What went wrong? When did you stop caring? Was it because I told you he touched me?
Was I bad mummy?
Alone and scared I hide away in my room a frightened little girl unsure of whats going on. He comes up to find me hiding under my quilt, crying out ‘No please don’t touch me”.
He doesn’t listen, why doesn’t he listen?
To scared to tell mommy because she will shout at me again, to scared to tell my teachers because they will take me and my sisters off our mommy if I tell them what he does to me.
No one knows what he does, its our little secret.
I am a teenager now mum, your back at work and he has his friends around when your not home. Do you know what they do to me? Do you know what I do to myself? No. You don’t see it and refuse to listen to it. Why mum? You know he does wrong, yet you refuse to believe.
They have all had me mum, all taken turns on your teenage daughter who knows no different, cant fight for herself. The same teenage girl who cuts herself at night believing its all her own fault.
Why did you let this happen?
I overdosed because of it mum, yet you still refuse to believe whats been going on in our home, the place I am meant to be safe. Yet him and his friends ruined my life, stole my childhood, my innocence, my virginity, my confidence, my self esteem. But worst of all they stole my life.
You phoned Social Services and told them you couldn’t cope with me anymore had them come take me away from the family home as my behavior was hard to cope with as well as having to deal with my sisters as well. I didn’t eat, I self harmed and I hit out at everyone. You hated me. I thought when they turned up you would stop them taking me and tell them the truth but you didn’t. I was glad to get out of your home, away from them.
12 months after I was allowed to my nans, my safe place away from them, it was the only place I could start to re-build my life, start to be normal again. I still had problems eating, sleeping and trusting people and it was partly your fault. Thanks mom.
You finally decided when I turned 16 we were going to move from our home town for our safety. The man who abused me and his friends had been caught and sent to prison finally. I was free to move on with my life. Little did I know it would be another 18 months before we moved. You didn’t want to leave him just yet.
I was happy when we moved finally. I went to college a quiet and shy girl, didn’t know anyone and didn’t know how to talk to them. It was 3 months before I made a friend. Then my self-esteem and confidence started to build back up. Slowly I was building my life back together.
I was still weary of dating men, but I tried got a boyfriend who was sweet, kind, caring and loving. He didn’t try to push me into anything I didn’t want to do, the way loves meant to be. It didn’t last too long, I was too fragile to do much. Things from the past still fresh in my head, I couldn’t put him through it.
Now here I am mom almost 25 years old with my own child a 4 year old boy. After all the heart ache my own life has bought me, the childhood I missed out on and all the other heart aches thrown in the mix with the lost babies I should have had. My son will have a better childhood. I refuse to allow anyone to mess him up, the way you allowed someone to mess mine up.
Thanks for everything mum, with out what you let me go through, the abuse, Social Services taking me away and the heart aches no one should have to go through. I am a better person now, my life is getting back on track, my confidence growing every day and my self esteem rising by the minute. Without all these problems I would no be who I am today.
This inspirational post was written anonymously by a mom who is either a member of my Facebook mums group, a Twitter follower or has been submitted to me via email. I have full permission to share her story. If you can relate to this post and would like to share your own anonymous post please contact me. You could help us share the blogs love to helping others by sharing via the social sharing buttons.
