1.BARGE/CANAL DOCK/EUROPEAN CITY, NIGHT-TIME, c.1970. We open with stock footage of London. We cut to s tugboat or barge at dock, from the view of a camera coming out of billowing fog. We see two young people making love to each other to some cheesy easy-listening romantic music of the 1960s/1970s on a record player. The girl, MARY is blond, dressed skimpily in short shorts, late teens, early twenties, while her boyfriend CARLO is swarthy-skinned, possibly Latino, tall, dark and handsome, and slightly older, twenty-five-ish. The camera rolls by, the Captain, GORLEY, sixty-ish, with a gray beard, in peaked cap and roll-neck jumper, looking happy and smiling at the lovers. He nods and then turns to his wheel. As CARLO and MARY make out, CARLO breathes. Then, his girlfriend begins to shriek in fear. CARLO (in odd foreign Mid-Atlantic type accent) What is it darling? MARY Rope! CARLO (quizzically) Rope, what do you mean rope? MARY points at a rope swinging from a crane that reaches CARLO. CARLO does not notice. Then, the rope catches between one of his legs, it unravels and catches him, slowly pulling him. He then looks once more behind him, a kind of squeamish look spreading across his face like a rash. He looks scared, before letting out a scream, as he is pulled across the water. Then, he hits a buoy, and another rope comes along onto his neck. He screams again, but it is too late. His neck begins to snap loudly, and he is left with a kind of mouth-open, enraged look, as he dies, his eyes wide open. He looks as if he is in shock or surprise. Then, all of a sudden, his body reaches land. We see his body dragged back onto the land, screeching. We cut back to MARY. She looks terrible. She is wondering what has happened to her boyfriend. She has a kind of erratic, fast movement in her fingers and in her body language. She is panicky. She turns to the captain, GORLEY. There are tears coming out her eyes. She is not happy. She has a sense of grief, horror, confusion, shock and everything else. There is hope in it, but it fades eventually. She is left a wreck, she’s left sad. MARY (getting all blubbery) Is there anything we could do? GORLEY (in a pirate-y West Country accent) No, ma’am, he’s dead! Don’t cry, don’t cry! MARY (looking at GORLEY in shock) What? He’s dead? GORLEY ‘Fraid so, don’t be so stupid! I’ve served in the Navy! Basically, his neck broke. MARY (confused, grief-stricken) But who would do it? Why, was it an accident, was it murder? GORLEY What was his job? MARY (wiping away her tears) Oh, he was a police constable, at Scotland Yard, yes, at the Yard. GORLEY It is a dangerous job, ma’am! 2.SCOTLAND YARD OFFICE/SCOTLAND YARD/LONDON, morning, c.1970 We open in an odd, cluttered office, full of books, Union Jack flags and bunting to emphasize it is Britain, maps of Britain and ‘welcome to Britain’ or union jack mugs being drunk. We see the character ofINSPECTOR FREDERICKMANLEY, a fat, balding, moustachioed, cigar-chewing, middle-aged copper, who when we met him, has a cigar in his mouth and is slightly tipsy. We see a small PC talk to him. PC Inspector, your daughter wants to see you! She looks a bit angry. MANLEY Tell Jessica I’ll be there! Any news on Zito? PC Didn’t you hear? MANLEY What? PC Carlo is dead. MANLEY (as he nears Jessica) Oh, yeah, the rope, but I still think he is alive! Where’s your mother? We see JESSICA, an attractive teenage girl of sixteen in a pink dress. JESSICA She wants a divorce. I’m sorry to hear about Carlo. His girlfriend is here. I’m here to stay with you. MANLEY Oh, well, I expected that from the bitch. Anywhere, where’s MARY. MARY I’m here. MANLEY You want to know more? There’s nothing MARY No, I want to be a policewoman. MANLEY Policewomen do no work. They just make the idea. I am honest. Anyway, we have enough business as it is, with your boyfriend. MARY Don’t be a sexist! Alright, I know what you mean. I’ll go. As MARY leaves, MANLEY nods. We briefly see his wife, ANNE who looks unhappy, her hatchet-face in a frown. ANNE (sarcastically) Hello, darling! MANLEY Bore off! ANNE (drunk in a Cockney accent, as MANLEY leaves) Oh, go off yourself! 3.FLAT/EUROPEAN CITY, AFTERNOON c.1970 We see CARLO’S grandmother and grandfather, MARLENA and FRANK, two old Spanish people in a flat. MARLENA Is sad about our grandson. FRANK (tired, yawning) He was a good boy, our Guido. MARLENA CARLO! FRANK Oh, sorry, I have so many grandchildren. Carlo deserved! We see FRANK as he heads upstairs, where his fingers impatiently drum along the wooden bannisters of the starirs. From now, we see from someone’s point of view, a black gloved hand opening a window, climbing into the upstairs bathroom and seeing the frightened FRANK, pushing him into the overflowing bath and picking up a lamp, throwing it in. We see sparks and then FRANK is electrocuted, his body flopping, and his neck hung on the edge of the bath, his moustache burnt off by the lightning. MARLENA (calling her husband from downstairs, as she watches television) Is that you, FRANK? MARLENA grabs her handbag and to impress her husband, puts on a bit of extra makeup, as she heads up to the bathroom, along the carpeted stairs to see what is going on. She wants to look glamorous, but is slightly snobby, as she takes a brush out of the handbag and brushes off her husband’s fingernails off the stairs, leaving them to be almost pristine. As she heads upstairs, she puts on shoes to enter the bathroom, clogs, as she believes shoes don’t mix on carpet. As she enters the bathroom, she sees the black-gloved killer and attacks the killer by swinging her handbag, and muttering in some foreign language. We can briefly hear he scream at the top of her voice ‘BASTARD’ and tut-tuts the sight of her husband, showing that she did not love him much, and is probably glad to see that he is gone. However, the killer knockers her out by pushing her head against the window. The killer then coats the unconscious body of MARLENA from head to toe in Vaseline, before he sets alight to the body, the Vaseline roasting away to reveal a skeleton with little skin left. We see MANLEY running in to find that the killer has gone. MANLEY Oh god, the killer’s struck again on his grandparents. I think we should leave. Suddenly, his ex-wife, a tall, hatchet-fached, blonde woman, ANNE appears. ANNE (quizzical) Frederick, why you here? MANLEY You’re not the killer, are you? ANNE (angry) I wish I was. I’d kill you? MANLEY You wouldn’t! ANNE (softening) I wouldn’t. You’re too much. I must leave. As MANLEY leaves, he sees the black-gloved, bandage-masked killer, and chases the killer around the corner, his wife lagging behind him. She looks at the killer, who then disappears. ANNE Can I go? MANLEY Yes! 4.CHURCH/LONDON, daytime, c.1970 We see the interior of the church. We meet REV. FRETTI, the vicar. Initially, he seems quite a boring figure, odd, repressed, monotonous, sexist. He is a tall, plain, balding man of about forty-ish. He is initially always seen clutching a bible. REV. FRETTI (seeing JESS, and nods) Oh, bless you, my child, I hope you are not in grief. JESS (sounding bored) No, I didn’t really know him to be honest. When I was younger, I had a bit of a crush on him, but now he seems a bit weedy. REV. FRETTI Opinions change! JESS I suppose so. REV. FRETTI When I was the poor boy’s age, I had a brief entanglement with a woman. Thank god, I have passed any such dream of romance, for although I am technically Anglican, I am of all religion, especially Catholic, you, ahem (pauses to think) loveable young girl! JESS (bumping into MANLEY) Sorry, Daddy, the priest is a bit pervy. MANLEY He’s not a perv! Trust me! You’ll know when you see it! He is a… JESS Homosexual, you mean? REV. FRETTI How dare you call me such terms as perv, oh, (as he passes MANLEY) Inspector Manley, sorry, I can see how you are analysing the investigation, every detail in character studied! MANLEY (coughing) Yes! We see a dark-haired, horn-rimmed-bespectacled boy in a white vest with a Polaroid camera. This is HARRY. HARRY (to JESS) You’re the Inspector’s daughter. JESS Yes, I’m Jess. HARRY I’m Harold. JESS You a photographer? HARRY Yes, not professionally, I did serve a term at the college newspaper, but I was punished… In the background, as people enter the church, we hear Stelvio Cipriani’s opening theme to Mario Bava’s Bay of Blood, played on an organ. HARRY takes photos of the coffins. HARRY It is a triple-funeral, of Carlo Zito, Marlena Zito and her husband Frank Zito. JESS The maniac Zito? HARRY No, not that Frank Zito! JESS (noticing that HARRY is not entering the main service) Why you not going? HARRY I’m taking photos. Hello Mary! MARY (seeing HARRY) Hello, thanks for coming! HARRY No bother! JESS You know Mary? HARRY Well, I am carrying out an investigation of my own. HARRY and Jess decide to enter the back room of the church where HARRY looks through a keyhole. We see through the keyhole REV. FRETTI putting his cassock over a pair of women’s knickers. He then lets JESS see through the keyhole. JESS (looking slightly repulsed) He’s a transvestite! I knew he was pervy like something out of the Hammer House of Horror! HARRY Well, no, don’t say that! He’s more an Amicus type! Actually, he is Hammer. You’ve seen Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde… JESS No! HARRY Well, he’s actually gay, once went without another ex-drag queen, MAVIS SAVIS. JESS How do you know? HARRY My brother Dudley is a homosexual! JESS Oh! I see. Suddenly, we see GORLEY behind them. He is dressed like a lighthouse keeper, for no inexplicable reason other than to emphasize the nautical feel. GORLEY (coughing) I was on my way to a fancy dress party. Now, where’s the corpse? JESS We don’t know. It’s in the main hall. GORLEY Oh yes! Good! I thought I would try to pay my own respects. However, we then cut to another POV shot from the killer, full of crazy Dutch angles, zooms, and such. The killer jumps in through a stained glass window, and we see the frightened face of REV. FRETTI, as he sees blade wounds through his stomach, from a blade-tipped arrow. We briefly cut to a scene of an arrow through a pulsating, beating heart. Then, we see the vicar’s body thrown onto the pipes of the organ, and the music being played through it by the killer, who can’t play. We briefly cut to a reaction shot of people trying not to listen to it, covering their ears. MANLEY, JESS and HARRY rush in. MANLEY The vicar’s dead. JESS Oh, god, the killer’s in here. HARRY (snapping photographs of the churchgoers) I think I saw a knife on the ground. 5.SPARE ROOM/UNDERTAKER’S/LONDON, c.1970 We see in the back room of an undertaker’s that HARRY has set up his own darkroom to develop his own photographs. JESS (coming in) I thought Polaroids were instant. HARRY This isn’t the Polaroid. This is a much more detailed lens. (pointing at phot) The knife is dropped from the ground, so it is either anyone in this crowd. JESS It could be Dad. HARRY Yes! My thoughts too! He didn’t seem sad. JESS Dad isn’t that emotional! We then see the UNDERTAKER, a tall, bony, bug-eyed man with slicked-back black hair, like something out of a silent movie. UNDERTAKER (in thick German accent) Howdy do! I must go now. I have things to do. The bodies need to be prepared for cremation. Did you know that cremation is quicker than birth? JESS (slightly creeped out) Howdy do! (once the Undertaker leaves) He was an odd sort, wasn’t he, and they’re all oddities. We then see ANNE, standing around the corner, in a phone box, onto her husband. ANNE Go away, you moron! I’ll murder you! Suddenly, we see the UNDERTAKER grab her by the neck and suffocating her with a shoe-shine brush in her mouth. UNDERTAKER You murderer! You deserve this! Though you did supply me with four new corpses! Suddenly, we see HARRY and JESS, their hands around the corner. HARRY Is he the murderer? JESS Not Mum! But he thought she was the murderer! HARRY But he’s going to be put in… MANLEY Yes, I heard the wife’s dead. Sad, but… We cut to the UNDERTAKER, where we see an arrow go through his ear, tearing open that flap of skin, revealing the pulsating brain. We see MANLEY, finding his body and tut-tutting. JESS decides to ring up MARY. JESS (in phone box) Where are you? There’ve been more murders! MARY (in her living room, panicking) The killer’s in the house! Help, I’m hiding! He’ll find me! JESS We’ll get there! (Putting the phone down, talking to HARRY) Jess is in her house, with the killer. 6.MARY’S FLAT/LONDON, NIGHTTIME, c.1970 We see MARY’S riverside flat with tiny kitchenette and cheesy 70s ITALIAN/ENGLISH décor, such as Roman statues. We see CAPTAIN GORLEY on his way, his boat opposite the flat. We think at first he might be the killer, rings the doorbell, only to be once again killed with an arrow in the brain by the killer, from the window, so we don’t see the killer’s face. MARY (wearing black glove) Bad Captain! HARRY (running in with a gun in one hand, a camera in the other) No, it’s you! MARY Yes, I’m the killer. JESS (briefly pausing for breath) Who killed your boyfriend, then? MARY His grandparents, they thought he was the black sheep. I killed, because I liked killing. MANLEY (dressed in bandaged mask) Hello, I am dressed as the killer! Undercover. Hi, Jess! MANLEY drags MARY into the prison van, and HARRY and JESS look into each other eyes romantically. MARY fires a gun at HARRY, but the bullet is freeze-frame frozen in mid-air. The credits roll. The end
