Diaries Magazine

Nutellagate - the Resolution

By Parentalparody @parental_parody

Nutellagate - the resolution

Yes, I even made a pie chart.  Such is my passion to educate the masses regarding Nutella.


Today I'm addressing the burning issue that one single person has emailed me to check on the progress of. I present to you the outcome of #Nutellagate.... Initially, I was apprehensive at the prospect of having to retrain the taste buds of a *slightly older and set in her ways* #1Nana.  Not one to shy away from a challenge when I know the outcome will be my progression up the inheritance food chain, I grabbed my jar of Nutella and it was on. To my surprise, she had also bought a jar of Nutella.  Clearly she was willing to learn. Albeit a pathetically small jar (cue whiney rant about the price of Nutella when she's never bought it before and spends more on ice cream....ANYWAY....). Points on for opening her mind to the endless sustenance possibilities provided by this one pathetically small jar. I decided to start with the basics - consumption via finger scoop. She hesitated. I dug straight in with my finger. I had her cornered in her bedroom, nowhere to run.  So she finally dipped a fingernail in. Followed by a full fingertip. Success!

Nutellagate - the resolution

Miss8's dodgy camera work capturing the historic moment that #1Nana first sampled Nutella.

Witnessed / backwards photo bombed by Mstr5, who was professing his sincere affections for both of us the entire time, in the hopes of sliding his own finger into the jar. Clearly I was so enamoured by the Nutella that I didn't even bother sucking my gut in.  It is powerful stuff, I tell you. Encouraged by such a successful first encounter, I proceeded to Google "easy Nutella microwave mug cake", ignoring every recipe with more than 3 ingredients or 4 minutes of effort required. Settling on one, I made enough for everyone, including The Feral Threesome - who were rapturous at the prospect of chocolate after dinner, made into cake, topped with cream. Miss5 was suspicious, and had the smarts nerve to ask if there was broccoli in it. She knows me well, that one.  If only I'd thought to puree some beforehand, I absolutely would've put it in theirs.  But not mine. Because, ewww, broccoli tainting the perfection that is Nutella? Not for me, thanks.  But definitely for my kids in order to alleviate some of the mother guilt about feeding them sugary sugar filled sugar after dinner. So anyway, it turns out there's a reason most of the Nutella mug cake recipes contain more than 3 ingredients.  While it was indeed cake like in consistency, it was weirdly lacking in much sweetness, but far too rich at the same time. #1Pop, the sugar loving diabetic, didn't even finish his.  Massive fail, right there. He went back for more cream, causing #1Nana to nearly wet herself that there was cream left.  Which in turn caused #1Pop to crack the shits at having to share it with her, and so he went out in protest, refusing to eat the rest of his cake. All training ceased there, as I became super ill a few hours later.  So ill that I couldn't go to work the next day - and everyone knows how much I enjoy leaving #1Hubby at home with the kids to go sit in a quiet office sipping flat whites and watching TV that one, blissful day a week. Now, I'm not blaming the Nutella. Perish the thought. I am blaming the cream (which I was far more generous with on my own cake than anyone else's, naturally).   I leave you with one final deciding argument, should any of you still doubt the all encompassing awesome that is Nutella :

Nutellagate - the resolution

Image credit


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