My Grandpa is Sick
The past few weeks I’ve mentioned that my family is going through a really rough time and that my grandpa is sick other than that I’ve purposely been vague about the situation. I felt that my family members were all going to need a few weeks to learn to cope and I wanted to respect that. I cope by writing. Writing helps me understand the pain I’m feeling. It helps me cope. Now it’s time for me to write.A little over 2 weeks ago, my dad sent a text saying my grandpa was in the hospital and he wasn’t doing well. My grandpa is 86 years old and is no stranger to a hospital bed, so I expected this time to be the same culprit, old age. The next day, I received a second text saying my grandpa had cancer and my dad would let me know more as soon as he did. At this point, I didn’t know the type of cancer or the severity. All I knew was that I immediately sent an emotional text to Jared explaining the horrible thing I had just found out. I felt a horrible heavy pit in my stomach and thought I might hurl. I had a few hours left at work, but I could barely concentrate. I sent my dad a few more texts to see if he knew anything else. He didn’t, he was trying to get information from my grandma, but she must have been way more disoriented than any of us, hearing her husband of over 60 years has cancer. After work, I still hadn’t heard anything Jared and I had already had plans, so we followed through and went bowling with my brother and a few friends. I remember feeling like I was trying to smile and engage in conversation, but I checked my phone every other minute waiting for more news. Nothing.
A few hours later I was getting ready for bed and I heard my phone buzz. I ran across the room tripping over my own feet to find my phone. There was a text explaining it was throat cancer. I still didn’t know how severe, but at least I knew something. I stayed up most of the night googling symptoms, reading cases, and trying to get a grasp on what my grandpa would be dealing with in terms of treatment. I started to feel relief when I read that throat cancer is very curable when it’s caught early. I naively assumed it was caught early, because as I said early my grandpa is no stranger to hospitals. I figured since he’s in the hospital often enough, the must have caught this aggressive cancer in the very beginning stage.
I woke up Friday morning and still felt a the same lingering heavy lump in my stomach. I kept my phone next to me at all times. My family decided we were going to go to the hospital and see my grandpa after work at about 5. I kept my phone near me all day long. I even took it in the bathroom with me so I wouldn’t miss any updates. The day seemed oddly silent. I hear nothing. No texts, no calls, no information at all. The hospital that is close to his home is about an hour away from my work. I made arrangements to leave work early and found myself watching the clock all day long, I swear I saw each minute pass the whole time I was in the office. I left work close to 3:30 and almost as soon as I got in my car I received a text from my mom. She said that she and my dad were at the hospital already and that my grandpa was exhausted and that we couldn’t come visit, but she wanted us to head to her house. I cried the whole commute home. I can’t explain it, but I was angry at my parents. I was mad that they went to the hospital without me. I thought that if I could see my grandpa, I’d feel better. I could see he was sick, but he was going to be okay. I felt that would give me reassurance. I drove home through a blur of tears and felt sick and angry.
I cried at home and I didn’t pull it together. I cried a lot. My sent another text asking if Jared and I would come over to her house. The text made me cry more, because even though it was a text, I knew the tone wasn’t positive. This is all more serious than I could have imagined. Jared and I drove quickly over to my parents house, we didn’t exchange a word, we just drove and I ran through the situation over and over in my head. When we arrived, things were oddly calm. My dad wasn’t home yet and I started to poke my mom for more information, but she wanted the news to come from my dad, since it’s his dad. My brother and I are both in our mid twenties, but in that moment I didn’t feel older than 5. I didn’t want to ask questions, but at the same time I wanted to know everything. We waited for my dad to get home. We waited silently.
When my dad came home we ate dinner quietly. It was obvious that he didn’t feel like talking about it. He was putting on a brave face for us, even though at this point he was carrying the full burden for our family, since no one else knew the extent. Eventually my mom nudged my dad and let him tell us what’s going on. He started by explaining that the cancer is a cancerous tumor in his throat, but the cancer has spread from his throat to his liver. I didn’t want to hear the answer, but I asked what stage it was, and his reply, stage 4.
The treatments options for stage 4 are really aggressive. He would need chemotherapy and then they would do an invasive surgery to get the tumor out. After that they would need to rebuild his throat from his stomach tissue. He’s 86 years old and this surgery is far too intense for him, chances are he wouldn’t make it out of the operating room. At this point we were told he has 8 months left to live and even if the surgery was an option it wouldn’t extend his life for more than a few years.
I started to see tons of news updates from my dad’s side of the family on Facebook and Instagram. Everyone was doing what I was, they were trying to cope. My cousins that live close by were uploading floods of photos of their kids with my grandpa and posting sincere updates wishing prayers and love to other members of our family. It seems like none of us know how to handle the situation and we’re all hurting immensely.
The following week, my parents had a vacation to go on that they planned months ago. Since I still hadn’t seen my grandpa, I decided to bring over dinner and visit. We didn’t think things could get much worse, but as Jared, my brother and I were over at my grandparent’s we heard the last piece of devastating news. My grandpa was hoping to take a pill that would help extend his life to the maximum of 8 months, but he didn’t qualify due to something in his genes. After he heard the news, in his most calm and accepting voice he put his arm around me and said “You better save me date 3-4 months away.” I teared up and curled up into my grandpa’s chest, because how could I respond to that?
