Credit
I was 16 when I fell pregnant with my first baby, I had her at 17. I wanted a baby more than anything in the world. I didn’t have the best childhood and just wanted some one to love and for someone to love me back. I loved every bit of my pregnancy, the baby shopping, scans, midwife appointments even labor was fantastic.
I had a little girl who come on her due date weighing 7lb 13oz, she was perfect. We went home the same day. I decided to breast feed her which I thought would be an amazing experience to get a stronger bond but it wasn’t what I thought it was going to be. I felt so alone, I put her onto bottles after just 6 weeks I refused to feed her.
I started distancing myself from her, I didn’t feel like a mum, it felt like she didn’t love me, it was not how it was meant to be. I would take her out and I put a front on everyday and nobody noticed, we didn’t have a bond but I was able to hide it.
At 4 months old her dad come in from work and I had 2 bags packed one for him and one for her and I made him leave with her, they left. I locked my doors and sat in my bed with loads of pills and a bottle of wine, I just cried and cried. Everything was wrong, I took a few pills when my front knocked.
My brother and mom where there, my brother kicked the door in and they stopped me from doing anything stupid, it was them that made me realize I was normal and all I had was depression and I could get better.
I got my little family back the next day and went straight to the doctors, because I wasn’t 18 my doctor would not give me any medication to help with the depression. But just realising I could actually talk to people saved my life and gave my little girl her mommy back.
