PTSD
As I lay here I can’t help to think of a song that best describes just how somebody can feel comfort through the sounds of a radio, a television or a YouTube link they have just happened to stumble across online. Music helps to calm newborn babies, cancer patients and those who are going through heartbreaks or just hard times in life in general.
There comes a point in ones life that they feel hopeless, you go from Daddy I Love you, to Daddy who are you, from the husband you use to be to the Ex-husband in some circumstances, your friends start to fade away into the distance, your family starts to see the changes in you while all along you feel that everyone else is the problem. That job you use to enjoy starts to leave a bitter taste in your mind as you quickly get blind sided by something that you really don’t understand. Then you hear that 4 letter medical diagnosis called PTSD.
What is PTSD? How could this happen to me ? What am I going to do ? Does this mean I am crazy? What you want me to go into a store, No way!! Why are you looking at me that way?
What you have read so far are just some of my everyday struggles. I am 36 years old, married, and father of 3 wonderful children who have never really seen what a normal father is like because i have had PTSD, OCD, social anxiety, severe depression and anxiety since 2003 when my oldest child was born, I often find myself asking the question ” Will I ever be normal again? ” each day there was no better than other ones that had gone by, same old routine day after day, wake up, kids to school, return home and sleep my day away until I had to go pick them up after school.
Imagine not going into your children’s school to pick them up, not going into the store or in public in fear of a trigger, not owning a vehicle without tinted windows because you don’t want to be seen, it sounds sad but that is how I must deal with my days.
PTSD is a illness that makes me look regular on the outside, but the hurt, the pain, the anxiety, depression and fear it causes is all hidden inside of me and no words can ever explain how I feel inside, my condition is different then the next person who suffers with it.
As I think of all the songs out there only one song has ever really touched me in a way where I feel as if it were written with PTSD sufferers in mind when in fact it was written to raise awareness against bullying, young country star Hunter Hayes hits the nail on the head with his song “Invisible” which really hits home to me with having the everyday struggle with PTSD. Most people just want to be successful, wealthy, lots of friends and be healthy, my only dream is to be normal for a day, no illness to stop me, I just want to be the father, the husband, a son and a friend that I use to be.
Invisible is a song that is personal to Hunter Hayes. In an interview with Entertainment Tonight he describes himself as being a geek and a nerd throughout school and he himself dealt with some bullying issues and that he spent a lot of weekends at home, not going out because he didn’t fit in, but he also states, like myself, he has amazing parents and family as his support team where he found hope that he could carry on. Hunter says during the interview that things in life with his issues really sucked, but he doesn’t dwell on it because that is what shaped him into the individual he is today. Towards the end of the interview Hunter describes the message behind Invisible
“One day when the sun rises you will wake up and your pain will all be invisible “
And invisible is what I hope one day will be what my pain will be.
Check out this hot new single and please take a moment to share. Sometimes a simple gesture such as a smile, a wave or a phone call out of the blue can make the difference between night and day to someone who suffers from PTSD. If you want more information on PTSD or want to find support options help is just a click away! www.cmha.ca
