Have you ever thought about going to the GP to feign some kind of tummy bug, or headache, or sore finger or ailment of another kind so that he/she would peer at you over specced eyes sympathetically, ahhhhh appropriately and then scribble out the medical certificate that you need to present to your boss, principal or other in charge type of person???? C’mon now 
Well, I’m on the verge of hitting up my GP with a crap tale in the remote and very vague hope that she’ll recommend me for a sleep study somewhere. I say somewhere as I’d truly go anywhere to make this donation to medical research. Tomorrow even. Tonight would be even better.
You see, I don’t snore, I breathe well, I don’t even toss and turn much BUT the last full night’s sleep I had was in 2009 and I am so very, very TIRED. Don’t misunderstand me, please, Baby Girl is very adorable and very adored. She is loved dearly by all of us and we couldn’t imagine a life without her. Some sleep would be good though. Please.
Lately, there’s been her new trend of waking up at all hours, partying like a pro, and then up at sparrow’s fart the next morning without skipping a beat. I’m 43 and I skip lots of beats after a night of unbroken sleep …. again!
The tale of last night ……
This was last night at 2.30ish am. It was dark.
Baby Girl: Mummy
Baby Girl: Mummmmmmmmmmmmmmy Mummmmmmmmmmmmy
Mummy stumbles out of bed and shuffles into Baby Girl’s bedroom shhhhhhhhshhhhhing the whole trek down the hall way.
Mummy: What is it?
Baby Girl: I come to your bed
Mummy: Alright, alright but it’s straight to sleep. UNDERSTAND?
Baby Girl: Why?
Mummy: Because it’s the middle of the night
Baby Girl: You carry me
Mummy: No, you walk
Baby Girl: Mouth drops to emit loud wail
Mummy carries Baby Girl to Mummy and Daddy’s bed.
Baby Girl: Where’s boys?
Mummy: Asleep
Baby Girl: Why?
Mummy: Because it’s the middle of the night.
Baby Girl: Where’s Daddy?
Mummy: Asleep on the lounge watching TV {*this is NOT the time to get me ranting about husbands who fall asleep in the lounge room!}
Baby Girl: Why?
Mummy: Because it’s the middle of the night.
Baby Girl: Starting to cry
Mummy: What’s wrong??? …. go to sleep! shhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
Baby Girl: I want to go to my bed (repeating this a number of times over … for all the dramatic effect a 2 year old can muster)
Mummy carries Baby Girl back down the hallway, in the dark, settles her then shuffles back to bed.
10 minutes pass and Mummy has eyes closed just about asleep {NOTE this is the important bit! “just about asleep”- insert loud sigh here!}
Baby Girl: Mummmmmmmmmmmmmmy. I want to do toilet. I want to do toilet. I WANT TO DO TOILET
Mummy: You’ve got a night nappy on (bad, lazy mother option, but what the hell)
Baby Girl: I WANT TO DO TOILET
A tired Mummy shuffle back down the hallway and off we go to the toilet. Wee done. Bottom wiped. Back into Mummy’s bed, collecting Daddy from the lounge room on the way.
Three in the bed. Daddy snoring as soon as his head hits the pillow.
Baby Girl: (singing) There’s bear in there, chair as well, people have games, stories to tell ……….
Mummy: (contemplating self-admission to lunatic asylum) Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Baby Girl: Why
Mummy: It’s the middle of the night
……
……
3.30 ish. Silence. Baby Girl is asleep. It is dark.
Mummy lying awake planning GP visit with goal of being sent to international university for a sleep study as the new vision of paradise involves being hooked up to billions of wires and machines and being encouraged to – and not prevented from – sleep.
I think it’ll be an early night for me tonight, sleep tight all (someone might as well
