Culture Magazine

#OperaPlot Until You Plotz: THE ANSWERS

By Superconductor @ppelkonen
So I never got any entries to #OperaPlot Until You Plotz, my little contest based on the 25 posts I entered in this year's #operaplot contest on Twitter.
I didn't win either. Le sigh. Anyway, here's the answers. Please enjoy your nonexistent CD grab bag prize.
And it was easier than you thought. Ten of these were Wagner operas.
1) Peter the Great climbs the perch. Selling anti-Streltsy merch. Mother Russia's in the lurch. Time to go and burn a church. Khovanschina by Modest Mussorgsky

#OperaPlot Until You Plotz: THE ANSWERS

First prize was a night out...
with this guy. Well, not really.

2) Maybe I should make that deal with Samiel. The last magic bullet might hit that guy who arrived on the ghost ship last night. This was an "orphan"--could have been one of two operas. Der Freischutz by Weber or Der Fliegende Holländer by Wagner.
3) It's not a bad life. Have hot wild sex in a cave: win a no-frills round-trip package to Italy complete with tour of the Vatican Tannhäuser by Wagner.
4) Mo-mo-mo-Moses, supposes, Jehoveses, he knowses, but Moses, supposes, Aron-eously.
Moses und Aron by Arnold Schoenberg
5) In the depths of a river, three mermaids did flit, singing "Weia-la-weia-la-weia." A dwarf hit upon them, they'd have none of it.
Das Rheingold by Richard Wagner
6) Vasco, Vasco, Vasco da Gama, brave as he could be. Vasco, Vasco , Vasco da Gama, watch out for that tree!
L'Africaine by Giacomo Meyerbeer
7) Crazy Middle East despot sings love song to tree, builds bridge to nowhere with government money.
Xerxes/Serse by Georg Friedrich Handel
8) Whisk flour, salt in bowl. Cut in cold shortening. Toss with fork. Roll dough flat. Put in pie plate. Add children. Bake.
Hansel und Gretel by Engelbert Humperdinck
9) On top of a mountain, where sheep graze the lea, 'twas once a poor maiden, And now she's a tree.
Daphne by Richard Strauss
10) I love you. I believe you. I'll marry you. Have a glass of water.
Arabella by Richard Strauss
11) Cistern Christian oh your time has come. And I know that you're the only one to say....Auuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!Salome by Richard Strauss
12) The fish are in the pot. He's sleeping on a cot. He'd like to have a tot. But married bliss there's not. These rhyme with #operaplot.
Die Frau Ohne Schatten by Richard Strauss
13) I get knocked down. But I get up again. And then I think I'm gonna drown.
Wozzeck by Alban Berg
14) I'm spending all my time watching Fox. And if I see Fox, I'll shoot it.
The Cunning Little Vixen by Leos Janacek
15) Ethiopia invaded! Egyptian army captures military strongman--cites "pyramid power." Aida by Giuseppe Verdi
16) Breaking News: Operation: Haircut fallout: Thousands of Dagon Faithful Killed in Freak Temple Collapse.
Samson et Dalila by Camille Saint-Säens
17) Up Scheldt creek without a paddle. Or a swan.
Lohengrin by Wagner. Should have been "Up on Scheldt creek: Grail send me. If I spring a leak, swan mends me. I don't have to speak, if she offends me." Maybe next year.
18) To-do list: 1. Go to church. 2. Annoy tax collector. 3. Fix shoes. 4. Slap apprentice. 5. Beer und pretzels mit mein homies.
Die Meistersinger von Nürnberg by Richard Wagner
19) Figgy played guitar. Then he dressed up his boss, for some pace goia. While they're housebreakin' the ladder was tak'n.
Il barbiere di Siviglia by Gianachino Rossini
20) Stan: Join me on fiesta deck for cocktails. We can discuss Ireland-Cornwall tax problems and knock back a few.
Tristan und Isolde by Richard Wagner
21) Could you maybe pull out the sword and not sing loudly while doing it? My husband's trying to sleep.
Die Walküre by Richard Wagner
22) Oh how I hate to get up in the morning. Oh how I hate to come out and drink. Cos the tenor's waiting there. To stab my derry-air.
Siegfried by Richard Wagner
23) Are you sleeping? Are you sleeping? Hagen son? Hagen son? Time to kill the hero. World go back to zero. Ring is done. Ring is done.
Götterdämmerung by Richard Wagner. Yes I tweaked this a bit.
24) Thr 1ce ws a grl nmd Kundry She rde for the knites 4 thr sundries Thn alng cm a fool Sh tht h ws cool. Bt died rt b4 Easter Snday
Parsifal by Richard Wagner
25) Julie: Mt me @ Father Larry's 4 wdng XOX--Romez
Roméo et Juliette by Charles Gounod
And there you have it. Thanks to Miss Mussel at The Omniscient Mussel for providing such a diverting fra diavolo divertissement. Congrats to the winners.

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