Humor Magazine

Practical Joke: Plants & Ants & Crabs, Oh My.

By Kidfreeliving @kidfreeliving

My parents have a house in Florida where they spend half the year. The other half they live about a block from me here in Maryland. This is important information because in the middle of his Maryland stay last year, my father decided to fly to Florida because his neighbor told him he had ants on his back porch.

He bought a ticket, got on a plane and flew to Florida to see ants.

I never dreamed someone could be that bored. If the neighbor casually mentioned to him that he had unicorns milling around his patio, that might be a reason to fly to back to Florida. But ants? Call an exterminator and have the friendly neighbor who already reported this ant invasion open the gate.

That incident was the source of much amusement for me and my husband Mike, and it became the inspiration for what greeted my parents when they came home to Maryland for the summer.

It started innocently enough. I went to their home when they were an hour away and left them gifts; a tee I had made for my dad and a plant for mom.


Sweet, right? I’m so sweet.

Then I got out the plastic ants and the crabs.


I knew it would be just like my parents to see ants in their kitchen next to a new plant and assume I gifted them an ant-filled rhododendron. I have a history of bone-head things like that.  So the trail starts there…

And oh look! They have a sugar bowl! Ants love sugar!

Gross, huh? Here’s a close up just in case you didn’t just throw up in your mouth a little. Like kids in a sandbox, aren’t they?


You have to have them crawling up the cabinets, but that requires tape. Not the smoothest look, but I was hoping the shock of seeing ants all over their kitchen would hit long before they noticed the buggers were taped there.


Here’s a better view of “sugar corner” of antmaggedon.


Of course there had to be a trail from the door too, just in case they gave me the benefit of the doubt (never recommended) and didn’t believe they came from the plant.


So in the end, this is the full picture that greeted them after their fifteen hour drive.


Time to start phase two… but as I rounded the corner to head to their bedroom, there was a REAL bug dead on the ground that startled me.

Damn karma.

When planning this fiasco the night before, my husband Mike suggested I use crabs, since it’s Maryland, and all…

And where would you find crabs? In underwear! Of course! I made sure to put them on mom and dad’s underwear so they knew they got them from each other. Didn’t want to start any drama about Becky with the good hair. Someone put plastic crabs on Jay-Z’s underwear only, and the next thing you know Beyonce’s got a whole angry album dedicated to it.


And finally, a couple crabbies around the bedroom sink and shower, since crabs like water.


Ta da! My parents are so lucky to have me.

In other news, Pineapple Port #3 – Pineapple Puzzles is nearly done! Yeah! I’ll have a new cover reveal soon! It’s a good one. I’m having a blast writing it.

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