In the past, I’ve written about sharing too much information on social media about your romantic life. Now I’m going to discuss why you keep your dating life private. It’s not because they’re bad people that have ill intentions towards you or your love life. Sometimes their premature opinions can keep you from making choices that are best for you. When you first start dating someone, you’re in the learning stage. You’re learning about this person to see if he/she is right for you and vice versa. By keeping your dating life private, this allows you to better process situations to decide if this person is right or wrong for you. However, I get it! I know that when we’ve been in a dating rut for an extended period we get excited when we meet someone new. We want to hold a Skype conference and tell all our friends about the new person we’ve met. This is why you have one trusted confidante; that’s really all you need! Your friends can unintentionally sabotage things. Here are 5 reasons why you keep your dating life private:
We need to protect our friend syndrome
Your friends think they have an obligation to protect you. There’s not an adult alive that hasn’t had their heartbroken. The last thing you need to hear is “you need to be careful…remember what happened with the last one” Instead of being happy for you they remind you of the mistakes you made in the past. Instinctively, this causes us to become guarded. We spend so much time trying to make sure that what happened in previous relationships doesn’t repeat itself that we forget to actually enjoy ourselves.
They don’t understand your needs completely
Your friends do NOT understand your needs completely. They may desire a hardworking person, with a car, decent conversation, honesty, and stability…OK but isn’t that what 99.5% of people look for in a partner. That alone may be your preference but you may prefer the above along with someone who has a little edge, likes some adventure, and likes plenty of sex. Bottom line, what’s best for them isn’t always what’s best for you.
They know too much already
If you have previously told your friends everything about your past relationships and things go sour; they will focus on all the bad things about that person. People have some weird programming that seems to focus on the negative side of people versus the good. If they don’t call when they say they will your friends will jump on the bandwagon and begin to tell you that this person is no good. But they will fail to remind you that the person you’re dating sent you a dozen roses yesterday. You will end up cursing that person out and making a fool out of yourself when you find out it was a legitimate reason why they called an hour later than they were supposed to. At least he/she called!
Hey, that’s my territory
Friends are territorial and when you meet someone they automatically think they’re losing your time and attention. Don’t act like we don’t pull disappearing acts when we meet someone because we do. This is especially true if you and your friends have all been single for an extended period of time. Yes, most friends will be happy you found someone but they will miss all the girls night out and girlfriend getaway weekends.
Some are just straight up bitter
If your friends have been unlucky in the love department they can become cynical and jaded by the whole dating scene therefore becoming a straight up buzz kill. I will never forget the day a friend of mine (let’s call her Betty) told another friend about a guy she had just started seeing. This lady gave her opinion of the guy Betty was seeing. Betty ended up all messed up in the head. Her friend had just broken up with a guy who did her in. This made her bitter towards all men and she gave Betty some BAD advice. It took me a whole 24 hours to reprogram Betty’s thinking to a positive note. And guess what, the guy ended up being nothing like Betty’s friend made him out to be.
In any case, I’ve learned that in each set of friends. There’s always one who’s you’re trusted confidant, one that secretly don’t like your ass, one that will sleep with your partner and not care, and last but not least, there’s always one that talks too damn much.
Has there ever been a time you regretted telling a friend about someone you’re dating?
