Humor Magazine

My Man Is Part Carrot – What Can I Do? – Aunty Bill Replies!

By Gingerfightback @Gingerfightback

Aunty Bill - A Tin Opener Short

Aunty,

Recently my man has been diagnosed with permanent vegetable disorder. His nose is a carrot, arms are leeks, ears are cauliflowers and his head is turning into a giant lettuce.

I love him dearly but when I see him now all I think about is making a nourishing vegetable broth.

Can you help?

Sally, Stockton on Tees

Aunty Bill Replies;

Sally,

Sorry to hear of your caused in watching your man slowly turn into a human casserole.

However with the onset of the cold weather, now is the time to prune those parts no longer of any use to him. He seems to have most of the ingredients to make a nice stew with the simple addition of a pound of stewing steak and a tin of butter beans and some lentils.

I recommend using a slow cooker to bring out the full flavor of your mans “produce” (leave out the lettuce though). Russell Hobbs do a 6.5 liter brushed aluminum effort for £26 (with vario-thermostatic control) which would be ideal for your needs and provide a healthy and sustaining meal which will last you for several days.

Don’t worry about pruning the limbs as this type of vegetable disorder is that the limbs grow back after a short while therefore providing a constant supply of food! Ensure you keep his lettuce well watered as this is the source of the nutrients that keep the rest of his root vegetables healthy.

I’m sending you a copy of my leaflet “20 Slow Cooker recipes for those living with permanent vegetable disorder (or with someone in the household who does)” – bit of a mouthful but sure tastes good!

Yum Yum!

Aunty Bill

You can read more Aunty Bill here!


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