Chuck Williams, BB1
Donna Williams
As some of my followers know, I lost my sister, Donna Williams and my cousin, Chuck Williams, BB1 this past year and though I keep putting one foot in front of the other, it's still very hard to go on without them. It's easy to act like life is the same, act the same, show up and look the same, but inside my heart and soul, things aren't the same. A big part of who I was died with them, and has forced me to reinvent myself. My fear is, who will I be and will I like my new self. Will other's accept I've changed and will I even care about the things that were once so important to me.
My sister, Donna especially, sometimes Chuck as well, come to me in dreams and I don't want to wake up. When I do wake up, I remember their gone and relive their deaths, (both of Cancer) once again. I keep combing through every step I walked with them to see if I could have done something different to save their lives. I think I've been in "shock, denial," for months. Then I slip into anger.
I'm Angry they left me alone, angry I couldn't save them, angry at God, angry at life, angry and disillusioned. Separation anxiety and guilt cause me to break down and cry when a song that reminds me of them comes on the radio. I definitely feel them with me from time to time. I get little messages that they are around me sending me love, strength and the will to live and enjoy my life. But, they were my main support system, so losing them has stripped me of my normally confident persona, and left me being a scared child with a hole in my heart.
It's as if I lost my mom and dad, my best friends, my best halves. They are Saints in my mind. I can't remember all the things that drove me crazy about them, just the wonderful times remain. I don't think of them being sick, no, they are who they are when they were young and beautiful. That's who I miss in them, the parts that remind me of who I was when we were all young and beautiful. I know I will see them again, I know they are just in the other room, just over the horizon, just on the other side of the curtain. But, I miss their Charisma, laughter, sarcasm, cool, hep, always with it selves and that is something I can't bring back.
If anyone can relate to a loss of a loved one, parent, husband, wife, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, best friend, co worker, neighbor, Church member, or especially a child. My heart is with you dear ones, I know what your going through and I wish all of us peace, well being restored and our hearts mended, so we can recover and go on and do what we were put here to do. Love to you all.
Sharrie Williams Author of the Maybelline Story.
Sharrie Williams, Chuck Williams, BB1, Donna Williams
