,Yeah, I have got a username at facebook today.Yesterday I got lost in a busy street. So I took help of a stranger to find my way. I was nodding thoughtfully to the complex set of directions given by him which I know I am never going to remember.Yesterday, I curiously told a lengthy joke to my friend only to realize that he was the person who told me this joke a week ago. Thanks to my memory.Yesterday, I got stuck with a sentence while I was reading the newspaper. The more I read this sentence, the less it means to me.Yesterday, shopkeeper suggested me a book titled "Money Making Secrets Revealed" but the price is Rs 9995/-. I asked "How much did you say?" He said "Rs 9995/-". I said "At this price tag, I prefer enjoying the thrill of suspense and try finding it by myself. Thanks anyways"Yet another relaxedly-written column of mine.