Body, Mind, Spirit Magazine

Middle School Mentality Happens at All Ages

By Zen_sheila @BeZensational

We all remember Middle School, especially us girls, with the nasty little cliques and mean spiritedness in the air. We’d cry and stress over who wants to be our friend, and those that once were our friends who have turned on us. It’s all very exhausting and manipulative, and when we finally graduate our first twelve years of school we sigh with relief that we are now adults and these things surely won’t happen anymore!

zen car sunrise
Truth is they do. We’ve all experienced mean girl syndrome. Whether we’re college age or middle aged, it still crops up. Still, even at these later ages, it’s mainly females who are the culprits yet again, although some males – not many in my experience – seem to love drama as well. I’ve talked to a few friends recently and we’ve come to some conclusions. Some people just drag negativity around with them like a worn out security blanket. They don’t even know it, but they feed off it; they feel secure in that dark place (even when they tout how wonderful and positive their life is). They seek out others who are just as negative and needy – for comfort and stability. Of course they don’t realize it at the time, but just like most behaviors in life, it develops subconsciously.

We all know someone like this, it’s just that many don’t know what the signs are. I know I sure didn’t until just recently. They are the ones who are always sick, the ones who are followed around by tragedy and pain, the ones who attract bad relationships and build them on lies and weak foundations. When you surround yourself with these types, you will find yourself becoming physically ill and mentally drained, confused, and stressed out. They are the ones who will tell anyone anything to either keep a friend or to become one.   There are also those that will listen to any story and believe it, even when it simply does not make sense.  They might present themselves as a wonderful person but inside are very insecure and unhappy.

They are the ones who claim to abhor drama, but reach out for it at every step and welcome it as soon as it makes an appearance. They are unable to rationalize or apply common sense when drama comes their way, and are more likely to believe anything presented to them because it seems to ignite and fuel their distorted view of the world. Their world within them, rather than what they present falsely on the outside.  Unfortunately many of these people do not hold long term relationships and we find them stirring the same bubbling cauldron of drama quite often.

It’s difficult when you have a personality like I do – that of a “fixer”. I’m constantly, to a fault, trying to fix people; Constantly trying to make sense of people. And in my field I’m well aware that individuals can only fix themselves, yet I still fall prey to my own mind sometimes. I’ve been bitten in the ass more than once over this, yet I still feel to stand up for what I believe is right and still is the best thing for me to do.

It also drives me nuts to have people think poorly of me. Especially those who I’ve called a friend in past. But, just like in Middle School, there’s always going to be that person who is so unhappy with their life, that they will intentionally spread lies and need to harm others to get into a certain crowd. You might even find afterwards, upon talking to impartial people, that this person said some things to indicate their jealousy of you, or their hatred for you – because they didn’t have the bonds of that friendship that you possessed. Quite sad really, and honestly, at any age it’s quite troubling.

People will believe about you what they will. You cannot change that; you cannot fix that. In time, the truth will appear, usually after they’ve learned whatever lesson it is the universe is trying to present to them. By surrounding yourself with stable, healthy people is always, without a doubt, the best route.  Also, keep in mind, that you should never, ever have to convince an authentic friend of your character.   When you find it’s necessary to defend your character to a friend, chances are that friend was never actually a true friend at all.

As for wanting to fix people, you have to understand that it’s just not possible. As for wanting to fix wrongs done to you – sometimes you just have to let it go. You have to realize that sometimes losing friends is truly a gift! It is a gift to your self, to your health, to your own mental stability. So if you are feeling down over the loss of a friendship, picture it as a beautifully dressed package with a big gorgeous bow tied upon it, flowing down upon the sides. It is a gift just for you, of a new healthy start.   I guarantee you when you let go of the burden of negative relationships, you will feel the weight lift and the burden ease instantaneously.   And… with any luck you will have learned something from it that you can apply to the future.

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