When I was little
You were the most beautiful woman in the world.
I loved holding your hand
And hiding behind the folds of your clothes.
A little girl, proud I would stand
By your side, feeling comfort and protection
Knowing I was not alone.
As I grew up
And explored all my freedom
I spoke my mind and made mistakes
That you helped guide me through.
You supported me, helped me create
And do things the way I wanted to.
Then came my years as a teen,
And yes, I know I had my moments
As a drama queen.
Testing out boundaries,
Making and losing friends,
Challenging you to match the challenges I felt.
You always accepted me, you always cared
If I ran out angry, you would run after me
And even when I hated it
It still meant the world to have you seek me out
When we fought.
There were good times too
That we shared in those years.
Playing cards, cooking, making jokes,
Testing things out, exploring possibilities.
Witnessing each other’s growth.
Then came the years
That introduced me to adulthood.
I struggled and strived
To make a new life, a new home.
Still we would talk and share and laugh
And I would visit
Leaving with renewed love in my heart –
And a sadness to depart.
I think those first few years out of the nest
Were when I had the most secrets
But I still felt you knew me,
Almost the best.
When I set off to roam the world
Finding new forms of love
Exploring my self
Then discovering heartbreak,
It was the painful beauty of separations
And change that brought us closer together.
I found more value in raw honesty.
I shed my skin and shed my tears
And told you about my fears and insecurities.
When I felt so much doubt
And struggled to justify myself and my life
You were there to help me through,
Holding my hand, letting me hide for a time
Supporting me to find my wings anew.
This bond of ours shifts and changes
The way we share ourselves varies over time
But we’re never strangers.
You’re still that beautiful woman
And part of me is still that little girl
And we still hold each other’s hands
Across the distances of the world.
Even in the strangeness of life,
The unbearable challenges,
The painful comparisons and judgments
That we throw on ourselves,
That hold us back and weigh us down
And make us feel so alone
Even in the darkest darkness
Even in the thickest lantana
That coils around us and scratches us bare
We will always have each other.
Through you and with you
I have learned about love.
I have reached the depths of despair
And soared up to the peaks of happiness.
I’ve found treasure in supporting
And in being supported.
So even though we both may struggle
To navigate the seas around us at times,
To ride over the waves of doubt,
Loss, pain, hardship and fear,
There is warmth in my heart
A sense of support, of knowing
That life is a beautiful thing
Because we are both here.
Image credit: gfpeck on Flickr.
Filed under: Poetry, Writing Tagged: connection, family, holding hands, love, mother and daughter, personal journey, support
