Poorly, Poor, Pathetic: Ibiza Holiday Aftermath

I always knew it would be hard.  But I really didn’t expect it to be this hard. I’m having panic attacks when I’m in a crowd, panic attacks when I’m not in a crowd, and I’ve developed serious phobias to everything from moving fabric, reflective surfaces to rooms without windows. I fear driving, I fear looking in the mirror, and food hasn’t comforted me as much as I thought it would.

This is the Ibiza holiday aftermath. Some people like to call it the ‘Ibiza blues’. But take it from the horse’s mouth; this ain’t no ‘blues’, I tell you. The blues at least offers the melancholy use of wind instruments. There is no music in this black hole.

As though extreme paranoia and serious social disorders weren’t enough to fill up my post Ibiza plate, a sort-of influenza malaise has now come over me – snot and all. But it still gets worse. I am in the middle of a money fuelled battle with the bank because two rigged Spanish cash machines stole over £200 from my account. This was shortly after losing my camera case (could easily have been my camera) and being scammed by a dodgy DJ on the beach.

It’s pretty obvious that if you party in Ibiza, you will just have to suck it up and deal with being both poorly and poor on your return. But if you want to avoid the last ‘P’ (pathetic), there are a few things you could do to protect yourself. Minimise your post Ibiza grievances and have a moderately sh*t recovery as opposed to a totally sh*t recovery.

Here are my Ibiza survival tips (both for your body and for your bank account):-

• Plan a budget (try and stick to it) and get your travel money before you go – avoid using your card abroad otherwise you may be hit with charges or even get swindled by ATMs which charge your card but keep the money anyway (watch out for cash machines on the road from Figueretas to Playa D’en Bossa).
• Get insured – travel insurance is so cheap these days so there really is no excuse not to get this sorted, people! I don’t care if your head is overwhelmed with which DJ is playing where – you will be kicking yourself when you need emergency medical attention. InsureandGo Holiday Insurance can offer travel insurance from as little as £1 a day!
• Research club night tickets before you travel – Ibiza Spotlight is my recommended site for club tickets. You can look at the party calendar and plan your nights out to perfection. Purchase online and you immediately put yourself on the guest list (so no queuing like other clubbers).
• Find great deals on the beach but be careful – if you want to wait until you get to Ibiza before forking out for club tickets, you will find some amazing deals on Bora Bora beach. Beware of fake ticket sellers and always ask which company / venue they work for. I highly recommend club night tickets (with pre party included) with Beach Palace; we had two amazing nights, We Love @ Space and Cocoon @ Amnesia, both with pre parties which included a drink all you can bar.

If you are currently experiencing the post Ibiza holiday blues, make sure you stock up on fresh fruit, enjoy wholesome, meaty and hearty meals, drink plenty of water, and (as hard as it may be) throw yourself back into exercise to sweat out all those toxins.