My mum gave birth to me in 1992 followed by my 2 sisters in 1994 and 1997. My mum and dad didn’t get on, my dad used to cheat on my mum and hurt her so she turned to having a few drinks then she ended up been an alcoholic.
From the age of 5 I was getting up on a morning to find my mum past out on the sofa. I would empty the bottles and throw them in the bin then I would get my 2 sisters aged 3 and a few month old at the time and get them dressed and fed.
I helped my mum out as much as I could, I would do washing, cleaning and look after my little sisters. To my mum I was an adult, she spoke to me like an adult, she told me everything and I remember everything to this day that she told me and by this point my dad was never there.
One day my mum got arrested for drunk driving so we went to stay with our dad and his girlfriend (who was heavily pregnant with his kid) and my dad made me stand there and watch as they sexually abused my little sister and then they did it to me ( I was 5, my sister 3).
When my mum got out of jail we went back to live with her and I had told her what my dad had done. She phoned the police and social services got involved. They classed my mum as unfit to look after us as she was an alcoholic so my sisters and I got put in care.
My youngest sister got separated from me and my other sister. My youngest sister soon went up for adoption and was adopted in 1998. My sister and I were passed around foster homes as no one wanted two girls that had been abused and then one day we went to this foster family that we thought was great.
My mum would come and visit us every weekend at the home we loved it. I was severely depressed and just seeing my mum brightened me up. I was a kid in care, never once was it mentioned that I could be depressed, I was only 6 years old.
My mum started to go to AA the alcoholic group to stop drinking, it worked, we stayed at her house every weekend then one weekend 4th June 1998 we packed are bags because we was going to live back home for good. But when our social worker came in she looked upset so our foster carers and she took us into the living room where they told me and my sister that our mum had died.
Two months before my 6th birthday, my mother was dead. We went to see her in the morgue she was grey/white and very cold I put my hands over hers. Me and my sister gave her our favourite teddy bears and a picture of her, me and my 2 sisters to take with her.
I didn’t understand why she left us.
I didn’t understand why she wasn’t moving and she just laid there. Then it was time to go, I gave her a kiss on her lips and a cuddle and said “night night mummy ill see you soon.” I never did see my mum again.
I dint want to leave her there alone, my social worker had to peel me off her, all I did was cry.
The foster parents decided they wanted to adopt me and my sister, so in 2000 we were adopted and everything was going okish until I started my periods at 12 and a half years old in 2004. My adopted dad started doing stuff to me (sexually) and he made me do things back to him he told me not to tell any1 and I didn’t.
The only person I trusted and counted on had left me had died how could I tell anyone else. He told me that if I didn’t do as he wanted he would do it to my little sister so I let him carry on doing it to me. He did it to me until age of 15 and then one day at school I got pulled out of class by my head of year, my adopted dad had been sexually abusing my little sister and she had told the school.
I should have said something when he first started doing it because it wouldn’t have happened to my little sister then, but I still kept quiet. The police got involved and he was let go. I still kept quiet I was scared.
I sunk further and further into depression.
I then met this boy called Mark, he was 3 years older than me and the relationship was going fine we had been together 2 years in total. At the age of 16 I had moved out of my adopted mams and dads house and moved into a bedsit. After 3month of the relationship i fell pregnant he started hitting me and I lost the baby at 6weeks.
Two month later I found out I was pregnant again the same happened but at 9weeks. He was in the army and didn’t want any little brats as he called them. His violence got worse; I had fresh bruises each day at one point. I had a fat lip, 2 black eyes, bruises on my arms and legs, bald patches from where he had pulled my hair out and I had 1 side of my face that was black.
He rapped me on several occasions, but I was too scared to go to the police, he put knife to my throat. I wasn’t allowed to see my friends and had to do as he said (something I was used to by my adopted dad).
One day I was washing my hair in the sick when I felt hands near my face, he had put the plug into the pug hole. I tried lifting my head up, he was holding it down, I was panicking, he was trying to drown me.
My face was under water and I was holding my breath, then everything went black.
I finally came around and woke up and one of my mates was there, he had stopped Mark from killing me. Mark got sent to prison that day and that day I had escaped from him.
I started to drink and turned into an alcoholic just like my mum.
I was feeling down on my mums birthday(24th November) and one of my mates asked if her and her boyfriend could come up and have a drink so I said yes, not realising that the bloke who was with her was my sisters ex-boyfriend.
We were all talking and I went to the toilet and came back and drank my can of Carlsberg. I blacked out; as I came around I found my sisters ex on top of me, none of us wearing clothes.
I went numb and froze
I couldn’t move, he then stopped and stood up to my surprise my mate was sat there watching.
I asked her what had happened and she said we drugged you and ****** rapped you when you passed out while I sat here and played with myself and watched him do it.
We never spoke again after that.
I got with my current partner on the 3rd December 2008, we had been talking before that, he knew everything I had gone through and still wanted to get with me. We got together on that date and within 3 months I fell pregnant and after just a year of been together I gave birth to our gorgeous daughter on the 24th December 2009. We are now happily married nearly 4 years on.
I’ve had 13 miscarriages altogether but I’m blessed with my beautiful girl.
I still have down days about everything that has happened to me but I try and think positive. The things that I have wrote about me, make me the person i am today and I finally told the police about my foster dad abusing me as a child but they still didn’t do anything and I haven’t had a drink of alcohol for 2 and a half years
One thing my mum always wanted was her 3 girls and it got taken away from her, that’s why I don’t drink no more. I don’t want my daughter to have to go through what i went through as a kid. I don’t hate my mum for it. I love her and I thank her because she’s made me part of who I am today. I love you mum R.I.P.
