What the hell I just made a fucking pros and cons list for Mr. Cali Boy and Mr. Whitewater (insert a what the fuck face here)… I don’t make pros and cons list for anything let alone guys! What the fuck is wrong with me. I have one guy (Mr. Cali Boy) telling me he loves me and I have another guy (Mr. Whitewater) telling me he wants to us to be more than friends at some point ughhhhhh how did I get myself into this spot. I’m not this girl I don’t cheat or play guys. I’ve had that done to me I low how that feels. Yet here I stand basically doing that. Yep I’m one fucked up person. They are both sweet guys I really don’t want to hurt either one of them but I don’t really think there is a way out of this without one of the three of us getting hurt.
Things were going really well with Mr. Cali Boy until they weren’t… He didn’t even notice the change until about a week ago. I think we just moved wayyyy to fast. We went from sneaking around to not having to sneak around to dating to saying I love you to seriously considering moving in together all in a matter of about 3 months! I just got so caught up in everything and then a couple weeks ago I freaked out and literally found the stupidest reason to rtry and break up with him but he says he won’t accept it. I need space from him and I think I would still say this even if Mr. Whitewater wasn’t hanging around. Mr. Cali Boy’s best friend is moving in the next couple weeks and I already know he is going to get super clingy because I’ll be all he has.
The more I sit here and think and write the more I don’t think I want to be in a relationship right now. Don’t get me wrong I love having someone around but somewhere in the past couple months I’ve kind of lost myself. I’ve stopped working out, I’ve stopping drawing, I’ve stopped having me time if it weren’t for my best friend I’m not sure where I would be right now. She is literally keeping me sane! Ready for that really cheesy line, wait for it…. If I’m not happy with myself how can I make someone else happy. It is so stupid but so true.
I guess I just answered my own question, I’m going to tell Mr. Cali Boy I need space and I’m going to tell Mr. Whitewater I’m not looking for anything serious. Hopefully they won’t hate me after this…
