Lucy goes to bed before eight now. The night we put her to sleep at 7:30 (and she stayed asleep the entire night) felt nothing less than miraculous. Those three or four “babyless” hour swell with possibility. Especially since Lucy has also entered into a phase where she likes to be held, by me, ALL THE TIME. I am thankful for this evening reprieve, but I’m also overwhelmed with the choices. Should I spend those hours with Ryan? Should we pour ourselves glasses of wine and watch a Woody Allen movie? Or should I steal away into my office, where I can write and read and work on the development of my craft? Or what about baking? On Friday night, I spent those three hours making crepes and decorating my niece’s 11th birthday cake. Not to mention the question of friends. Should we invite Troy and Sarah over? Should one of us go out and meet someone for coffee?
Motherhood has made me life both bigger and smaller. Its expanded my world and taught me what it means to be selfless. But its also made my world smaller…I have so many ideas, so many ambitions, and I’m realizing that I simply can’t do it all. On mornings like today, those limitations feel crushing. I can barely carve out time to write, and so I have this memoir sitting on my desk, just waiting to be finished. It stares at me every day as I bounce Lucy on an exercise ball or as I rock her back and forth in my arms. I remember the first year of my MFA. How foolish I was to not spend more time writing! The luxury of selfish living is becoming more and more apparent. And then there’s my desire to delve deep into the world of photography. So much to learn, so much to experiment with, and yet I only have a few hours each evening to myself.
But then I hold my baby in my arms. I feel her body grow heavy as she falls asleep nestled against my chest. I picture the smile that crosses her face when we dip her into the warm water of her evening bath. And I hold onto those sweet glances she gives me when she nurses. Yes, Lucy limits me. I can’t do all the things anymore. But she’s also teaching me to prioritize. She’s helping me find that which brings joy, that which fulfills the hidden places of my heart. I’m doing away with busyness and finding meaning. And so in these three precious hours tonight, I write. I write for you, and I write for me. I ignore dirty dishes and the cat hair collecting on our living room floor. I sit with a cup of tea, one of these pumpkin spice doughnuts, and a thankful heart.
As many of you know, I’ve been working with McCormick Spices this past year. With the fall months ahead of us, I’m pulling out my favorite spices. Cinnamon. Cloves. Nutmeg. Cardamom. These pumpkin spice doughnuts felt like one of the best ways to welcome fall. I added teaspoon after teaspoon of spiced goodness. My kitchen smelled like my grandmother’s house on Thanksgiving day. When I pulled my doughnut pan from the oven and saw the rich golden color of these round doughy treats, I smiled. Mornings have become my time to bake. Because not only is Lucy going to bed at 7:30…she’s also sleeping in until 8:00. I’m really a lucky woman!
And then to make these gems even better, I whipped together a simple vanilla glaze. Pure vanilla extract, powdered sugar, and a dash of cream was all I needed. I colored the glaze orange, in honor of Halloween (and the hoards of children that I know will soon be knocking on our door). While you probably can’t ever consider doughnuts “health food”, I love that these pastries are baked, not fried. The pumpkin makes them moist, the spices make them flavorful, and the glaze makes them festive. Really, you can’t go wrong.
Pumpkin Spice Doughnuts with Simple Vanilla Glaze
1/2 cup vegetable oil
3 large eggs
1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
1 1/2 cups pumpkin purée
1 teaspoon McCormick cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon McCormick nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon McCormick cloves
1/4 teaspoon ground McCormick ginger
1 1/2 teaspoons sea salt
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
2 cups all-purpose flour
Simple Vanilla Glaze
1 cup powdered sugar
1-2 TBSP heavy cream
1 teaspoon McCormick vanilla extract
3 drops yellow food color
1 drop red food color
Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Grease two standard doughnut pans. (If you don’t have doughnut pans, you can make these in standard muffin tins. They just won’t be doughnut shaped…they’ll still be delicious though!)
Beat together the vegetable oil, eggs, sugar, pumpkin, spices, salt, and baking powder until smooth. Stir in flour until just combined.
Use about 1/4 cup of batter to fill each doughnut well. They should be about 3/4 full. Bake in preheated oven for 15-18 minutes, or until a cake tester inserted into the center comes out clean. Allow the doughnuts to cool for about five minutes before loosening the edges. Remove to a wire rack to cool.
Meanwhile, whisk together powdered sugar, heavy cream, and vanilla extract, adding more cream to reach the desired consistency. Add food color. Drizzle glaze over cooled doughnuts and serve with a hot cup of coffee or hot chocolate.
Monet
Anecdotes and Apple Cores
