I’d love to make little funny videos, but have neither the time, skill or cast to do so. So, I’m introducing a new series “No Video Skills Theatre” which I’m spelling “Theatre” instead of “Theater” because it is more pretentious that way.
Today’s installment:
No Video Skills Theatre Presents:
“THE GUY WHO DUMPED ADELE DOESN’T GO OUT MUCH ANYMORE”
INT. HOUSE – EVENING
A party in full swing with people milling about or paired in conversation clumps. A man walks up to another man standing alone against a wall.
PETER
Hey, Charles! How are you?
CHARLES
Good. How are you, Peter.
PETER
Good! Gosh, I haven’t seen you since you were dating… um… what was her name?
CHARLES
Adele.
PETER
Oh right. Adele. Mm. Sort of an ugly breakup, eh?
CHARLES
You could say that.
A woman walks up to Charles, angrily slaps him, and then walks away shaking her head with distain.
PETER
What was that about?
CHARLES
(shrugs)
Happens all the time.
PETER
So, I heard you settle down? Married now?
Another woman walks up. Charles winces and then relaxes. He reaches out to put his arm around the woman.
CHARLES
Peter, this is my wife, Gwendolyn
GWENDOLYN
Hi, nice to meet you.
PETER
(shakes Gwendolyn’s outstretched hand)
Hi nice to meet you. So… are you a singer?
GWENDOLYN
I’m a receptionist.
PETER
Oh. (mumbles) So no castle.
GWENDOLYN
What’s that?
PETER
You’re not rich, own a house like a castle, nothing like that.
GWENDOLYN
No.
PETER
Hm.
Woman storms up and throws a glass of wine in Charles’ face.
WOMAN
(screaming at Charles)
How could you DO that to her? She LOVED YOU! SHE. LOVED. YOU!
(woman sobs and runs off)
CHARLES
(calmly)
Dear, the towel…
Gwendolyn reaches into her large purse and pulls out a towel already stained with red wine. She hands it to Charles who uses it to wipe his face and chest.
PETER
So…do you ever talk to Adele anymore?
CHARLES
(cleaning himself off)
She stopped by unexpectedly the one time. Other than that, no.
PETER
That new guy of hers is sort of like you.
CHARLES
No. Not really. He’s better. He’s a lot, lot better.
PETER
Oh. Well…at least you know she wishes the best for you.
CHARLES
(stares at Peter for several seconds)
Shut up. OK Peter? Just shut up.
PETER
Right. Well, no worries. Sometimes it lasts in love and sometimes it hurts —
CHARLES
SHUT. UP.
Peter nods and wanders off as another woman walks by and slaps Peter.
CHARLES
(to Gwendolyn)
You were right. Too soon. Think it’s time to go.
Gwendolyn nods and they leave.
(First seen on Funny or Die)
