I want to introduce you to a good friend of mine who I met on Twitter. This tweeter has been a huge support to me over the last few days and has given up his time to be there when I needed to rant and rave about certain things. He understands me, can relate to me and despite his own battles with mental illness is out there supporting others. I did know he often wrote, but this is the first time I have actually taken a real look and was surprised to see how beautiful he writes.
This blog post Looking Through The Mirror sent a chill down my spine.
Not because he sees people looking back at him, I see people too remember, but because he is stepping out of that place where we hide, from fear of others judging us and is saying you know what I may have Schizophrenia but I am an inspiring and amazing friend to others, just as he is to me.
Looking Through The Mirror
So I was sitting here bored and thinking about schizophrenia and along came the thought of Alice in wonderland. A little known fact about this book is it was actually based to an extent on schizophrenia. Another odd fact – Snow Whites seven dwarves were named after the side effects of cocaine use but I digress.
As you look into the mirror what do you see? You may think your ugly you may feel overweight. I envy you all I see a vacant stare I see someone I don’t recognise. The other thing I worryingly see is a face I don’t know looking over my shoulder on many occasions a dark moody snarling man who seems intent on doing me harm. Before any of you think I have lost my mind more than previously thought I need to explain a few things.
1 I do believe in ghosts having done paranormal investigations for around 20 years
2 I do suffer hallucinations owing to my schizophrenia
3 this face I see is definitely not a ghost believe me you would know. This face is to an extent partially a hallucination.
So I say partially a hallucination “it either is or isn’t” I hear you screaming at your screen. Again an explanation is needed.
Right I said I do not recognise the face this is true I do recognise the snarling evil look in the eyes of the demon. I recognise it as myself the same look in my eyes the same evil twisted snarl. That same glassed over empty look in my eyes there but not there.
All I see is the emptiness and darkness in my soul the disturbing lack of any morals or conscience. Most people who know me will know some of this isn’t exactly to the point I do have morals granted very few but some.
The world to me is rapidly becoming darker and darker my thoughts the same. I have always had a dark mind owing to the paranormal and witchcraft background but that aside my everyday thoughts become blacker.
That’s it for now as this was going to be a short post but I fucked that up and decided to ramble.
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