I have an online persona as Supermum, I am much like Jekyll and Hyde, there are 2 of me. There is Supermum who is the bubbly, 
helpful and confident figure and then there’s Emma, there is so much more than meets the eye. I am a fake, I hide behind the Supermum name as I am so ashamed of the real me.
Meet Supermum
She is there to help and support hundreds of women; she is highly respected and has earned the trust of many. Nothing is ever too much for Supermum and she will go to extra lengths to help others. She is honest, open and dedicates her time to just being there for anyone who needs her.
Supermum talks to mums who are struggling with depression, she discusses self-harm with mums who are cutting their bodies into pieces, she helps women leave abusive relationships and is always on hand to listen to a mother in need. She never judges, she offers her own advice yet always ensures professional support is sought.
Supermum offers mothers a chance to speak out; hundreds of mothers on her Facebook mums group have asked her to share their stories on their behalf on her blog. Supermum will carefully edit each post given to her; taking time to ensure the words the women wants to speak are spoken, in a safe and confidential way, always editing out anything that would give away an identity.
She cares, she understands, she believes.
Meet Emma
Emma is the other side to me, the real me, the person behind Supermum.
I find it difficult to trust people, everybody in my life has always let me down. I am used to people hurting me, so when a genuine person takes an interest in me, the brick wall goes up and the defences are put into place.
I never feel quite good enough, nothing I do ever measures up to a set of standards I have created. I will never accept that I am just as good as anyone else; I find too many flaws and faults with who I am. Some days I despise the person I am, other days I fight to become a better person, I have so many demons that it can be difficult.
I find it difficult to talk about myself, I still feel ashamed of what I am. Too many years of being put down and being told I am damaged and worthless have left its mark.
People choose to see what they want to see. Those that judge me have never taken the time to get to know the real me, Supermum is the women I would love to be, but that’s only the good part of me, I also have a bad side.
The bad side of me will see me self-harm, punish myself and to a degree torture myself. I look in the mirror to remind myself I am not worthy of others friendships. I am desperate to be accepted, yet my paranoia does not allow me.
I will never look into your eyes when you see me face to face, I look at the floor, I never feel confident enough to keep my head up. I feel inferior to others.
Paranoia never allows me to get close to others, if someone was to start chatting to me I would question why. Are they just talking to me so they can go back and talk about me, what have I done wrong?
I struggle to show the real me, always try to hide what I am feeling and thinking as I have such a low opinion of myself that I fear I will be rejected.
I understand why some do judge me, I am damaged.
I have so many faults and it’s easy for others to see these. Yet I also have a few good bits, that I keep trying to remind myself, I created Supermum because that’s the real me, that’s who I am underneath this armoured shield.
I may appear confident even arrogant, it’s a show. Inside I am breaking and it’s my natural protective wall going up, trying to stop me being hurt again.
Please don’t judge a book by its cover ….
