Real Life Diwali Festival Anecdote

Personally, if you ask, I wouldn't prefer bursting crackers on a Diwali for a simple reason; I'm SCARED and I get hurt! I still remember, those Diwali days of my childhood, when I was about to burst my first atom bomb. That day, I gained courage, had a clear plan on how to burst this atom bomb. I said to myself, "Keep the cracker in the middle of the road, lit it with Agarbathi (usually used to lit Crackers), run on your RIGHT direction into the house, wait for the cracker to burst". So, I kept the cracker on the road, when I tried to touch the tip of the cracker's fuse, because of nervousness and fear, my hand was insanely shaking, and the agarbathi goes left, right, up, down and around the cracker's fuse(tip) but not at the fuse. During this circus, without my knowledge, the atom bomb got lit somehow. That's when my right brain said, "Ok, it's lit, run to your RIGHT direction as per the plan", my nervous middle brain, "But, which is the right direction? I'm little confused" my left brain, "Bro, what is important, directions or your LIFE?", so I ran for LIFE in all directions, stood in a place, closed my ears tightly using my hands, instructed all the passing vehicles, walking pedestrians and everybody around to stop for a while, though one street dog didn't listen to my instructions. It casually walked past the cracker with a matured smiling face that actually meant, "I don't know when you humans would get some courage in life and above all, the cracker is actually not lit at all!" However, all of us patiently waited for sometime and realized that the DOG was actually right. Everybody was upset but I didn't lose hope, I went close to the cracker, inch by inch, still thinking, "What if it bursts?" and then, this time, I actually lit the cracker, ran away, and waited closing both my ears tightly with my hands. The cracker bursted but along with the smoke that is spreading from the atom bomb, I was shocked to see some smoke from my behind too. Guess what? when I tried closing my ears with my hands, the agarbathi's fire lit tip, which was still in my hand, was making tiny holes in my brand new Diwali shirt and was politely burning my shoulder. My dad inspects and says, "Son, we're spending more money buying BURNOL Ointments than buying Diwali crackers."