Diaries Magazine

Open Letter to Schools and Daycare Centres

By Parentalparody @parental_parody
Dear Carers,
Great job on the nurturing and educating front.
Seriously, kudos.
I don’t know how you do it.  I, for one, don't have the patience to last one whole day with just The Feral Threesome, let alone multiple consecutive days with masses of kids.
I do know where you turn when it gets a bit too much for you and you need a time out of sorts:

Open letter to Schools and Daycare Centres

The latest offering

That shit has got to stop.
Especially when you try and palm it off as a heart felt, hand made gift on special occasions.
Teach them how to do a good pedicure or a massage, and that will suit me nicely when Mother’s Day comes around.
But please, as a general rule - if scissors, glue and tape are required, I don’t want it.  Well, okay, that sounds a bit harsh.  I’ll take one single micro item.  You keep the rest to decorate the classroom, okay?

Open letter to Schools and Daycare Centres

Thank you...I think.  What exactly is it?

Educate them in how to make their beds and mine, hang up their towels, turn their clothes in the right way and then put them in the washing basket.  All useful things that would make my heart sing more than a set of cereal boxes glued together in the least compact manner.
They are so enormous I must use the boot to transport them home.  Delicately – because the architect is present.
Do you know how long I have to house the cities made of recycled cardboard products that came from my own home?  MONTHS.  We have an entire room underneath our stairs that is like Sim City for cereal junkies.  Week by week, I sneak out to the bin the night before garbage collection and discard whichever building is in the greatest state of disrepair, or whose tenants are late with the rent.

Open letter to Schools and Daycare Centres

My pre-construction nightmare

Imagine how much parents would love you if you replaced box construction time with one of the following educational options:
- Tuning televisions - Setting digital recording devices - Cracking blocked/scrambled cable TV channels - Learning how to speak Mandarin - Website development - Budgetting - Ironing
If you don’t cease and desist with the box construction, I will start providing inappropriate materials in an effort to hamper or halt works:
- Boxes from various bottles of duty free alcohol - Tampon boxes - Cigarette cartons - Condom boxes - Wine casks - One single box featuring Angry Birds, so that anarchy reigns and all the kids go wild and feral fighting over it.
Down tools.
Enough of the box construction.
With much love, thanks and adoration, PP xxx

Open letter to Schools and Daycare Centres

The only box construction product allowed, fool

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